Hello, Is It Me You're Looking For?
by SpringSinger
Summary: Following a successful Regional competition Miss Rachel Berry loses her virginity, is dumped by Jesse St. James and forever damaged...more than just emotionally. A dramatic St. Berry pregnancy fic. Rated M for sexual content, strong language & violence.
1. Chapter 1: Whispering

**** DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or any of its characters. I wish with all my heart that I did but I do not. All the credit goes Glee's creators, Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk and Ian Brennan. If I did own Glee, I'd have a leading role :)  
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**Thanks for reading my first fanfiction ever. Please be nice but I do fully appreciate constructive criticism! I wrote this after the episode Laryngitis but this takes place after Regionals. By the way, I'll use **_italics_** in this story to indicate a thought that the character I am focusing on is thinking. I just thought that might be helpful!**

**This is mainly a St. Berry fic with little bits of Finn/Rachel. There's also lots of Finn/Quinn later on. I've got this whole thing planned out, so I'd love if you stuck around for the full ride! :)  
**

**-SpringSinger**

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Everything was wrong but as Rachel Berry entered her house, she imitated a cheerful mood that defied the true feelings she felt within. Maybe it was the luminous sun and azure sky outside or the delectable smell of her father's cooking, but everything seemed to reflect a much better day. How could a day be so perfect and yet so wrong at the same time? Rachel shook her head dejectedly and as she closed the door, she heard a voice from the same place as that palatable aroma.

"Rachel?" Leroy Berry called.

"It's me, daddy!" Rachel replied.

She paused and offhandedly dropped her book bag beside the front door. As Rachel headed towards the kitchen, she smoothed out her sweater, adjusted her skirt and pulled up her trademark knee socks.

As Rachel entered the balmy and brightly lit room, she attempted a smile as she asked, "Vegan lasagna?"

"Of course," Hiram Berry replied with a small smile creeping onto his face.

"Now, how was your day?" Leroy inquired.

"Good."

Rachel's fathers exchanged glances. It wasn't a commonplace routine for their daughter to give them anything less than a full summary of her day everyday after school. That was part of how Rachel had such a close relationship with both of her parents, they knew everything about her and she knew everything about them. When Rachel had auditioned for Glee, they knew every lyric to "On My Own" by the end of the week. When she began to crush on Finn Hudson, they were the first to know about it. Rachel's parents knew all about the Glee club drama and their set list for each competition. So when they were confronted with a one word response, they knew something was amiss.

"Really, it was great. I'm just a bit tired," she smiled fiercely and before she could be interrogated any further, she left the room. Sometimes, Rachel didn't know how she could manage without her acting ability.

As Rachel picked up her bag, she found it harder to walk. She dreaded what she knew she had to do. She feared that her pleasant, protected life may change irreversibly. As she made her way slowly up the stairs and into her room, she attempted to chide herself for being too much of a drama queen. As Rachel quietly placed her bag down by her bed she leaned onto her smoothly shaven legs. She opened the flap of the old and beloved bag and unzipped the largest pocket. Slowly, she reached in and took out the little cardboard box.

In all of her life, Rachel had never assumed she'd be the type of girl who'd ever have to even worry about teenage pregnancy. **She just wasn't the type.** It was girls like Quinn Fabray (who, in being pregnant, was a perfect example) and Santana Lopez who should worry about these kinds of things, not Miss Rachel Barbara Berry.

And yet, here she was… worrying.

As Rachel leaned back onto her knees, she tried to silently rip open the top of the little box. As it came apart, she began to wonder what she would do if one of her daddies walked in right now. Her heart was beating uncontrollably, fear was undeniable and it shivered through her in a way she had never experienced before.

As she finished tearing open the top, Rachel turned the box over and two pregnancy tests fell out and onto the ground. In an attempt to delay the results, she began to read the instructions and facts that she knew all too well.

_99% accuracy._

_Results as soon as 60 seconds._

_One simple step._

Rachel sat in the same place for a minute and then, without a word, picked one test up, placed the other back into the box which she buried in her bag and entered her bathroom. The room was cold and as she turned the lights on Rachel shivered. This looming threat to her adolescence was terrifying. This was something **big**, something way too much for her to handle.

Without another thought, Rachel sat onto the porcelain toilet and closing her eyes took the infamous "one simple step."

Her breathing and heart rate began to speed up and Rachel grasped the counter beside her for support as she began to count in her head. _60. 59. 58. 57. 56. 55. 54…_

"3, 2," Rachel breathed out and paused, "1."

She stayed in the same motionless position for a few seconds to give the test a little more time... or, if she was being truthful to herself, to give herself a bit more time. Then, slowly and painfully, Rachel opened a single eye and glanced down at the indicator.

Positive.

... **positive**

Panic flooded through Rachel's chest as a single sob escaped her lips. Thoughts. Emotions. Fear. Hope. Everything flooded in at once and she **couldn't handle it**. It felt as if a loud ringing was blocking out any thoughts, crashing through her.

Pregnant at 16. It was like some absurd reality TV show.

Rachel trembled as she stood, silent tears flowing down her cheeks and took a deep, shaky breath as she wrapped up the test in toilet paper and dropped it gently into the rose-tinted wastebasket. She stood staring at it for a minute and then walked to the sink where she began to wash her hands. As the hot water made first contact with her hands, Rachel flinched.

_So this is how Quinn must have felt._

Rachel quietly glanced up at the mirror and furiously blinked away tears. She turned sideways and lifted her yellow sweater to her breast bone so that she could stare at her stomach. It had been little more than one month since Rachel Berry had lost her virginity. So far, there was nothing to see. Maybe there was a tiny bit of swelling, but Rachel thought she could have very well been imagining it. Tentatively, she placed a hand on her stomach and then glanced up at the mirror to meet terrified eyes.

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"Alright," Will Schuester began, clapping his hands together excitedly as he entered the Glee club rehearsal space, "who wants to start us off today? We all know the assignment, to find a song that recaps an important event that has occurred in our life and do it justice."

The whole club nonchalantly glanced at Rachel but she was quiet and her head was turned down to her hands clasped tightly in her lap.

"Rachel," Mr. Schuester started, "do you want to go first?"

She glanced up and paused nervously, "Ok."

Hesitantly, Rachel stood and walked over to the pianist and handed him her music. She quietly related to him the tempo and where to begin as well as where to end.

Then slowly she turned to face her fellow Glee clubbers. She paused and nervously glanced at Jesse, who sat in his chair with a blank, unreadable expression on his face. Rachel was certain that nobody in the Glee club would understand her selection if they didn't know the musical. It was one of her favorite shows and she recalled relating this fact to Jesse who mentioned he had never seen it or heard its music.

A song about pregnancy was a risk. But if nobody comprehended the selection, there would be no problem.

Rachel took a deep breath and glanced at the pianist who was waiting for her, "I will be singing 'Whispering' from the Broadway musical _Spring Awakening_."

_Whispering,_

_Hear the ghosts in the moonlight,_

_Sorrow doing a new dance,_

_Through their bones, through their skin,_

Quietly, Rachel took a step forward and began to put her whole soul into the song. It was all she could do. Singing it felt like an confession even though nobody would understand the true meaning of her words. It was overwhelming, it truly was, that her childhood and innocence had been snatched away in the course of one night. She had thought she was in love but maybe she just was being a teenager. Pressured. One thing Rachel always relied on was the fact that she knew where she was going. She could see the path laid out right ahead of her. Broadway. It was all so clear. But now... now, Rachel knew nothing. She could see nothing.

_Listening,_

_To their souls in the fools night,_

_Fumbling mutely with their rude hands,_

_And there's heartache without end,_

_See the father bent in grief,_

_The mother dressed in mourning,_

_Sister crumples, _

_And the neighbors grumble,_

_The preacher issues warnings,_

Rachel sadly took a fleeting look at Jesse who returned her glance in-comprehensively. She slowly took a deep breath and sung even more passionately. It hurt her, that he didn't seem to care. It hurt her, that she knew he would never care again.

_Had a sweetheart on his knees,_

_So faithful and adoring,_

_And he touched me,_

_And I let him love me,_

_So let that be my story,_

Almost in tears, Rachel turned away from her peers heavily and continued to sing while blinking away the raw emotion. It hurt. He was gone. He had left her. And now she was alone.

_Listening,_

_For the hope, for the new life,_

_Something beautiful, a new chance,_

_Hear it's whispering,_

_There again_

As Rachel sung the last note, she turned around to meet the eyes of her confused classmates. The tears were gone and she had the Glee clubbers in the exact position she had wanted them in. They all clapped slowly, not comprehending. Smiling weakly, Rachel started back to her seat… but didn't make it.

_Morning sickness_

It had begun.

Rachel's hand clapped to her mouth as she looked around wildly. **It had only been a little more than one month.** Without another word, she was out of the room and running down the hall, missing the horrified look still plastered on Mr. Schuester's face.

What Rachel hadn't ever stopped to consider was the fact that he, her teacher, might understand the true meaning behind her song choice.

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**If you know anything about **_**Spring Awakening**_**, I hope you liked what I did up there **** It's one of my favorite musicals and I found that the song "Whispering" fit perfectly into this scenario. For those who don't know, Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff originated the roles of Wendla and Melchior in the Broadway production of **_**Spring Awakening**_**. Oh yeah, by the way, I don't own those lyrics, I didn't write them, etc, etc, etc. DISCLAIMER DISCLAIMER  
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**Please review **** I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and PLEASE PLEASE listen to "Whispering" if you haven't already!**

**-SpringSinger**


	2. Chapter 2: Yesterday

****DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee or anything related to it **** Wish I did. There'd be a lot more Jesse St. James and Kurt. I also don't own "Yesterday" by the Beatles. Wonderful song but it isn't mine!**

**Enjoy this chapter please and REVIEW! **** I love reviews and constructive criticism is the best. **

**By the way, I started things off on a bit of a sadder/darker note but it's not all going to be like that, promise! Secondly, I forgot to mention I'll use **_italics _**when a character is singing but you'll probably be able to tell the difference between when someone is singing and when someone is thinking. One last thing – I just watched the episode of Dream On and (I wasn't planning on doing this) I've decided to incorporate those major plot points.**

**-SpringSinger**

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"Rachel?"

As the familiar voice called out, Rachel's head snapped up. She had been sitting forlornly in a locked stall with her back against the wall and knees securely locked to her chest. Her stomach was still continuing to churn uncontrollably and her cheeks were still flushed with embarrassment. The tranquil atmosphere of the McKinley High School bathroom had been soothing and as long as she ignored the distasteful scent, Rachel had been content to stay there until she found the audacity to go back to Glee.

"Rachel?" The voice called out once more.

As she replied faintly, Rachel held her head to prevent the light-headed feeling, "Y-yes?"

There was a slight pause before the voiced individual spoke again, "It's me, Quinn."

Blinking, Rachel reluctantly struggled to her feet and unlocked the door to face the pregnant ex-Cheerio. A signature pouting face regularly donned by Rachel Berry in moments of concern and anxiety appeared as she met the sympathetic eyes Quinn Fabray.

"Why are you here?" Rachel blurted out the first thought that came to mind.

Quinn looked away and then back at Rachel before hesitantly replying, "Well, we all just kind of assumed you were throwing up and everyone just thought since I had the most experience with that sort of thing…"

"I wasn't throwing up."

Quinn blinked and bit her lip, "Rachel, I know what vomit smells like."

Rachel glanced away for an instant and when she met Quinn's eyes again, she was pokerfaced, "I didn't want you to assume I was bulimic or something. I-I think I just honestly ate something bad." Rachel faked a quick smile, "Thanks for checking in though."

Quinn turned to leave then paused, looking back. For a split second, she looked like she was going to say something else but instead left without another word.

Slowly, Rachel let out a sigh of relief.

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Rachel Berry was in denial.

Yes, somewhere in the back of her mind, Rachel knew she was pregnant. She was fully aware that the first test had indicated her as pregnant … as well as the second, but after extensive online research, Rachel discovered that, on occasion, pregnancy tests could be inaccurate. So she had decided that a trip down to a relatively remote Wal-Mart to get another test was a good idea. It didn't matter that she was experiencing the precise symptoms of female one to two months pregnant, Rachel was adamant that she was not pregnant.

_So maybe I'm throwing up a lot and maybe I missed my period but that doesn't mean for sure that I'm pregnant…right?_

As Rachel self-consciously browsed the wall of pregnancy tests, she tried to remember exactly which brand she had used. Slowly, she scanned the shelves.

Clearblue

e.p.t.

First Response

Rachel was regretting that she hadn't looked into which brand was most accurate. Miserably, she ran a hand through her hair and grabbed the closest box.

_Fuck it. They all do the same thing._

In her rush to escape, the box dropped to the ground. Frustrated, she leaned down to reach for the test. All Rachel wanted to do was get **OUT** of there and this temporary ungainliness wasn't helping.

"I told you, I'm not coming back." Rachel heard an all too familiar voice hiss angrily into the receiver.

Her head snapped up

_Jesse St. James. Father of **my child.**_

Rachel sat up uneasily and in that moment, she **knew** it. She **knew** that she was pregnant and she knew that all the tests in the world wouldn't make her baby disappear. Tears began to well up and Rachel started to blink angrily in an attempt to make them stop. Weakness.

_What are you doing, Rachel? Damn it! STOP CRYING. Get a hold of yourself. None of this should effect you!  
_

"Why?" Jesse's voice ached, "I just can't. I – I'm sorry."

At the sound of his footsteps nearing, Rachel panicked and whipped around to face a shelf of children's toys.

_It'll have to do._

Looking back, Rachel might say now that toys for children ages 2-4 had never been so utterly fascinating in her entire life.

"The Ocean Wonders Musical Fishbowl," the voice whispered, "hmm. Interesting selection."

Humiliated, Rachel slowly turned around to find herself painfully close to Jesse St. James. Hazed, it took her a moment to shake off the wonder of, once again, being so close to him, "It's… it's for a new-born cousin. I just figured I'd help him to experience the wonders of song and musical composition at an early age."

Jesse smiled wistfully, "Good idea."

Taking in a sharp breath before turning away, Rachel asked, "Why are you here?"

"I ran out of Slippery Elms and, as you know, a singer can never be too careful. A voice is an instrument," Jesse tapped his larynx and smiled briefly. "Why are **you** here?"

Rachel's eyes snapped back up, "I – I already told you."

Jesse shrugged and walked over to the opposite side of Rachel, "I know. I just thought that if you were traveling this far from home it must be some sort of an… excursion for something more important than a simple toy."

"Well," Rachel began, fumbling, "they only have the Ocean Wonders Musical Fishbowl in **this** Wal-Mart."

Amused, Jesse raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?"

"Yes," Rachel replied curtly turning away to continue "pretend-browsing" the shelves.

As silence settled between the two, an awkward tension arose.

"So," Jesse came up behind her quietly, "I guess I'll see you at school."

Without turning, Rachel responded, "I guess so."

Rachel waited for a moment until she was sure Jesse had walked away. As she turned to watch him check-out his purchase, she unconsciously lifted a hand placed it on her stomach. After breaking her heart and impregnating her, why, oh **why** was she still on edge with him? Crossly, Rachel tore her hand off of her stomach and shoved the stupid musical fish bowl back on the shelf. What was wrong with her? Why did she still care about him? Why?

_Damn you, Jesse St. James. _

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"So," Quinn Fabray began uncertainly, shifting feet, as she faced the entire Glee club, "for this week's assignment I chose 'Yesterday' by the Beatles."

The whole Glee club murmured their approval.

Signaling the band with a glance, Quinn then continued to put a hand on her swelling stomach and began to sing. She was uncertain and Rachel Berry observed her pityingly. Quinn didn't know how true and beautiful of a voice she really had. Rachel could see all the things that made her uncertain of herself in Quinn. It was like looking at a reflection in the mirror.

_Yesterday,  
All my troubles seemed so far away,  
Now it looks as though they're here to stay,  
Oh, I believe in yesterday._

Smiling quietly, Quinn stared back at the audience. _  
_

_Suddenly,  
I'm not half the girl I used to be,  
There's a shadow hanging over me,  
Oh, yesterday came suddenly. _

Besides the music and Quinn's haunting vocals, the whole room was utterly silent. Everyone's attention was focused on the "baby mama." 

_Why he  
Had to go I don't know, he wouldn't say.  
I said,  
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday. _

As Quinn continued to sing, the others began to join along. Although just barely whispering the lyrics, they created a mesmerizing atmosphere. Quinn felt tears in her eyes. She felt like she belonged. The support Glee was showing was overpowering and it really showed her that somebody actually cared. As she continued to sing, she left the tears pour freely down her cheeks. Why hide them?

_Yesterday,  
Love was such an easy game to play,  
Now I need a place to hide away,  
Oh, I believe in yesterday. _

As Rachel and Quinn's gaze met, tears filled her eyes as she contemplated the meaning of the song to both her and Quinn. But she wasn't as strong as Quinn. She couldn't let the world know her feelings. It was like an old habit. Blinking them away and scolding herself inwardly, Rachel looked away.

_Why he  
Had to go I don't know, he wouldn't say.  
I said,  
Something wrong, now I long for yesterday.  
_

_Yesterday,  
Love was such an easy game to play,  
Now I need a place to hide away,  
Oh, I believe in yesterday. _

_Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm._

"I believe," Rachel whispered, her hands tucked tightly beneath herself, "in yesterday."_  
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**Thanks so much for reading this chapter. Honestly, this was a bore to write and I bet it wasn't all that interesting but next chapter is going to be pretty intense **** SPOILER: Finchel!**

**That's all you get! So keep reading/reviewing, it makes me so happy!**

**-SpringSinger**


	3. Chapter 3: Thinking of You

****DISCLAIMER: Glee is not my concept/idea and I did not help in the tiniest bit to create it. I only hope to promote it and its magnificence. **** Also, I am not in any way affiliated with the writing/production/singing of "Thinking Me" by Katy Perry.**

**Once again, I appreciate your reviews more than you will ever know.**

**First off, I'd like to apologize for this incredibly short chapter. Think of it as a sort of segue to a chapter entirety based around St. Berry. It's VERY important and I'm sure you guys are going to EAT IT UP! Hopefully. **

**Oh and sorry for all the crying! Although things are pretty "down in the dumps" right now, things WILL get better. **

**Finally, I didn't mean to scare you guys with the spoiler at the end of last chapter. As I said before (I know I must have said it somewhere) this story is probably 99% St. Berry and 1% Finchel. In fact, this chapter is probably all you will see of that pairing… unless you're all very bad. **

**I'm joking.**

**-SpringSinger**

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As Rachel Berry entered the Glee rehearsal space, she found it brightly lit and only lacking in one aspect. People. It was 2:50 in the afternoon and the students of McKinley High had just been released to a sunny weekend. Kids raced through the halls eager to forget about school and drama for at least for two days. Rachel, for once, was in agreement. But in attempt to keep to an ordinary schedule, Rachel had returned to the Glee room for a second time that day to practice.

Since her awkward run-in with Jesse St. James and her newfound consciousness that she was, indeed, pregnant, Rachel had been searching furiously for an up-beat song that exemplified her frustration, misery and hopefulness. In Rachel Berry's mind, if you could personally relate to a song it'd come across as truthful, fervent and (with vocals like her own) unforgettable. Even amidst an event that would fashion her into a statistic, Rachel could not simply dismiss the headway she had towards making it on Broadway. She still had a chance and she knew it.

But Rachel found that instead of choosing an up-tempo selection, she had ended up settling on a ballad. They were her area of expertise.

Sitting down on the smooth piano bench, Rachel glimpsed at the sheet music in front of her, shifting her weight. Lightly, she placed her hands on the keyboard and casually glanced at the door. Rachel didn't intend on choosing a song that was centered on still being in love with someone but it felt honest to her. Because as much as she hated to admit it, Rachel still could not forget about Jesse St. James, the way he made her feel and the fact that within her, she carried his unborn child.

Tears once again blurred her vision and angrily, Rachel rested her elbows on the piano keys (creating a rather strident sound) and held her head between her hands. She hated crying.

But lately, she had discovered that complying to the tears left her momentarily at ease.

And so she cried and cried. She didn't even think about them, about the tears cascading down her face, and let the emotions take over her mind.

Through the tears, Rachel entered a sort of state of silent hysteria that caused her to immediately recoil at the touch of a stranger's gentle hands.

"Shhhh, it'll be okay." Rachel found the relaxing tone of the voice consoling.

As the stranger began to stroke Rachel's hair, she tentatively wrapped her arms around his waist and began to gradually lean her head down onto his shoulder. The intimacy was comforting but only reminded Rachel of her heartbreak. Thus, when the stranger kissed her head, she broke down sobbing. It was just **too much.**

_Jesse. _Rachel thought, disoriented.

And then, his lips crashed onto hers. Slowly caressing. Reassuring but not … right.

Dazed, Rachel broke away. Everything was happening too fast, one thing promptly after another, no time for her to process anything. She was a whirlwind of emotions.

_The truth._ The thought flashed through her mind. It was conscience getting the better of her.

"I'm pregnant," Rachel whispered, her voice cracking as she choked back a sob.

But as she looked up to face Jesse, she gasped and pushed him away because, well, that was just it, **he wasn't Jesse**.

It was Finn Hudson and he looked utterly scandalized.

"You're pregnant, Rachel?"

"F-finn?" was all that she could choke out.

Running his hand through his hair distractedly, he replied, "Of course, who did you think it –?"

Finn's eyes met Rachel's in painful comprehension and he jumped away from Rachel as if she had burned him.

"You thought I was Jesse," he stated miserably. "He's the father, isn't he?"

All Rachel could do was nod contritely as uneasy tension arose.

After a moment, Rachel found herself able to choke out, "You can't tell anyone, Finn. Especially not Jesse."

"Well we're not exactly on speaking terms." Finn laughed bitterly and then mumbled under his breath, "I'm going to kill him."

"Please," Rachel begged, turning away, "don't."

"Don't what?"

"I don't know," Rachel shrugged. "Just don't provoke him. Don't fight him. I just don't want him to know yet. **Please**."

Finn nodded curtly and without another glance, headed towards the door. As he was about to open it, he paused and turned around.

"Why did it have to be him, Rachel?" Finn asked, in obvious agony, "I did everything right. I tried so hard."

As Finn left, Rachel sat paralyzed in her seat, stung by his the truth in his words. He **had** been everything. But it was Jesse's "everything" she wanted and ever could want.

Swallowing, Rachel rested her hands yet again on the cold piano keys and began to sing.

_Comparisons are easily done  
Once you've had a taste of perfection  
Like an apple hanging from a tree  
I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed_

_You said move on, where do I go?  
I guess second best is all I will know_

As she sung, Rachel realized how true the lyrics were now and almost stopped. It killed her that she was still in love with the man that broke her heart and it killed her that she knew he would and could never love her back now. Finn was safer. She loved him once, perhaps. Why couldn't she have followed her mind instead of her heart?

_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes_

_You're like an Indian Summer in the middle of winter  
Like a hard candy with a surprise center  
How do I get better once I've had the best?  
You said there's tons of fish in the water, so the waters I will test_

_He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!  
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself_

Bitterly, Rachel opened her mouth and began to sing. She was now angry and disgusted with herself. Who was she? Rachel didn't even know herself anymore. _  
_

_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one who was spending the night  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes  
Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes_

_Oh, won't you walk through?  
And bust in the door and take me away?  
Oh, no more mistakes  
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay_

As she lifted her hands delicately off of the keys, Rachel closed her eyes.

Remembering.

Remembering.

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**So, did you like it? How about you let me know by means of a … review! **** I do read them all (I promise) and they absolutely make my day.**

**Next chapter all background and history and because it might take a bit longer to write, here is a small SPOILER: Chapter 4 is going to be a flashback and will include the night Rachel lost her virginity, why Jesse broke up with her and why he didn't return to Vocal Adrenaline. **

**Excited as I am? Stick around! You can expect the next chapter in 3-4 days.**

**-SpringSinger**


	4. Chapter 4: Remembering

****DISCLAIMER: I do not own Glee and its characters are not mine… **** no matter how much I wish they were. If they WERE mine… hmmm, so many possibilities … well first off, Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry would be together forever! Haha. By the way, I also don't own "Sorry" by Daughtry.**

**Sorry that this took a little longer than the other chapters, I have had a lot of studying to do. Finals. Kill me now.**

**So I hope you like this chapter and PLEASE review! I love, love, love reviews **** I'm trying not to be too greedy because I already have more than enough but … it's a hard endeavor. Also, if you didn't notice, I didn't title this chapter after the song sung at the end. I didn't really feel that "Sorry" quite summed up the entirety of this chapter.**

**Well, enjoy! It's a pretty "M" rated chapter, so beware!**

**-SpringSinger**

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**SIX WEEKS EARLIER**

It was nearing midnight on a Saturday night and Rachel Berry was alone, waiting.

Outside, the climate was tepid and the moon full. As Rachel opened her white-paned windows, a warm breeze flew in and gently caressed her dark locks. Quietly dividing her hair to lie equally on both shoulders, Rachel tip-toed to the other side of her bed and turned the bright bed-side light off to fully allow the beaming moonlight light the room.

No candles had been lit, no rose-petals had been scattered around the bed but yet, the ambiance was incredibly romantic.

Smiling shyly, Rachel walked barefoot to the foot of her bed so she could gaze at her handiwork but before she had taken more than two steps, she heard a knocking on the door downstairs.

Immediately, Rachel's head snapped up and to the door as her heart began to race. Smoothing out her little black dress, Rachel lightly ran down the carpet-padded stairs to open the door.

"Rachel."

And she was in his arms, and his lips were on hers.

_Perfection._

"Jesse," Rachel smiled up at him, her arms still around his shoulders and his still entwined around her waist. "Follow me."

Breaking away from their embrace, Rachel placed her hand in his and led him up the stairs and into her bedroom where she sat him down on the bed.

Smiling, Jesse spoke, "So, why'd you tear me out of bed to come over here?

"Because I'm ready," Rachel replied quickly, staring at him intently.

"What?"

"I'm ready, Jesse," Rachel took a step forward uncertainly.

"Are you," Jesse straightened his posture, comprehension reflecting in his eyes, "are you sure?"

Smiling nervously, Rachel nodded, "There's no one else. Jesse, I want my first time to be with you. I'm happy, we're going to Nationals and I want to celebrate. My dads aren't here, so it's the perfect opportunity." She paused, looking down and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, "Un-unless you don't …want to."

"Rachel," Jesse stood and held her by her shoulders, lust and affection gleaming in his eyes, "how could I not want to?"

Looking up through her dark eyelashes at him, Rachel smiled, "Really?"

"Really," Jesse smiled but then looked away from her reluctantly, "we only won second place, Rachel. Are you sure you don't want to wait till we win Nationals? I don't want to pressure you into this if you're not ready."

"No," Rachel bit her lip and took one of his hands from her shoulder and squeezed it, "I'm ready."

Before he spoke again, there was silence as Jesse stared at her, "I promise I'll be gentle."

And he was on her. Slowly, he eased his mouth onto hers as she flung her arms around his neck and slid her tongue between his parted lips. Jesse's arm wound around her lower back as he began to pull her closer, Rachel jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Trembling from an intense desire, Jesse let his mouth wander and leisurely began to trail kisses down her neck. Moaning, Rachel threw her head backwards and let Jesse caress her. He began to back up and slowly laid himself and Rachel down on the bed. Jesse maneuvered himself so that he was on top of her and began to trail kisses across her arms and chest.

"My dress," Rachel whispered hoarsely, lifting herself up on her elbows.

Nodding breathlessly, Jesse gently traveled down her body so that his legs were on either side of her knees. He began to roll up her flexible black dress to reveal a matching red underwear set. Jesse lightly dusted his hands over every part of Rachel's body before finding her mouth once again. As they kissed, Jesse moved himself upwards so that their pelvises were aligned.

On Rachel's side, she found that her fears were no more. She felt so safe with him, but yet so passionate. Smiling under his weight, she let herself stroke his muscular arms and body before pulling him even closer.

"Your shirt," Rachel murmured, sitting up, "off."

Smiling, Jesse obeyed and tore his shirt off to reveal a well-toned six pack. But before Rachel could get a good glimpse of him, he had her on his lap and she had her legs once again tangled around his back. Rachel smiled shyly at Jesse and took his hand. As he began to unclasp her bra from behind, Rachel blushed and scooted away from him. Quieting her, Jesse skillfully unhooked the clasp and discarded the bra onto the floor. Rachel put her arms over her breasts and self-consciously looked away. She had never been touched this way before and nobody had ever seen her fully. Shaking his head, Jesse slid a hand over Rachel's hair tenderly.

"You're beautiful, Rachel."

Beaming up and him, Rachel began to unwrap her arms but started to fall backwards, off balanced. Laughing, Jesse caught her by the small of her back and before she could issue an embarrassed explanation, his mouth was on hers again. It felt right but Rachel hardly had any idea about what she was doing.

"Jesse," Rachel breathed, in between kisses, "have you done it before?"

Jesse became rigid and took Rachel's head between his hands, "Twice, but both times were meaningless, Care Bear, promise."

Nodding, Rachel bit her lip in the tension and awkward of the moment, turning away. "OK."

Even though she might not be his first, she hoped that she'd be his last.

Kissing her neck, Jesse whispered, "Do you have protection?"

"Yes," Rachel sighed in pleasure, "it's in the drawer. Bed-side table"

Reluctantly, they came apart and Jesse got up. Lustfully, Rachel watched as he took off his pants and took the condom from her drawer. Jesse placed the condom onto the bed, smiling at her, and got back into his place on top of her. Laying her down gently, Jesse lowered his mouth to hers.

"Jesse," Rachel gasped, not quite sure of where she was going, "I want you."

"Are you sure?" Jesse asked, gazing into her eyes.

Rachel nodded and without another moment, Jesse lowered himself down her body and slid her panties down.

"Boxers," Rachel smiled down at him.

Kissing her, Jesse smiled, "Whatever you say, Rach."

Jesse slipped his boxers off and smiled smugly as Rachel gasped and looked away nervously, blushing again. Running a hand across her cheek, Jesse smiled reassuringly and kissed her once again before unwrapping the condom and placing it on.

"Are you sure, Rachel?"

Almost interrupting him as he spoke, she replied, "I'm ready."

And Rachel really thought she was, she wanted to believe it so much.

"Do you want to guide me?"

Nodding, Rachel tentatively took Jesse and practically let go as she felt his hardness jump in her hands. Biting her lip, Rachel leaned down on the bed, arching her back and guided Jesse into her. Slowly and gently, Jesse lowered himself into her and they embraced.

"Jesse!" Rachel gasped, breathlessly, clenching her teeth to keep from screaming.

Taking her mouth in his, Jesse pressed himself against her and began to thrust upwards. He could feel her squirming in pain and pleasure beneath him. Stroking her hair, their eyes met. She was beautiful. He began to push harder, closing his eyes. Then breathing heavily, Jesse took one of Rachel's smooth legs and hiked it upwards, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as he thrust once more. She let out a sharp gasp and bit the inside of her cheek to keep from showing the pain.

"Rachel," he gasped, beginning to slide out.

Rachel started to relax but was still shaking, "Jesse."

For a moment the two laid there, staring at each other before Jesse leaned over and kissed Rachel gently. "You OK?"

Rachel turned to meet his eyes and tried to smile, "I'm OK. Kind of sore."

Jesse nodded, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Their eyes met and nervously, Rachel looked down and gasped. She was laying in a small amount of blood. Gasping, Rachel began to blush furiously.

Shaking his head, Jesse laid a hand on her cheek, "It's normal."

"I'm going to –" Rachel stood up.

"Bathroom," Jesse interjected, holding his hand up, "I get it."

As Rachel rushed hurriedly in the restroom, Jesse stared at the closed door, smiling.

He had felt something.

With Andrea and Ileana, he hadn't felt a thing. Sure, there was mutual pleasure with both but it hadn't been anything more. With Rachel, **it meant something**.

"I'm back," Rachel smiled nervously from the doorway.

Patting the bed, Jesse beckoned and Rachel came and sat beside him.

"Mind if I stay the night?" Jesse asked, brushing a stay hair from her face.

Biting her lip, Rachel nodded, "I was hoping you would."

* * *

**ONE WEEK LATER**

It was a still day in Lima, Ohio. Though the sky was clear, its shade of cerulean appeared dull. The balmy weather bestowed a sense of tranquility upon all whom ventured outside and as Jesse St. James stepped out of his car, he even felt the calming warmth. Although his thoughts were mixed but his visage didn't display any feelings of anxiety.

As Jesse approached the familiar front-doors of Carmel High, he reflected quietly. Although he hadn't visited the school for almost three months, nothing had changed besides for himself. Meeting with Vocal Adrenaline coach, Shelby Corcoran, was not anything he was looking forward too.

Something didn't seem quite right as Jesse ventured the spotless halls. Despite the fact that he had spent about three and a half years there, it didn't seem like home anymore. Shrugging his discomfort off, Jesse scolded himself. He knew that any uneasiness would have to be ignored in order to be in the best shape possible for Nationals. Regardless of his feelings, his career and full ride to UCLA was ultimately more important.

Or so he tried to tell himself.

Once upon a time, Jesse's life had been simple. He lived by one concept. If you weren't the best, you were forgettable.

_And if you're forgettable, what's the use of living?_

Jesse wouldn't admit it, but the morals and overall environment of New Directions were things he was beginning to enjoy more than the competition of Vocal Adrenaline.

"You're late," a voice echoed throughout the auditorium as Jesse walked in.

"Sorry," Jesse replied curtly, walking down the wide steps to face a cross looking Shelby Corcoran.

"We need to talk about this thing that's going on here, Jesse." she retorted austerely, drawing a fold-up chair to face her seat on the other side of her desk. "Sit."

Jesse complied. "How was rehearsal?"

"Well, not nearly as good without you leading." Shelby replied bitterly, "This has been going on way too long, Jesse. I told you **three months ago** to befriend Rachel for **one** purpose. All of this effort was so I could meet her face to face, mother to daughter. And as you know, she listened to that tape and realized I was her mother two months ago. Two months ago, she rejected me. She rejected my offer for her to join Vocal Adrenaline."

"I wouldn't say she –"

"She openly told me I was a scheming bitch and that just because I gave birth to her, didn't mean she owed me anything," Shelby said flatly.

"Rachel took your offer in the wrong way."

"So you told me and so I gave you another month to work on her giving me a second chance." Shelby continued, "Jesse, even though Regionals still ended up in our favor, we're going to face New Directions again and other Glee clubs that will rival our own. Vocal Adrenaline **needs** you to win Nationals. Yes, we still have three months left but you've been to Nationals before. We need perfection to have a fighting chance."

"I know," Jesse replied silently, his eyes wandering off in thought.

"Jesse, listen!" Shelby yelled, slamming her hand down on the table.

For a moment, uncomfortable silence settled between the two.

"I don't even care if she's in Vocal Adrenaline anymore." Her voice cracked with pain, "I just want my daughter… even though I know I can't have her."

Shelby broke off and, resting her elbows on the table, put her head into her hands. She let a silent tear drop onto the table before looking back up at Jesse. Her glare was ominous.

"Jesse," Shelby began menacingly, her intensity and volume rising, "**I don't fucking care** if you have some sort of high school crush on her, I need you to shake it off and come back where you belong!"

Hurt, Jesse looked away slowly, questioning himself.

"You know what," he began, face void of all emotion, "I'm not sure this is where I belong."

"What?" Shelby hissed with a voice full of venom and ice.

"I don't want to come back to Vocal Adrenaline," Jesse said softly.

"I have full control on whether or not you get that full-ride to UCLA," Shelby replied heatedly. "Do you know what the fuck you're doing, Jesse? She'll figure out someday, Jesse, you know that and then you two will be over in the blink of an eye."

"That's why I plan on breaking up with her." Jesse whispered, looking away, "It'll hurt less. For both of us."

"I don't understand you, Jesse." Shelby spat, "You're giving everything up. You're giving up Vocal Adrenaline and **your future**. Why?"

"Because I couldn't live with myself if I came back!" Jesse shouted, standing up and kicking his chair out of the way. "I despise what you've made me do and it makes me disgusted with myself for doing it. I **manipulated** her and if she found out, it'd break her heart! No matter how you perceive me, I'm not like you, I have ethics! I have a conscience! I just pray that you have one too because otherwise, bitch, you're going to hell."

For a moment, Shelby sat stunned before her face began to contort with fury.

Slapping him across the face, Shelby replied, "Kiss your Broadway dreams goodbye, Jesse St. James."

And then she was gone and he was alone. Unmoving.

His heartbeat was racing and in his mind, he was questioning himself and wondering if Shelby might pardon him if he ran after her and begged.

Shaking his head, Jesse realized that it was too late.

Glancing around, he grasped that this might be the last time he would ever visit the auditorium. He'd miss it. Dolefully, Jesse jumped up onto the stage and gazed out at the empty audience before him. A spotlight still lit center-stage where a sole microphone, a chair and an acoustic guitar had been placed. Walking over to the microphone, Jesse tapped the receiver to check if it was still on and functioning.

It was.

Uncertainly, Jesse cat down and turned over the guitar to see whose it belonged to but he could find no label that told him of possession. Jesse shrugged and then situated the strap over his shoulder and as he began to sing, he looked up into the intensity of the spotlight for the last time.

_Will you listen to my story?  
It'll just be a minute  
How can I explain?_

_What ever happened here  
Never meant to hurt you  
How could I cause you so much pain?_

_When I say I'm sorry  
Will you believe me?  
Listen to my story  
Say you won't leave me  
When I say I'm sorry  
Can you forgive me?  
When I say I'll always be there  
Will you believe  
Will you believe me?_

_If I told you  
I've been cleaning my soul  
And if I promised you  
I'll regain control  
Will you open your door  
And let me in?  
Take me for who I am  
And not for who I've been?_

_Who I've been..._

Jesse stepped away from the microphone and wiped away a betraying tear before it hit the floor.

In** every way**, he was fucked… and he knew it.

* * *

**So. Did you like it?**

**I know you obviously hate that Jesse and Rachel broke up but how did everything else go over? I hope you enjoyed everything else. Well I know I thoroughly enjoyed writing the scene between Jesse and Shelby though, haha. Finally told her off **** I actually feel a bit (just a tiny bit) bad for her, though. Also, I know that you don't just randomly start singing but in Glee, they do so… yeah!**

**By the way, that was my first time writing a sex scene, so don't be harsh, please. **

**Also, I guess you can go listen to "Sorry" by Daughtry but I don't really like how he does it. I think it would be a lot better as an acoustic version and so that is how I described Jesse singing it. I just feel the Daughtry song is way too overproduced. I searched for hours and I couldn't find any song that perfectly fit! **

**Okay, well! Next chapter… hmm, hopefully in a few days but it might take a bit longer just because I have a huge test on Friday as well as multiple projects that need to get done.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! It means SO MUCH **

**-SpringSinger**


	5. Chapter 5: Broken

****DISCLAIMER: Do we have to go through this again? I WISH GLEE WAS MINE BUT IT ISN'T AND IT NEVER WILL BE. **

**So, this chapter is a series of two short vignettes and one larger and more important scene.**

**By the way, I have a reminder for you guys: no matter how bad things may get… I love happy endings just as much as you guys do. Just thought you should know that :)  
**

**And. Oh my (GLEE SPOILER) I am starting to like Shelby. Damn it. Not supposed to happen! Well my Shelby is much, much more devious. Oh and **** Did you see Jesse on the stage with Vocal Adrenaline in the preview? St. Berry is so over :( **

**Well… anyways, ENJOY! **

**-SpringSinger**

**

* * *

**

As the weeks passed by, Rachel Berry truly began to loathe being pregnant. Her hormones had really begun drive her **crazy** and the fact that she easily burst into tears at the slightest provocation bothered her. In addition, nobody beside Finn knew she was pregnant and thus her treatment hadn't been changed for better or for worse.

This idea was particularly established when Rachel Berry entered school on a bright Wednesday morning. As she walked through the school hallway towards her locker, she forced a smile on her face. Things were pretty bad but Rachel didn't like to think about the circumstances. Her solution: don't focus on the negatives, put on your show face and keep it positive.

_Keep it positive. _Rachel smiled, perhaps it wasn't that hard. _Keep it posit–_

It happened so quickly that Rachel scarcely had time to react as the grape flavored slushie was flung into her face. After **two years** of the "slushie treatment", Rachel had expected by now that they wouldn't (shouldn't) bother her anymore. She had even become an expert in removing the stains six months ago, so it wasn't as if that aspect was a nuisance.

But then again, Rachel Berry wasn't pregnant six months ago.

Sighing shakily, Rachel closed her eyes to deflect her tears as she gradually leaned back onto sturdy lockers. Stability. That was something that was lacking in her life right now and something she desperately wanted. Rachel had become distant and not even her dads knew her inner-most thoughts and feelings anymore.

It was times like these that Rachel Berry seriously considered abortion. But every time she did, her maternal instincts (and other day to day factors) sent her into tears. The thought that her child might never see the light of day and, more importantly, might never sing was too much for Rachel Berry to bear.

Then realization crashed on her.

She had a fantasy. A dream. It was something she'd always had. It was unrealistic, but she was good and she knew it. And Rachel had always thought that that dream would never change. She'd always seen Broadway as her purpose, her future, her meaning. But now… now, everything had changed.

"Rachel?"

Her eyelids fluttered open to meet the worried gaze of Finn Hudson, "Y- yeah?"

He attempted a smile, "You alright?"

Rachel nodded, wiping slushy off of her face, "Yeah... Thanks for checking in, Finn."

For a moment it appeared as if he was going to say something else but instead Finn nodded curtly and walked past her.

Tilting her head wistfully, Rachel remembered when he used to incite butterflies in her stomach. And it took a moment for her to realize that she couldn't recall when she had stopped feeling for Finn as more than a friend. No more did she turn to stare at him longingly as he walked away from her. Her hopeless crush on him was that of a different day's. Maybe at another time Rachel would have missed concern flash across Jesse St. James' face but those days were long gone. When she finally looked up at him from across the hall, he had already turned from her and walked away.

And then she was alone in the empty hallway. Pregnant. Miserable. Covered in slushie. Trying to "keep it positive."

Rachel felt alone as she turned and faced the blank wall across the hall. She wiped her eyes angrily as an additional tear lined her cheek. She hated to cry. It was weakness, exactly what those who threw the slushies in her face fed off of. Although she found dramatic experiences something to draw from when polishing her acting, Rachel would rather play that sort of character on the stage than play the character in real life.

Licking her lips, Rachel reflected bitterly. _At least it's grape. _

_

* * *

_

As she began to speak, the language of Shakespeare drifted from her parted lips eloquently. Shakespeare. The words were poetry. His stories reflected such emotion. And, although she would never admit it, Rachel found it nice to read about people more messed up than her.

_What's here? a cup, clos'd in my true love's hand?  
Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end: —  
O churl! drink all, and left no friendly drop  
To help me after? — I will kiss thy lips;  
Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,  
To make me die with a restorative._

_Thy lips are warm!_

Juliet Capulet was undeniably more screwed up than her and as she spoke, Rachel almost smiled, that is until she remembered that she was speaking the part of the damsel in distress… who was about to commit suicide. Shuddering, Rachel hoped that she would never come to that.

_Yea, noise? — Then I'll be brief. — O happy dagger!_

_This is thy sheath; there rest, and let me –_

Rachel's hand flew to her mouth as she spoke and all thoughts of Romeo and his dear Juliet were utterly forgotten.

_Please. No._ Rachel begged silently, pressing her lips together tightly.

Smiling feebly at her honors placement English class (all of whom were suddenly intrigued), Rachel's hand slowly lowered from her mouth and, taking a deep breath, continued to speak.

_There rest, and let me die._

"Wonderful interpretation, Rachel," Mrs. Saunderson spoke placidly, clapping slowly, "now is there anyone –"

"Mrs. Saunderson," Rachel spoke tightly attempting to keep calm and collected, "may I visit the restroom?"

Nodding, the teacher returned to face a classroom full of distracted students. Everyone's eyes were on Rachel, burning a hole through her back, as she walked out of the room in a seemingly unperturbed fashion. Within a matter of second, she would be running. Rachel would be running to the bathroom and all she could do was pray that nobody was in there.

_Isn't morning sickness supposed to be in… I don't know… THE MORNING? _Rachel thought indignantly.

Although she hadn't quite reached the point where she would start blaming Jesse for all of her troubles and tribulations, Rachel considered herself pretty damn close. Placing the blame on somebody else was alleviating. True, it wasn't completely his fault that she was pregnant but Rachel knew her feeble attempt at nobility would soon be knocked down.

After the routine pattern of morning sickness, Rachel flushed away the evidence and leaned backwards. Slowly, she gently tore off a section of the toilet paper and began to wipe the corners of her mouth, shaking.

Rachel opened the stall door and took a deep breath, walking over to the sink quietly. As she washed her hands, she stared up at her reflection. Since when did Rachel Berry have bags under her eyes? Frowning, she shook out her wet hands and popped a strong Altoid mint into her mouth. For a brief moment, the mint felt startlingly strong and bitter pressed against her taste buds and closed her eyes in revulsion for a second. Rachel detested Altoids but they were a necessity.

Looking back up at the mirror, Rachel met a pair of tired eyes. Eyes so tired that they were altogether unfamiliar. Where was that "Rachel Berry sparkle"? The determination and perseverance? Rachel was certain that the change in appearance must have been quite noticeable. But maybe nobody had commented because nobody cared.

Uneasily, Rachel glanced around at the emptiness of the McKinley High girl's bathroom as she began to pull up her shirt. Classes wouldn't end for another five minutes so she was safe. Turning sideways and closing her eyes, Rachel trembled as she placed a cool hand on her stomach. For a whole month, she had been blocking out her pregnancy from drifting into her thoughts. Whenever she had gotten out of the shower or was changing, she tried not to look at her stomach. In fact, Rachel had even removed all tight-fitting attire from her wardrobe and resorted to donning only light, unfitted tunics and shirts.

But it had been two months and Baby wasn't just going to disappear.

_Baby?_ Rachel thought, smiling quietly to herself. _With all that creativity, that's all you could come up with?_

Slowly, Rachel allowed her eyelids to open and gazed down at her stomach. Anxiously she bit her lip. True, she hadn't done any research but Rachel had always just assumed that you wouldn't be showing at eight weeks.

She was wrong.

Timidly, Rachel tilted her head sideways as she adjusted her delicate hands. If you weren't looking, you wouldn't notice the bump. After all, it was small enough to be mistaken as belly fat. Frowning, Rachel jerked her hands off of her lower abdomen and rolled down her shirt. She felt like one of those insecure teenage girl that always stared in the mirror, wondering if people thought she was fat and ugly. And try as she may, Rachel couldn't help feeling that she was becoming both.

* * *

"Rachel?" Mr. Schuester called after her. "Do you mind staying an extra minute? I have something I'd like to discuss with you."

And, like that, she knew that something was wrong.

For almost an entire month, he had been giving her funny looks. For the first week, she thought nothing of it but when the worried glances had continued, Rachel grew uncomfortable.

Heart beating, Rachel rubbed her palms together anxiously and returned Mr. Schuester's stare, "Ok."

As her fellow peers stood up around her and left, Rachel remained sitting on her hands uneasily. Talking eagerly, none of them observed her disquiet as they past her. Rachel couldn't blame them, nothing must have seemed wrong.

_Take a deep breath. _She instructed herself.

Following Mr. Schuester with her eyes, Rachel watched as he followed her classmates to the door and shut it firmly behind them.

Turning around slowly, Mr. Schuester ran a hand through his hair as his eyes met Rachel's. "We need to have a talk, Rachel."

Nodding, Rachel looked away, "About… what?"

Mr. Schuester sighed tiredly and drew up a chair to face Rachel. "Your song choice." At her blank expression, Mr. Schuester continued, "Whispering. Spring Awakening. Remember?"

Rachel's eyes widened in comprehension as wave of heat rushed through her. She was sure that he could hear her heart beating, it was so loud to her that it practically drummed in her ears.

Licking her dry lips, Rachel slowly and put her new music into her bag, attempting to keep her cool, "I remember."

"Rachel," Mr. Schuester stared at her and Rachel flinched, it felt like he was staring into her soul.

"Y-yes?" Rachel stammered, panic shivering down her spine.

"That song is about pregnancy," Mr. Schuester eyed her quietly, "and much more appropriate as a song choice for Quinn."

Eyes wide, Rachel hesitated, "I-I know."

"Then **why** did you sing it Rachel?" He pleaded with her.

Rachel was unmoving, her expression empty. She felt so cold, out of control. It was like she could feel nothing at all. Everything around her felt numb besides a slight tingling of fear.

"Are you pregnant?"

Feelings. Oh hello. There they were. Now Rachel could remember them.

Slowly, Rachel attempted smiled at Mr. Schuester and bit her quivering lip. Putting her face in her hands, she began to let the tears flow. They were so familiar and so bitter. Her throat ached as she moaned. Sitting up, Rachel wiped away the running mascara.

But she would not let him see her fear any longer.

Pressing her lips tightly together, Rachel's eyes met Mr. Schuester's and she nodded tensely.

"Rachel," Mr. Schuester stood, his eyes pitying.

_Pity._

Rachel felt like slapping him.

As he reached to lie a gentle hand upon her should, she recoiled and began to weep harder than before. Loud sobs strained her throat as she put her head in her hands.

Hurt, Mr. Schuester stepped back quickly and hesitantly sat down in the seat beside her.

For a moment they sat together in a one-sided silence.

Sniveling, Rachel sat up and nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and wiped her eyes against her sleeve. Taking a sharp breath, she bit her lower lip hard, trying to overwhelm emotional pain with that of a physical kind.

"Does anybody else know?

"Well," Rachel began, adjusting herself in her seat, "besides you, Finn knows."

Narrowing his eyebrows, Mr. Schuester began, "Is he the father?"

_Jesse._

Rachel didn't reply.

"Tell me, Rachel," he started, "who is the father?"

"Why do you care?" Rachel spat, standing up and walking away from him quickly.

"I'm your teacher, Rachel," Mr. Schuester spoke gently, "I care."

"I can't tell you," she paused and replied softly, distressed.

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room.

"How far along are you?" He spoke tentatively.

"Two months," Rachel said, her voice trembling.

Staring at the wall, Mr. Schuester nodded tightly, "I'm so sorry, Rachel."

"Why are you sorry?" Rachel turned back to him in shock, stung.

Surprised, he replied, "This could destroy everything, Rachel. I hope you realize that. You're not considering abortion are you?"

"No." The answer was abrupt.

"I didn't think so," Mr. Schuester replied, quietly, "but Rachel, think. You're afraid, I know, but you need to think this through."

Coldly, Rachel turned away from him and spoke, her voice full of ice, "You don't think I'll be a good mother."

Standing, Mr. Schuester grabbed her arm softly from behind.

"No," Mr. Schuester implored, "I just think that adoption or abor–"

"I'm not going to kill my baby!" Rachel screamed, turning and pushing him away violently.

"No, Rachel! I didn't –" Mr. Schuester took a step and reached towards her.

_Smack._

Stepping backwards in shock, Mr. Schuester looked up at Rachel in confusion, "You slapped me."

Scowling, Rachel glared at him before whispering feverishly, "Don't touch me or my baby."

"I'm only trying to help," Mr. Schuester began pleadingly, "You have so much going for you, Rachel. Don't throw it away."

Rachel met his eyes and stared at him with such disgust that it made him shiver.

As she backed away towards the door, Rachel replied callously, "I'm not going to throw anything away, Mr. Schue. **Anything**."

* * *

**I really hope you liked this chapter! I really had fun writing about the exchange between Mr. Schuester and Rachel. Oh and sorry about how long this chapter took. It's probably going to take longer next time because I've decided to start posting chapters once a week. So expect chapter 6 next Saturday. I might possibly post earlier, if I find the time but … you know. Finals suck :(**

**Again, I love reviews! But I especially love constructive criticism because it makes me grow as a writer :)  
**

**-SpringSinger**


	6. Chapter 6: Memory

****DISCLAIMER: For the 6th time, I shall disclaim Glee! Not mine! Not mine!**

**So, this chapter is pretty interesting but I don't really want to give away anything. ****Jesse isn't in it but don't worry. You'll be seeing a LOT more of him soon. This is going to be quite a long, long story and I'm just setting everything up :)  
**

**Enjoy andddd review, review, review! It's motivating and makes me want to write more.  
**

**So, I didn't like the latest episode. Well actually I loved most of it but Rachel and Jesse broke up (like I predicted) so I was quite depressed (just like Jesse at the end of 'Give Up the Funk' haha) I was also so very sad because the freaking season finale is next week! AHH! Well I hope New Directions wins Regionals. I bet they will but you never know. The writers could have written an unexpected twist or something. Like maybe Aural Intensity will beat out both ND and VA. Just a thought... haha!  
**

**So, enjoy!  
**

**-SpringSinger**

* * *

The night air was warm and the sky clear.

As Rachel Berry sat on the rose-hued window seat, gazing out at the blackened sky, she quietly recalled a night much like this. A night in which contained that duration of time that had changed her life. After contemplation, she did consider it practically unbelievable that such a short period of time could change everything so drastically. But whether that change was to be for the better or worse was something that only time could tell.

Frowning, Rachel tucked her legs closer to her chest.

The pale curtains framing the windows shifted and murmured as a soft, comforting breeze blew in. It was as if the wind was reassuring her, telling her to not be afraid of the memories. It wasn't like she could change them anyways.

But her recollection was especially vivid that night.

_Jesse._

Rachel closed her eyes and took a moment before slowly instructing herself. _Breath._

Frustrated, she opened her eyes. It wasn't as if closing them was helping her anyways. Memories will forever be memories; you can't erase them, no matter how hard you try. They're always there, lingering in the back of your mind, causing all the regrets and "what if"s.

Rachel flinched as she caught a glimpse of her bed's vague reflection in the window. It had all happened right there, in that very room. It was haunting.

_And he was on her. __Slowly, he eased his mouth onto hers __as –_

Why wasn't it that she couldn't forget? Why did everything have to remind her of him?

_–__ she flung her arms around his neck and slid her tongue between his parted lips. Jesse's arm wound around her lower back as he began to pull her closer, Rachel jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist._

Why wasn't it that she could not move on? It was almost as if she could still taste his lips, feel his warmth, hear his laugh, see his smile. _  
_

Sighing, Rachel turned from the window and walked jadedly back over to her bed, the minty tang of Colgate toothpaste still clinging to her lips. Rachel pensively turned a strand of hair around her finger. Too many thoughts were running through her mind. After all, she was an over-thinker, an over-analyzer. And sleep is not something that comes easily to an uneasy mind. Frustrated, she dropped backwards onto her bed like a stone. As she turned her head on its side, she caught sight of something glinting in the light of her bedside lamp.

Her cell phone.

Frowning, Rachel sat up and scooted across the bed, reaching towards it. She hesitated for a moment, turning it back and forth between her hands. No matter how much she attempted to block all thoughts of Jesse from her mind, he was who she desperately wanted and **needed **to talk with. Yes, she hated that he hurt her and that he didn't seem to care. She hated that he broke her heart but she didn't hate him and that's what she hated most of all.

Flipping her cell onto its front, Rachel hesitantly leaned backwards onto her pillow and began to text Jesse.

_can u come over?_

Nervously, Rachel paused at the 'Send' key. Uncertainty flickered through her and she began to gently gnaw at her lower lip. Tucking a bothersome strand of brunette hair around her ear, Rachel stood up, irritated at her own indecisiveness. Vacillation had never been a problem for Rachel prior to her pregnancy and she hadn't the slightest clue as to what had brought it about.

Her thumb fidgeted above the touch screen before she spontaneously tapped the back button, deleted Jesse's number from the list of recipients and added another's.

Finn's.

Turning, Rachel sat up and slid over to the edge of her bed, staring intently at the bright screen.

_Why the hell not? _and the message was sent.

Tossing her phone onto the cushioning covers, Rachel stood and nervously began to pace back and forth between her closet and bed.

A moment later she received a new message.

At the sound of the familiar jingle, Rachel jumped and ran to her phone. Anxiously she unlocked it and began reading the message.

_ill b there in 20_

* * *

"Rachel!" A voice hissed from outside, making her jump.

Hurriedly, Rachel tossed her worn copy of _Persuasion _to the floor and as she stood, kicked it beneath her bed. Rachel turned and as she neared the part-way open window, impulsively smoothed out her hair.

"Rachel?"

"I'm right here," She whispered loudly, thrusting the squeaking windowpane farther upwards as she leaned out.

Across her boulevard, the pale moon was resting in the sky above a line of pine trees. Stars were scattered across the horizon and a somewhat poignant quiet haunted the surroundings. As the moonlight spread across the ground like a blanket, it illuminated her home's environs splendidly. A soft breeze blew in through the window, gently pressing Rachel's dark locks against her cheek.

Blinking, Rachel attempted to adjust her eyes to the dim, natural lighting. Her pupils gradually began to dilate as she searched the patio beneath her. Catching a glimpse of a shady figure leaning with one leg rested on the wall and one supporting himself on the ground beneath her, Rachel spoke.

"Finn…" Her voice wavered, "is that you?"

At the sound of Rachel's voice, the figure twisted around and looked upwards. The moonlight casted down onto his face, enlightening his features and aided Rachel in making out Finn's face.

"Yeah," he replied, as their eyes met.

Nodding, Rachel leaned farther out of her window and glanced at her virtually bare front yard.

"Do – do you think you can climb that tree, Finn?" Rachel replied timidly. "I was just thinking from all that football you'd have the sort of strength and prowess –"

"Rachel, Rachel," Finn held up a hand to silence her, smiling, "it's not a problem."

Nodding curtly, Rachel gestured at the large maple tree adjacent to her window. "You should try that one."

"Will do," he replied, pushing himself away from the wall and sizing up the tree.

Silently, Finn took grip of one of the lower branches whilst steadying himself with the spare hand on the rough bark. Finn grunted as he hoisted himself up onto the first branch.

Standing, he clutched an additional branch for support and looked up at Rachel, "So, why'd you call me?"

Rachel watched him as he once again dragged himself onto a higher branch, "Well, I – watch out!" His hand slipped and the coarse bark cut his skin.

Regaining his poise, Finn continued to elevate himself. "I'm alright," he responded, smiling up at her, "but this had better be good."

She returned his smile grudgingly and awkwardly sat backwards, looking down at her hands.

In a way, Rachel felt culpable and suffered from a quiet sort of anxiety from the fact that she knew she was using Finn. Manipulating his feelings. Leading him on.

Just like Finn had previously done to her.

Was there ever a time that the "more than friendly" affection for each other had been mutual? It was always an affliction for one or the other. Rachel yearning for Finn even though he was with Quinn. Finn pining for Rachel even though she was in love with Jesse.

"Rachel." Her head snapped upwards as he grunted her name, he must have already gotten to the top. "Help."

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed, leaning back out of the window and reaching out to him, "Here, just grab my hand."

As he reached towards her hand, Finn slipped once again but quickly recovered his composure.

"I'm alright," he replied, flashing Rachel a good-spirited, lopsided grin as he took hold of her tiny hand, clambered through her window and sat down beside her on the window-seat.

For an instance, the two sat side by side in an uncomfortable silence.

"You really ought to be more careful, Finn," Rachel replied curtly, smoothing out her skirt as she glanced in his direction.

Disregarding her last comment, Finn waved his hand and turned towards her, "Are you alright?"

Blinking, Rachel bit her lip and faced forwards, "Yeah."

"And the... baby?" Finn spoke timidly, standing up and facing her.

"Baby's fine," Rachel murmured, curling a loose wisp of hair behind her ear.

Once again, familiar quiet settled between the two.

Tentatively, Rachel stood and walked over to him. "Finn?"

"Yes?"

"I just... need someone to be here."

And she crumbled. Defenses were down and now, now she was in his arms.

Instinctively, she laid her head against his chest.

"I – I can be here for you, Rachel." Finn threaded his arms around her and took a steadying breath as she pressed her warm body against his.

"I don't know what to do," Rachel shook her head, eyes widened. She was too overwhelmed to cry, to feel.

And as she looked up at him, as their eyes met... it happened.

She knew that she ought to have completely rejected him when he tried to kiss her. But his adoring gaze, his reassuring tone… it was overpowering. To Rachel, it was not a sentiment of love or even of affection. The fact that somebody wanted her again was enticing. Somebody cared. How could she refuse that when she felt so completely abandoned by Jesse?

It was only a second that their lips met and it was only a second that Rachel forgot herself.

Warmth. Feeling.

_Jesse._

Immediately, Rachel violently shoved Finn away from her and clumsily stepped backwards, flustered. Shocked, she brushed her smooth fingers across her lips briefly. Rachel tried not to meet Finn's eyes, frightened of the injured look that she knew would be plastered across his face. She just **knew **that if she looked up, the guilt would be unmanageable and she wasn't sure she could carry that burden along with everything else she was dealing with at the moment.

_Coward. _Rachel scolded herself inwardly. _Selfish._

"Finn, I'm pregnant with Jesse's child."

"Rachel," Finn moved towards her, reaching over to put a hand on her shoulder. She cringed at his touch.

"Don't touch me, Finn," Rachel whispered, startled.

"Why?" He shook his head dejectedly.

Attempting a feeble smile, Rachel took a step forward and hesitantly laid her hand upon his.

"I just –," Rachel began, stumbling for words and feelings she didn't know were there, "I don't feel right having – having people touch me when all I can think about when they do is… is Jesse."

"Why can't you just forget him, Rachel?" he replied angrily, pulling his hand violently away from her grip. "He **destroyed **you! And he isn't even here. I'm here. You don't have to do this alone, you know!"

Frustrated, Finn grabbed the back of his neck and turned away from her. Closing his eyes, he blinked away the tears. He couldn't afford to let himself get all worked up.

Slowly, Rachel stood and wrapped her arms around her chest.

Yes. Rachel knew she was being selfish but she couldn't bear pushing Finn away. Hurting him. At least not while knowing that he was the only one who could comfort and help her. He was the only one who even cared. Or at least, that was Rachel's perspective. In her eyes, she was the tragic heroine, forsaken by all those she cared about. It was quite foolish actually, considering that nobody besides Finn and Mr. Schuester even knew about her pregnancy.

Although Rachel would never admit it, Jesse St. James had broken her. He wounded more than just her heart. His rejection had damaged her self-confidence, her pride, her willingness to trust. The hurt still ached and the pain of it was so unfamiliar that she had no idea how to deal with it. He was perfect. They were perfect together. The connection and chemistry between them was undeniable. Rachel didn't understand where it had gone wrong.

Worst of all, Jesse had promised Rachel that he would **never** break her heart.

Well, he did.

She even told him that she would never get over it.

Well, she hadn't.

And Rachel thought she probably never would, especially considering the fact that he had caused the time-bomb of responsibility ticking away in her stomach.

Approaching Finn, Rachel laid a gentle hand upon his shoulder. "I'm not going to do it alone."

"Well, who's going to help you?" Finn spat, shrugging her hand off. "As far as I know, you haven't told your dads. What if they kick you out like Quinn's parents did? Then what?"

Taken aback, Rachel stepped away from Finn, burned, as he spoke her greatest fears. Stunned, she stared at him with wide eyes as cold fear rushed down her spine. It chilled her to the very bone.

"And," Finn turned around, his volume raising, "do you actually think Jesse will give a fuck? He's going to leave you again, Rachel. And you're such a good person that you're I **know **you're going to let him do it!"

Fear washed over her, dulling her senses.

"Finn," Rachel muttered, avoiding his gaze, "lower your voice. You'll wake up my dads."

"Yeah, well maybe they should wake up. They should hear." Finn retorted, "I mean, you think they'd want to know about their daughters pregnancy!"

"Finn!" She cried, her voice cracking, "Stop it! Please!"

Shaking, Rachel collapsed into a heap on the floor, warm tears streaming down her face. She tried to stop the sobbing. She tried. But the emotions and the fear was over-powering. Rachel was utterly terrified. It wasn't even all really Finn's fault. Speaking her worries out loud had simply pushed her over the edge. It was really just everything all together. The stress, the instability, the unknown.

Because for the first time in her life, Rachel Berry had absolutely no idea what to do.

As if her tears had brought him back to reality, Finn turned around and looked at her, finally understanding how broken she really was.

Guiltily, he leaned down beside her and laid a gentle hand on her back. "Sorry."

Swallowing a sob, Rachel glared up at him, "That's it?"

"No," Finn muttered, taking his time, "I'm really sorry I blew up at you. That – that was cruel and stupid."

Rachel nodded brusquely.

Deep in her heart, she knew that Finn's actions could be completely rationalized.

"And," Rachel started, determined, "I'm sorry that I've been... hurting you, Finn."

They sat together in silence for a moment.

At last, Finn quietly stood and offered her a hand, "It's okay."

Rachel took his open hand and hoisted herself up onto her feet. "Hey, Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you can stay for a few more hours... or at least until we finish watching West Side Story?"

Nodding, Finn sat down onto her bed. "Sure. Why not?"

Rachel smiled. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Rachel started towards her DVD cabinet, smiling quietly.

"And Finn," Rachel stopped and turned to look at him.

"Mmm-hmm?" Finn replied, meeting her eyes.

"Do you –" Rachel paused, hesitant, "Do you think you could come with me when I visit my doctor tomorrow?"

Finn nodded, pleased, "Yeah. I'd love to."

"I just feel that," she shrugged, "that, well... I honestly don't know what I'm doing, Finn. I think my doctor will be able to tell me what I should do. I – I don't know how to do this on my own. I'm afraid –"

"Don't be, Rachel," Finn smiled as she sat down on the bed beside her and rested his hand on her knee, "I'll be here for you whenever you need me."

For an instant they sat together, content, in a silent moment of powerful friendship.

"I **am **going to tell my dads, Finn," Rachel whispered.

"I know you will."

Smiling, Rachel gently leaned her head onto his shoulder.

"And Finn –"

"Yeah?" He cut her off.

"Thanks."

* * *

**Yeahh! That took me forever forever forever to write. **

**This chapter was actually planned to have three parts to it, but this first part was so long that I had to make it its own chapter. I wish it hadn't though because I was planning on Rachel telling Jesse about her pregnancy next chapter. Oh well... :) Haha! Chap. 7 is pretty fun though, so don't be too disappointed. Next, Rachel takes a trip to the doctors and has her first ultrasound at 10 weeks. Oooh, exciting!**

**Also, the whole "ticking time-bomb of responsibility" thing is kind of stolen from one of Claire's lines in Lost, hehe. So... it's not mine. Just thought you should know that.  
**

**At the latest, chapter 7 will be up next Sunday but I doubt it will be that delayed. Expect it around Thursday/Friday-ish :)**

**So... now it's time for you to review! :D  
**

**-SpringSinger  
**


	7. Chapter 7: Between the Lines

****DISCLAIMER: Glee. It's not mine and it's not yours. Well maybe, I guess… but only if you're Ryan Murphy, Brad Falchuk or Ian Brennan.**

**I enjoyed the positive response about the previous chapter :) Keeeeeppp it coming! I love, love, LOVE reviews! I can't believe the number of you that care. **

**So… what'd you think about the season finale of Glee? I really, really wished that New Directions won Regionals but, hey, I guess this IS the first season. Also, didn't you think it was kind of weird and predictable that Shelby adopted Beth? I can't wait till Season 2. **

**Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! So, so sorry this took longer than expected :(**

**Oh and by the way, the title of this chapter is inspired by the song by Sara Bareilles.  
**

**-SpringSinger**

**

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**

The walls were coated lightly with beige and embellished by large, peeling stickers that related to things of a childish nature. A decal of Rachel's favorite Disney princess, Belle, rested above the metal trash can at the far side of the tiny, windowless room while another sticker, of Aladdin, was stuck to the wall behind Finn's chair. The tension between the two teenagers was quiet and awkward and not at all improved by the nature of their juvenile surroundings. To Rachel, all that the Disney characters adorning the walls did was remind her of her childhood. And when her thoughts drifted to those days, they would ultimately end up as thoughts of Baby.

Although she preferred to entirely avoid all thoughts of her pregnancy as to block out the realization of inevitable responsibility, the brooding secret had become the center of her life. No more did she do anything for personal pleasure. Even Nationals seemed trivial now. It was as if every action, every reason, every thought she had now was something that related to Baby. Although the regret of her actions with Jesse was intense, Rachel found that she couldn't exactly regret Baby.

And it had been along that journey of realization that Rachel had found herself starting to care for the life forming within her stomach.

"Alright, Ms. Berry," as the old Pole opened the door and adjusted her white doctor's coat, her thick accent rung throughout the room, "what seems to be the problem today?"

Startled at the sudden break in silence and her overwhelming nerves, Rachel was momentarily speechless. Although she had gone through the process of revealing her secret twice, this time… well, this time meant something. Things would be set in motion because of this visit, this truth-telling. It was a step in the right direction and although she felt good about taking it, she found that she couldn't help the anxiety.

Glancing uneasily at Rachel, Finn adjusted his posture, "Um. Rach?"

Her vision flicked towards him for an instant before she licked her parched lips and faced her doctor. The woman appeared a few years younger than she actually was, as her graying roots blended in almost completely with the pallid, white-blonde of her hair. And, if not for the scarlet lip stick and brass name-pin, the woman might have been completely washed out by the lack of color.

The Pole spoke again as she noticed Finn and smiled good-naturedly at the 16 year old boy, extending a friendly hand, "I'm Dr. Zofia Cogiel."

Nodding briskly, Finn returned her gaze and shook the outstretched hand, "Finn."

An uncomfortable stillness filled the room for a brief second as the two both turned to look at Rachel, who appeared rather distant.

"Rachel?"

At the sound of Dr. Cogiel's husky voice, she blinked. "Yes?"

Smiling lightly, the woman sat down across from Rachel on a black, wheeling stool. "I was just wondering if you were going to tell me the reason of your visit today."

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed, shifting on the paper covered bench. "Yeah."

Discreetly, she threw an imploring glance at Finn.

"Rachel," he urged gently.

As their eyes met and as he smiled at her, she was calmed.

Rachel smiled back at Finn, trying to let him know through her eyes how appreciative she truly was. Swallowing, she turned from him, prepared.

"I'm pregnant." The words left her lips a lot easier than she had expected. Rachel guessed later that the words had been such a constant presence in her mind that she had finally gotten used to their company.

Dr. Cogiel sat rigidly for an instant before turning silently to the counter beside her and grabbing the blank clipboard. Looking up, she swiveled around in her chair in an obvious search for something.

"Do you perchance have a pen or pencil on you, hun?" She spoke softly to Finn.

"Uh," Finn hesitated, flashing a puzzled look towards Rachel, "there's one over by the sink."

The doctor smiled lightly, reached across the counter-top and grabbed the blue-ink pen. "I'm guessing you're only a few months along, Rachel."

She looked downwards at her feet, "3 months as of Thursday."

"Really?" Dr. Cogiel asked, surprised, as she penned down the information, "can you turn sideways for me, sweetie?"

Rachel nodded and swung her legs up as she turned towards her right. Zofia studied Rachel unblinkingly for a moment before returning to her clipboard.

"Well, you're obviously not having twins. You don't even need a doctor to tell you that. You're nowhere near big enough. I didn't even notice the bump underneath that tunic of yours."

Rachel blinked as she hung her legs over the edge of the paper-covered bench. She hadn't even considered the possibility.

"Huh," Dr. Cogiel started, her eyes still focused on the piece of paper before her, "Are you taking any medications?"

"No." She turned her face to the ground.

"Prenatal vitamins?"

Rachel took one of her hands from its place at the edge of the bench and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she shook her head.

"Alright then," Dr. Cogiel replied quickly, "I'll write a prescription for you."

And the room became silent apart from the scratching of Dr. Cogiel's pen against paper. Finn and Rachel exchanged blank glances.

"Now, dear, tell me your symptoms. Are you experiencing nausea? Did you miss your menstrual cycle? Any cravings? That sort of thing."

Rachel's eyebrows furrowed as she looked upwards. "Well, I – I've had a bit of morning sickness and I guess I've been…," she paused and glanced uncomfortably at Finn, "urinating more frequently."

"Uh-huh," the doctor nodded slowly as she returned to her clipboard.

"And," Zofia began uncomfortably, "I'm sorry but I have to ask this question, did you two use a condom, no condom, were you relying on birth control, etc.?"

"Oh!" Rachel exclaimed, eyes widening in realization and horror, "No, no, no, no, no, no! Finn is NOT the father! He's – he's just a… friend."

Rachel glanced apologetically over at Finn who despite being practically expressionless now had a slightly redder tinge to his cheeks. Rachel swore that she could see pain flicker through his eyes but it was gone before she had any time to process. Guiltily, she looked away from him and back at a clearly embarrassed Dr. Cogiel.

"Oh, I apologize… I just assumed –"

"Don't worry about it," Finn spoke gruffly, slouching in his chair.

Biting her lip, Rachel glanced over at him worriedly.

She paused for a moment before returning her face to Zofia. "The – the father doesn't actually know about the baby," she spoke slowly, closing her eyes as to block any thoughts of Jesse from forming in her mind.

Dr. Cogiel pursed her lips, "And your fathers?"

Rachel hesitated. "They don't know either. Yet."

Zofia nodded tersely. "Well, I trust that you will tell your fathers and the father of your child on your own time."

"I will," Rachel whispered as she ran a hand up her arm.

"Well, I have a few instructions for you, Rachel," Dr. Cogiel smiled slightly.

She winced at the pity in her doctor's eyes, "Alright."

"While you're pregnant," she started tentatively, afraid of overwhelming the young girl, "you cannot drink alcohol or take drugs, you must exercise and you **have** to eat right. I know that all of these points seem quite obvious but I cannot stress their importance enough. Your baby's health and wellbeing depend on the actions you take in these next 6 months."

Rachel nodded tensely and swallowed. "Ok."

"Now," Dr. Cogiel sighed, "I'm going to set you up for an ultrasound later today, if that's alright with you, Rachel."

"It works for me," Rachel shrugged, glancing over at Finn, who sat motionless against the wall.

"Great," the doctor smiled reassuringly, "now, if you'll excuse me for a moment, I'm going to go and write you a prescription for those vitamins."

As Dr. Cogiel stood, it appeared for an instant as if she was going to say something else. Instead, she turned and left the room without another word, leaving Finn and Rachel alone as they absorbed everything that had just heard.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Finn asked after the moment of silent reflection.

She hesitated before speaking, "Well, only if you can. It's not your baby, Finn, you don't owe me or it anything."

Finn's eyebrows furrowed as he folded him arms, "Don't remind me."

"Remind you what?" Rachel whispered, her eyes wide, "Remind you that it isn't your baby? What, do you **want** it to be yours, Finn?"

"I just don't want it to be Jesse's," he replied sharply, practically interrupting her. "I just want – well, yeah… maybe I do want it to be mine, Rachel. Is that so wrong?"

"Finn –"

"Because maybe if it **were** mine you'd be in love with me instead of Jesse. Just cause he's the father doesn't mean you two have to be in love. Nobody has fairytale endings in real life, Rach. And hell, he damn near destroyed you. How can you still love him? Do I have to remind you that he broke your fucking heart? He's didn't care. Fuck, he probably doesn't care and probably won't ever care. **I'm** the one who's here, Rachel, the one who's picking up the broken pieces. Don't you get that I would never break your heart?"

For a moment, Rachel was speechless.

His bitter words had cut her, reopening a wound that she had been trying to heal for a very long time. Maybe deep down in her heart she knew all along that the things he had said might very well be true. Maybe that is why it hurt so damn much. But she wasn't going to let him see her cry again; he had already caused too many tears. Nevertheless, she didn't feel like crying, she felt more like killing him. Rachel was furious that he kept insisting when she continually shunned his advances. He didn't understand and yet he thought he did. His ignorance made her absolutely livid. Finn believed she was in love with Jesse because he was the father of her unborn child. But she wasn't in love with him because of that. She was in simply love with him because he was Jesse and Jesse was everything that she had ever wanted and needed.

Love.

**Was** she in love with Jesse? Not even Rachel herself could answer that question.

"Finn," her voice cracked as she spoke, "don't you remember? You already broke my heart. It was Jesse that fixed me. Not you. I was **so** in love with you, Finn, and you just tossed me aside for two whores. And I guess after you realized that you needed me, it was too late. And I keep telling you that, Finn! It's too late."

"But Rachel," Finn stood and pleadingly took her tiny hands in his large ones, "he hurt you too. Why can't you let me help you get over him?"

"Because I **can't** get over him, Finn," she tore her hands away from his, "and because I don't want to use you and lead you on. All I need is a friend and if you can't accept that than maybe you shouldn't come. I – I can't deal with all this baby stress and your feelings for me at the same time. It's just … too much. I don't want continue hurting you."

Finn closed his eyes briefly and looked away from her in an attempt to mask his emotions. Rachel had already hurt him and although it pained her to see him in agony, she knew that her harsh words were necessary. But she still couldn't help doubt flicker through her. Taking a deep breath, Rachel hoped with all of her heart that she was doing the right thing.

"I –" Finn stammered, clearly choked up.

Rachel gently laid a tentative hand on his arm. Although flinching at first contact, Finn gradually relaxed and even took her hand back into his.

As their eyes met, Finn smiled sadly before he began to speak, "I can try, Rachel, to be strong for you… I just – I just don't know if I can do it. Because the truth of it is, you're carrying Jesse's baby within you. It's not mine and that… that hurts."

"Finn, I'm sorry," Rachel murmured, looking away from him as she apologized… for everything.

"And Rachel," Finn began quietly, "is it alright with you if I – if I don't come to the ultrasound? I just…don't think I can handle seeing it."

Biting her lip, Rachel nodded miserably.

At her expression, Finn blinked and began to speak quickly, "But if you need me there –"

"No, Finn," Rachel squeezed his hand, "it's alright. I've already asked too much from you."

And there they stood, facing each other as they balanced together on the edge. The line separating friendship and love.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**I'm sorry that it wasn't as entertaining as usual… it was just kind of necessary. Guess what though? Next chapter is almost all Jesse, Rachel and the baby. It's going to be very long and, if I do says so myself, amazing. Its contents include the ultrasound, the truth and DRAMA! Oh, and lots of St. Berry :) Expect it DEFINENTLY next Tuesday. One week. This time I promise, promise, promise that I won't make you wait ANY longer. **

**Excited as I am? Stick around. **

**-SpringSinger**


	8. Chapter 8: On My Own

****DISCLAIMER: I've already made 7 disclaimers. Can I stop now? I think we get it. I did not create Glee… not like you guys didn't already know that! Haha. Also, I am not and should not be associated with the creation of "On My Own" from the musical **_**Les Misérables**_**.**

**Ooh look! I'm early! I thought I probably should get this chapter out early to make up for being late last week. Don't get any ideas though. The one chapter a week thing is going to continue as scheduled. **

**Enjoy guys :) This is a LONG chapter. It's because my original chapter outline was kinda screwed up. I meant for chapter 6 to also include the doctor's appointment and ultrasound but all three parts kinda ended up each having a chapter to themselves. So the ultrasound is squeezed into this one. Oh, by the way, later on in this chapter, there will be some 3****rd**** person POV switching. That probably makes no sense. I'm sorry. It's like… Rachel's point of view then Jesse's then back to Rachel. But in 3****rd**** person. Don't worry, it sounds a lot more confusing when I'm trying to explain it. You should be able to pick up on it. Also, beware. There's a lot of cursing to come. **

**-SpringSinger**

**

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**

Rachel Berry was nervous.

Nervous. It was a perfect summary of her feelings.

Maybe at another point in her lifetime, Rachel might have viewed her perception then as foolish. An older, wiser Rachel Berry might have even scoffed at her younger version's naivety. What had she expected anyways? That when she saw her baby for the first time, everything would be perfect? Maybe that's why she was so nervous. Because, although she wouldn't admit it to herself, Rachel had absolutely no idea what she would do if things didn't start looking up.

And yes. She knew very well that things could be worse.

Things could always be worse and that was something she had learned from experience.

But yet, Rachel still held onto that glimmer of hope. Hope that things could actually take a turn for the better **instead** of the worse. Hope for the fairytale ending she had always dreamed of. It was stupid. She knew it. It was probably even impossible. She knew that too, but the difference was that she couldn't accept it.

"Rachel Berry?"

Blinking, she glanced up from her place in the tiny, stiff chair to face a young, girlish woman most likely to be in her early twenties. She was short, no more than 5' 3", and had long dish-water blonde hair. Everything about her was plain, almost boring.

Except for the expression on her face.

The look she was giving Rachel was surprisingly kind and oddly… sympathetic. Frankly, it made her uncomfortable. All that preparation for pity or disdain had gone to waste by the woman who dared to be considerate.

"I'm her," She replied quickly, not realizing until afterwards that she was the only one in the clinic's waiting room.

"Well, Rachel, I'm Sophie and if you would follow me to the next room, we can start your ultrasound," the woman said as Rachel stood.

"Nice to meet you," she gave the cheerful technician a half-smile.

"Is this your first ultrasound?" Sophie continued, speaking over her shoulder at the pregnant teen following close behind.

Rachel nodded.

"It's a really wonderful experience," Sophie replied as she opened the door and led Rachel into the tiny room. "You can lay down right there."

Nodding, Rachel carefully placed herself onto her back and laid down onto the thin, clean mattress. Judging from appearances, she might have appeared placid and calm but that was not at all an accurate representation of what she was feeling inside.

"So," Sophie interrupted Rachel's thoughts, "how far along are you, dear?"

Rachel replied in a quiet voice, her eyes at the ceiling, "I'm about twelve weeks."

"Good lord," the technician replied, as she picked up the bottle of gel and took off the cap. "I would've never guessed. You're tiny. Can you lift your shirt up, hun?"

Rachel complied silently, pulling her old baby-doll top upwards. Nervously, she glanced at the ultrasound machine's blank monitor. Everything was happening like a dream. It was all so unreal. An ultrasound. She really was pregnant. She was really doing this.

Turning from her spot facing the machine, Sophie gently tucked a powdery blue colored towel into Rachel's skirt and squirted the ultrasound gel onto her swelling belly. As the cold, thick gel met her skin, Rachel flinched slightly and grew tense.

"Ready?" Sophie smiled softly at the pregnant teen as she reached over to grab the transducer.

Biting her lip, Rachel nodded hesitantly.

It was a queer thing, the emotions that Rachel was experiencing. While the incredible and overwhelming terror she had been feeling since day one was still present in the back of her mind, other feelings had begun to come into play. The anticipation and excitement an expecting mother should always feel had finally begun to grow within her. Rachel Berry was going to be a mother.

Only one thing was missing and Rachel knew exactly what it was.

Jesse.

He didn't even know Baby existed. That fact alone made her cringe with guilt. It wasn't even the shame anymore that made her cower behind baby-doll tops and bubble dresses. It was the confrontation. The face-to-face. She wasn't sure that she could keep it together if she told him about Baby and she didn't want to, and couldn't, cry in front of him.

Jesse St. James had already seen too many of her tears.

"Now don't you worry one bit about this," Sophie's voice broke through Rachel's thoughts, startling her.

Blankly, Rachel nodded and turned her head towards the screen as Sophie lowered the transducer to her stomach.

And then, she saw Baby.

The tiny face, the tiny body, those fingers and toes, everything about the unborn child was beautiful and so completely innocent. How could Rachel's mistakes result in something so wonderful, so blameless, so pure? It was unbelievable.

"Rachel," Sophie whispered, smiling, "there's your baby."

And although this was only the first glimpse of the miracle so close to her heart, Rachel was ready to go to hell for this child.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" Rachel murmured, her eyes locked on the monitor.

Chuckling, Sophie replied, "It's way too early for that, dear."

Rachel didn't reply. It didn't matter. Boy or girl, Baby was perfect. How could she have ever thought otherwise? Astonished, Rachel stared up at the screen in wonder at her sweet child, longing for the day when they would meet. Longing for the first time that she could hold Baby in her arms.

"I'm having a baby," she whispered.

The moment was magical. Overwhelming, but yet the fear had melted away. Instead, there was an undeniable sense of completion. She had finally found the missing piece. Completion. It was the same emotion that Rachel had experienced when she first performed on stage. And although there was so much heartache and pain involved, she already loved her child. It was bewildering. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. The feelings were so intense, so confusing, that she did not even notice the tears openly streaming down her face. Was she ready? That, Rachel did not know. But what she did know was this: that she had found a whole new meaning and purpose that would make her strong and give her reason. The life Rachel once knew was gone and yet, she was unperturbed by that fact. This child needed Rachel and as she stared up at the tiny being, she realized that she needed it too.

And in that moment, everything truly was perfect.

* * *

Jesse St. James was a lot of things and people always used many different words to describe him. Egotistical. Talented. Competitive. Brave. Confident. Aggressive. Protective. Tactless.

But what many didn't know was that he was actually a good and honest person.

True, he had been playing the character of the careless, narcissist bad boy for so long that the personality had begun to wear off on him but, if you ever really got to know him you'd know that he did have a conscience. A sense of right and wrong. And it was just that sense that had him standing outside of the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion at 2:50 PM on that Monday in early May. Perhaps it was selfish, but Jesse was there because he honestly couldn't live with the guilt that had been burdening him for the past three months. And although he knew that Rachel's accusing stares could conceivably get worse after the truth had been told, at least Jesse wouldn't feel like he was living a lie. The truth was **always** better than a lie.

Wasn't it?

Jesse knew he would find her there, in the auditorium, of that he was certain. It was routine that every Monday after school she would work on her Glee assignment there from 2:50 to 3:50. It used to be schedule for Jesse as well, that is, until he broke up with her and was no longer welcomed.

So there he stood, adorned in a signature pair of black rockers, dark wash jeans and a jean jacket, staring at the sturdy wooden doors leading into the auditorium. His face could not be read, such was the blankness of his expression but inside, his heart was pounding. Never had he been accustomed to such confusing emotions crashing down onto him all at once. The guilt was still there, eating away at him, but now, he was also afraid. Nervous. Jesse hadn't felt nervous since his first opening night. The emotion itself frightened him and he wasn't sure that he wanted Rachel to see this vulnerability for her. Because no matter how much they had ever opened up to each other, Jesse wasn't sure that she ever knew how emotionally attached he had become to her. Sure, in the beginning it was a lie and yes, it was incredibly cliché, but he now believed that he had fallen for her. And when you love something, you have to let it go.

Right?

* * *

As Rachel Berry entered the backstage area of the April Rhodes Civic Pavilion with her sheet music in hand, everything was dark. But that wasn't a problem. Turning, she opened the metal box on the wall beside the back door and flipped on the one of the three switches. Peering through the horizontally placed curtains, Rachel watched as the stage became illuminated.

Walking out onto the stage, Rachel blinked as her eyes adapted to the glaring lights. Although when she would perform this piece for her fellow Glee clubbers she wouldn't be on stage, Rachel found that practicing as if she were being watched by hundreds always made her better prepared. As she sat down onto the center-stage piano bench, she wasn't thinking about much. Mondays from 2:50 to 3:50 were always a relaxed, easy-going period of time for her and being on stage helped her take her mind off of other matters. Like Baby.

It had only been two days ago that Rachel had gone in for her first ultrasound and after the experience, she began to discover the presence of her unborn child more comforting than anything. It was actually starting to feel like everything was going right for a change. While she still hadn't told either Jesse or her fathers about her current predicament, Rachel liked to think that she wasn't as afraid of the confrontation as before. Furthermore, ever since the ultrasound she found herself settling back into her standard routine. It was almost even as if everything was going back to normal.

Almost.

For a moment, Rachel sat staring at her sheet music.. On My Own. The show _Les __Misérables _had always been special to her and the character of Eponine even more. Although previously she had never been specifically able to relate to the character's tragic experiences, Rachel found that now, more than ever, she could empathize with the sort of longing for Marius that Eponine had. The unreturned affection. It reminded her of Jesse. And although he was still a sore spot for her, Rachel considered this assignment as her way of finally getting over him, or at least, her feeble attempt at it.

Straightening her posture, Rachel lightly placed her soft hands onto the piano keys and began to sing.

_On my own  
Pretending he's beside me  
All alone, I walk with him till morning  
Without him  
I feel his arms around me  
And when I lose my way I close my eyes  
And he has found me_

Delicately, Rachel glanced up into the stage lights as she blinked away tears. She took a shaky breath, angry at herself for letting the emotion of the song affect her. Rachel was unsure now that she could sing this song in front of Jesse if she had the possibility of breaking down like this. What was she doing? She was supposed to be getting over him. She was supposed to be **strong**. Why was everything so damn confusing?

_In the rain the pavement shines like silver  
All the lights are misty in the river  
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight  
And all I see is him and me forever and forever_

Biting her lip, Rachel closed her eyes. Wasn't that how it used to be? Rachel wishing to be with Jesse "forever and forever"?

_And I know it's only in my mind  
That I'm talking to myself and not to him  
And although I know that he is blind  
Still I say, there's a way for us_

Rachel's voice began to shake with blind emotion. The lyrics were so bitter and in her situation, so brutally true.

_I love him  
But when the night is over  
He is gone, the river's just a river  
Without him the world around me changes  
The trees are bare and everywhere  
The streets are full of strangers_

As she fully immersed herself into the emotion, Rachel became almost unaware of her surroundings.

_I love him  
But every day I'm learning  
All my life I've only been pretending  
Without me his world will go on turning  
A world that's full of happiness  
That I have never known!_

Brimming tears now blurred Rachel's brown-eyed gaze. Quietly, she continued to shakily play the piece and slowly, she began to regain her poise.

_I love him  
I love him  
I love him  
But only on my own._

Trembling, Rachel placed her shaky hands back onto her lap as a single tear trickled down her cheek. Slowly she turned from the bench and stood, absorbed in her own thoughts.

"That was phenomenal."

_Oh. No. _

* * *

Jesse stood watching Rachel in awe as she gave the most spectacular performance he had ever seen her do. As he walked into the auditorium, she was sitting at the piano on stage singing Eponine's solo from _Les Mes _and doing it complete justice. It truly was incredible and although he was far away from her, he could completely feel her emotional intensity. He had no idea Rachel was capable of such a feat. Rapt, he sat himself down in a seat by the theater's exit, his eyes unwavering as he processed.

On My Own. Eponine's tragic ballad about her unrequited love for Marius.

_Oh God._

Was she singing… about him?

Closing his eyes, Jesse massaged his temples. Why did it have to hurt so badly? Why did everything have to be so fucking complicated? All he wanted to do was run up there and comfort her, tell her that she wasn't alone, that he was there. That he still loved her…

Did he love her?

Did she still love him?

Did they ever really love each other?

Once upon a time, in their façade of a relationship, they always told each other that they were madly in love. Maybe it was foolish but it had always made everything… special. But can you truly love a lie? Because that was what everything was. A lie. Swallowing, Jesse looked up at Rachel as she sung her heart out. She was amazing.

And then it hit him.

What if she **wasn't** singing about him?

What if she was singing about Finn? That possibility hurt even more.

But what if she wasn't even singing about anybody and was just a fucking amazing actor? Grimly, Jesse adjusted in his seat. Rachel had always been good at getting into character.

_I love him_

As Rachel sung those words, Jesse slowly looked up, brought back to the present. Oh God, it hurt to hear her say that again.

_I love him_

Jesse stood and began to walk down the auditorium stairs, wincing as she sung those three little words again.

_I love him_

Slowly, he approached the edge of the stage, captivated by Rachel's voice.

_But only on my own._

Oh how he wanted to run up onto the stage and tell her that she wasn't on her own.

But he couldn't.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Jesse put on his show face and hopped up onto the stage, "That was phenomenal."

* * *

"Jesse?" Rachel's voice wavered, as their eyes met. "What are you doing here?"

Jesse took a hesitant step forward, "I came to talk with you."

Rachel ran a hand up her arm nervously and stepped out from behind the piano. The distance between the two was extensive and made the situation ever more awkward and uncomfortable.

Quickly, Rachel turned, now facing the piano, as she grabbed her sheet music. "Can it wait, Jesse? I – I was just about to leave –"

"Rachel," he spoke again, quieter this time, as he continued to close the distance between them. "It's only 3."

She blinked.

_Oh yeah. _

Jesse used to be a part of her weekly, one hour rehearsals.

"Well, I'm already really familiar with this piece," Rachel spoke quickly, avoiding his gaze.

When she looked up again, he was even closer. Damn him. Rachel wasn't sure that she could handle him being close to her. What was he trying to do anyways? Apologize?

Rachel turned her back to him, her heart pounding as questions racked her mind. What was she thinking anyways? That when she sung that song that she would somehow be miraculously over him? Rachel knew now that she really couldn't ever get over him. She was carrying his **child** after all.

* * *

Damn it, why did she have to look so hurt?

All it did was make it harder for him. Harder because he knew what he had to tell might break her yet again. But Jesse was ready. Ever since he lied about why he was leaving her, he had been preparing for the truth, the day when he must admit that he manipulated her. Because whether he liked it or not, Jesse knew that day would come. The day when he must apologize and beg for the forgiveness that he knew he would never receive. The day that was now.

He was close to her now. Perhaps only a few feet away and their proximity made his heart race. Why had she turned her back to him? Was it that hard to face him?

Slowly, tentatively, he took another step forward and placed a timid hand onto her shoulder.

* * *

_Oh God!_

There he was. Right behind her. His hand on her shoulder. Rachel's heart skipped a beat. Why did he have to do this to her?

* * *

At first touch, Rachel was motionless but it only took a moment before she visibly flinched and shrugged his hand off. Why did she keep pushing him away?

Oh yeah. He broke her heart.

And now he was about to break her even more.

She shouldn't just be gently pushing him away, she should be screaming at him. Hitting him. Telling him to fuck off and to go to hell.

Why did everything have to be so damn screwed up?

"Rachel," Jesse choked out, as he closed his eyes, "I –"

But before he could say another word, Rachel had interrupted him.

"Jesse, I'm pregnant."

* * *

Trembling, Rachel turned around hungrily to meet his vacant, incomprehensive gaze.

Why was he staring at her like that?

_Oh yeah. I just told him that I was pregnant._

Rachel's heart was pounding. Her palms were sweaty. Cold terror washed over her, making her numb to anything but the fear.

_Oh God, oh God, oh God. I just told him I'm pregnant._

Why wasn't he saying anything?

Did he even care? Had Finn been right all along? That Jesse didn't give a fuck, never did and never would? Questions raced through Rachel's head but there was only one that truly stood out among the rest.

**Why was he staring at her like that? **

Dizzily, Rachel blinked taking a deep, shaky breath. She wanted anything but to continue to be plagued by Jesse's burning stare. This was worse than she had ever imagined it. Every moment he remained silent seemed to add another wound, another crack, to her already broken heart.

"Jesse," Rachel whispered, her voice quivering, "say something."

For a moment, he remained frozen before he choked out, "I –"

"No, don't," Rachel murmured, avoiding his gaze as hot tears warmed her eyes, "**don't** say anything. You don't have to. I – I just thought you should know."

Blinking furiously, Rachel paused.

"Three months," she croaked out, her lip trembling, "I'm three months along. I went in for an ultrasound on Saturday."

Tense silence settled between the two and as she met his gaze, she almost broke down sobbing.

"Rachel –"

"Don't!" Rachel yelled, stepping away from him before muttering, "Don't say it. I under – I understand if you … don't want to be a part of the baby's life. You… you don't have to. It's alright."

And without another word, Rachel turned and fled the stage, tears streaming down her face.

* * *

**So… did you like it? I hope you did. Let me know with a review :) I love your opinions, your criticism and your complements! So about the ultrasound scene. I'd love feedback if you are a mother. I've never been pregnant so I tried incredibly hard to put myself in the situation and write down what I thought I would feel in that situation. Let me know how I did. Next, I don't have much to say about the Rachel/Jesse scene. I kinda loved writing it. I just hoped you liked it and understood the switching back and forth. I know I write 3****rd**** person but I write a kind of singular 3****rd**** person, if that makes sense. I only focus on one character at a time. Haha. That's why I had to switch back and forth. I wanted to give you both of their perspectives and how both were feeling. **

**Next chapter starts off right where this ends but this time it's Jesse's perspective and how he actually took the news. And then… he does a little remembering. Yes, that's right. You get to read about the break-up. And it's pretty messy.**

**I hope you liked this chapter and its length! Haha :) Please review! **

**-SpringSinger**

**Oh and by the way, before I forget, Sophie is going to reappear. Maybe not soon but she's going to be a pretty big character. There's going to be a lot more expansion in her area. That's all I'll say! **


	9. Chapter 9: My Sweetest Downfall

****DISCLAIMER: I didn't create Glee. *Sigh* I did, however, create this story and Sophie and Dr. Cogiel. Just none of the main characters or the setting or … anything really. Haha. Get it? Got it? Great.**

**So. This chapter is a bit of heart-breaker (sorry!) because it is all about the actual break-up and what was said back and forth. The feelings. The pain. It's a bit angst-y. Very sad if you love St. Berry.**

**Just a little note, if you would like to see something from this story, review and let me know what. I always listen to your guys' suggestions and wishes. By the way, I might start posting earlier now and then. Since it's my summer vacation now, I actually do have more time so sometimes I might update a few days earlier. I'm going to keep the rule about updating once a week though, just in case I suddenly get really busy or something. Like this week.**

**Lastly, I listened to "Laughing With" by Regina Spektor, "Breakeven" by the Script and "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie when writing this chapter. You should listen to those three songs if you really want to get into the emotion.**

**Again, this chapter starts off right where Chapter 8 ended but from Jesse's point of view.**

**Please enjoy and review! **

**-SpringSinger**

**

* * *

**

Jesse couldn't move, couldn't take a step.

His heart, his mind, his soul, everything was frozen, stuck in an emotional vortex that completely blocked all thought and emotion. It was terrifying, but yet, he couldn't feel a thing. It was as if he was stuck in his own mind, unable to move his limbs or utter a single, solitary word. He was shocked, completely overwhelmed.

It was as if even though their lie of a relationship was an impediment almost too hard to overcome, the "good" Lord had decided that it wasn't enough.

_Cause when there's no one left to point the finger at, you can always blame God. _Jesse thought bitterly to himself. That was something he had learned from his father.

And yet, Jesse **knew**. Knew that he had possibly inflicted all of this suffering upon himself through his selfish actions. It wasn't God's fault and it never had been. It was his. Completely and utterly.

_You just had to go and fuck up things even more, Jesse. _He reflected bleakly.

He didn't even know about the pregnancy and yet, because he had caused it, possibly pressured Rachel too much, Jesse saw it as his own fault. Everything he had done had been for personal gain and it was that fact that had been eating him up slowly. But what could he do? Everyone made mistakes. It seemed like life just couldn't give Jesse a chance to learn from his before he made some more.

Desperately, Jesse closed his eyes in hopes to slow down time, to block out the universe, to make everything just STOP. And for a moment, it seemed as if everything did.

Until a nagging thought popped into his head.

How long had Rachel known before she had told him? How long had she been suffering, burdened by this secret? All those questions did was bring him more anguish, more guilt. Everything was a mess. A wreck. How did everything get so fucking screwed up?

Rachel was **pregnant**.

Oh, God, everything was just so cold. Unmoving. Numb. Hopeless.

Jesse couldn't fathom what had him in such a panic. Was it the fact that Rachel was with child or the fact that his life, his whole perspective, his future had utterly changed … again?

Conflicted, he ran a hand through his disheveled hair. Jesse had no idea what to do, where to start untangling his life and the web of lies he had created. It scared him.

As he stared blankly at Rachel, he momentarily winced as blatant fear flashed in her eyes. She was so terrified of him. So afraid. And rightly so.

He was a monster.

It was at that moment that Jesse began to reflect on his "selfless" decision of giving Rachel up. He had always told himself that this endeavor was made in the idea that it might spare her later pain. And it had always been the plan to tell her right there and then what he had done. How he had manipulated her to keep Shelby from revoking his scholarship to UCLA. But it had been his damned cowardice that had caused him to run away from the truth. Jesse would never forget the devastation on Rachel's face when he had said that he was breaking up with her. The confusion. He wasn't sure he had ever seen somebody's emotions displayed so patently. And the root of his following actions had come from being witness to that pain. He just hadn't wanted her to hate him even though he knew that when he finally told her the truth, she most likely would. But had it done any good at all, his further concealing of the truth? Now, it seemed as if things were just even more convoluted than ever.

Engulfed by despair, Jesse watched Rachel's figure retreating into the shadows of the curtains, silently screaming at himself to run after her. But what could he do? Tell her that everything was alright? That he would love her forever and forever? Now he knew all too well that he had screwed things up too much to repair.

And yet, he had to try.

* * *

**THREE MONTHS EARLIER **

Everything had been dark and quiet at around 1:00 AM on that early Sunday morning in late February. Outside, trees murmured anxiously, shifting as a slight, cool breeze blew through them and the night sky, laced with stars, had suddenly become foreboding and disquieted.

But inside Rachel Berry's room, everything was quite the opposite. The moon, then a waxing crescent, dimly lit the room while the artificial light from the small TV screen did the rest. While her room was rather warm, the arms of a certain tenor heated Rachel ever more and made her at ease. The atmosphere was comfortable, loving.

Smiling softly at their intimacy, Jesse fondly glanced at Rachel, watching as she silently mouthed the dialogue of _West Side Story_, the semi-modern adaption of Shakespeare's renowned _Romeo and Juliet_. It was a favorite of theirs, Jesse's and Rachel's, as it reminded both of their own love, once forbidden.

Shifting slightly, Jesse grimly began to reflect on the tragedy and heartbreak inflicted on both couples. Maria and Tony. Romeo and Juliet.

He frowned, his eyes still resting on Rachel. All he could think of was what he knew he had to do, what he was dreading doing. Protectively, Jesse tightened his hold on Rachel's shoulders, lightly kissing the top of her head as the appealing scent of her lavender scented shampoo wafted into his nose. He knew how distraught she would be after she had learned the truth. He knew that she would probably yell and scream at him. He knew that the guilt might kill him.

"Jesse?" Rachel's quiet voice interrupted his worried thoughts.

Blinking, Jesse stared at her, for a moment still and reflective. She was beautiful.

_And too fucking good for me._

Smiling weakly, Jesse leaned in slowly and kissed Rachel lightly, lingering on her sweet lips. Slowly he sat back onto the cushions and turned his face towards the movie, almost missing Rachel's apprehensive gaze.

Tensely, Jesse stiffened and his heart began pounding, beating against his chest as if trying to escape, trying to claw its way out. Paranoia was getting to him. Did she know? Did she already hate him?

"Rachel, we can't do this anymore," the words slipped before Jesse could stop them.

"What do you mean?" Rachel furrowed her eyebrows, searching his face with her eyes. "Saturday movie nights? Why not?"

"No, Rach," Jesse spoke, running a hand through his hair as he quickly stood and turned from her, "I mean… us. We – I … can't do us."

_How eloquent. _

* * *

"I mean… us. We – I … can't do us."

Rachel blinked. Rapidly. Trying to wake up from the nightmare she was having. That night – everything had been perfect. No. No. NO. Jesse couldn't. No, he simply **couldn't** be breaking up with her.

And yet … he was.

All of a sudden, Rachel was experiencing a thousand emotions. Fear. Pain. Devastation. Anger. Ache. Longing. **Why was this happening? **Rachel didn't want to say goodbye so why, oh why, oh **WHY** did Jesse? Silently she sat, fighting urge to scream and break down into painful sobs at the same time. Quietly she stared off into the distance, falling to pieces as she wondered where she went wrong.

Choked up, Rachel turned coldly away from him and his burning stare. She just couldn't fucking look at him anymore.

Loathing and loving him, Rachel took a shaky breath, blinking furiously as she felt her eyes prickle with hot tears. What was she supposed to do? What **could** she do? Feelings don't just fade, they don't just disappear. Jesse had given her hope and love, he had urged her to follow her dreams. And, oblivious to him, one of Rachel's dreams had been… well, him, Jesse. But now, that dream had been shattered, destroyed.

She already missed him and he hadn't even left yet. He was already so far away, even though he was standing right there. So close. Yet so far away. Rachel felt a weak, bitter smile play against her lips.

The pain, oh the agonizing pain, Rachel could feel it tearing her apart. Searching, Rachel tentatively turned her grief-stricken gaze towards Jesse and instantly regretted the move. His eyes were blank, glazed over. It hurt her even more. A sob tore from Rachel's throat and she began to shake. She felt like she was losing him, she felt like he was dying right there in front of him. Like he was Tony and she was Maria, watching him die. Like he was Romeo and she was Juliet, realizing her lover had committed suicide. As her soul silently screamed for Jesse, tears trickled down her face, a testimony of her heartbreak. She was missing and hating and needing and loving Jesse all at once and it hurt. Emptiness. It hurt so much.

And then, it hit her.

"Jesse," she whispered, her voice cracking as she hid her face behind her hands, "you said you wouldn't."

A painful silence echoed throughout Rachel's room.

"You promised," She muttered, closing her eyes tightly, "you said you wouldn't. You said you – you would never break my heart."

Her heart was throbbing and her breathing slightly erratic. Trembling, Rachel sat back onto the light-pink toned couch, struggling inwardly with a battle of emotions, the chains of love. She was losing him so fast. The agony of a newly broken heart, the scarring, it was destructive.

* * *

_Oh, God._

She was so tiny. So fragile.

So broken.

Dark locks were stuck to her tearstained face and swollen eyes. Her chest shook as she repeatedly stifled the painful, heartbroken sobs. She looked like a tragic heroine.

As Jesse watched her with burning eyes, he was tormented by Rachel's devastation.

He had promised. Knowing that he would break her heart anyways, he had promised.

Jesse watched, agonized, as Rachel trembled in pain and confusion. He wanted to comfort her, to hold her in his arms and tell her that it was alright and that everything would be okay.

_What have I done? _The thought haunted him.

Jesse uncertainly reached towards her and brushed a hand across her shoulder. Tortured, Jesse watched as she desperately stifled a sob and frantically pushed his hand away.

She was afraid of him.

"Don't touch me," her voice was tiny and quiet.

_Forbidden love never really fucking works out, does it?_

_

* * *

_

Rachel turned her tear-stained face towards Jesse, watching as he tensed and took a step away from her. Pain flashed across his stiffened expression. Angrily, Rachel clenched her hands into fists. What did he have to cry about? Bastard.

He had told her that he would never hurt her. Never break her.

He lied.

And she had foolishly trusted him. She had been so gullible, so naïve.

Shaking her head, Rachel wiped her tears away with the sleeve of her long, pink cardigan. Unanswered questions flooded into her mind.

What was Jesse doing? Was he giving up? What happened? Was there someone else? Had he been manipulating her all along?

Each question was like another blow to Rachel's already bleeding heart.

* * *

Jesse wanted to give her a reason, some sort of logical explanation.

Could she handle the truth?

Could he handle seeing her in even more pain?

No. No he couldn't.

But what else could he say? It's not you, it's me?

_How unoriginal._

Turning towards her, he finally choked out her name, "Rachel."

* * *

"Rachel." His voice was hollow, his eyes downcast.

Familiar silence filled the room.

"What?" She whispered back, after the brief pause.

Glancing upwards, Rachel met Jesse's blue-gray eyes and slightly tilted her head. He seemed confused, as if he hadn't expected her to reply.

"What is it, Jesse?" Rachel spoke again with more force.

He blinked and turned from her. "I –"

"Just say it," Rachel hissed, "it's not like you could hurt me more."

Jesse flinched. "I'm sorry, Rachel," his voice was cold, flat.

Rachel turned to him rigidly, standing as she whispered threateningly, "**You're** sorry? For what, exactly? Leaving? Breaking my heart? Cheating on me? What is it, Jesse? Cause I certainly don't know what the hell happened. You haven't told me."

"Rachel –"

"You know what?" She spoke heatedly, "Don't tell me. Don't say anything. I don't want to hear it What's the fucking point anyways?"

"Rach –" Timidly, he reached towards her.

"No, Jesse!" Rachel screamed, desperately pushing his gentle hands away.

His touch. His pity. She couldn't handle it.

They had been so close. So intimate. It was as if letting him touch her again was some sort of surrender. Some sort of giving in and giving up.

"Just leave," Rachel whispered, collapsing back down onto the sofa.

He didn't move.

"Leave, Jesse," her voice was fraught with desperation. "Please."

Slowly, Jesse brought his eyes upwards, meeting hers. He was unreadable, his expression completely and utterly incomprehensible. Was it hate reflected in his eyes? Sorrow? Hurt? Would she ever know?

Silently Rachel watched as Jesse walked away from her. Tears stained her face and her eyes were swollen, yet, she was no longer crying. Her peace, her calm, it was haunting. It was almost as if she couldn't feel anything, it was as if her anger had rendered her numb to the pain she had been previously suffering from.

Gently, Rachel lifted a hand to her shattered heart and whispered as Jesse shut the door on her, on them, "Goodbye."

* * *

**Hope that you liked this chapter! Sorry for all that angst. I promise that this is as bad as it gets. **

**So let me know what you think. If you cried, if you laughed, if you were bored to death or if you loved it, I want to know! **

**If you're confused, Jesse is not in despair because Rachel is pregnant. He's just incredibly overwhelmed and guilty. He feels responsible for everything and miserable because he feels like he has screwed up both of their lives. **

** Oh and before you blow up at me, I am Christian. I don't believe you should blame God for your problems. Jesse isn't religious though (or at least he isn't in this story). Later, I will expand on the relationship between him and his parents. It's actually a semi-important aspect of this story. **

** Thanks for reading again! Chapter 10 will be up sometime in the course of this next week.**

**-SpringSinger**


	10. Chapter 10: Running Away

****DISCLAIMER: You can refer to the last 9 chapters for 9 different disclaimers. I'm getting tired of this. I'm not even anywhere close to being half-way finished with this story and I've already started running out of ideas for disclaiming. This is very bad. **

**Ok, I know I got this out pretty early so I hope you're all happy. I just found it pretty easy to write and I had a lot more time than I had expected. Also, I felt bad for making you guys all really sad with the content of the previous chapter. I know you won't complain, haha! :)**

**I'm sorry for making you all sad with that break-up flashback last chapter. It was necessary :\ Sorry! But I've decided to give you guys a little treat to make up for all that angst and I have a feeling you'll like it.**

**ENJOY! ENJOY! ENJOY! **

**-SpringSinger**

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The note that had been slipped into Rachel Berry's locker was hastily scrawled onto a slightly crumpled and folded sheet of notebook paper and printed using an obviously dull pencil. Although few words had been penned, everything that needed to be said had been said. Simple and effective. Direct. It was exactly something Rachel would have expected from Jesse.

After all, it was just his style.

_R,_

_We need to talk. Stay after Glee and we'll discuss everything._

_J_

Rachel sighed with relief and re-folded the note before slipping it into her skirt pocket.

It had been a whole week since the confrontation. An entire week of uncomfortable glances, feigned ignorance and just plain, over-all awkwardness. And in that time span, Rachel and Jesse hadn't said more than a word to each other. In fact, nothing but glances seemed to have passed between the two.

And honestly, it had been hard on the both of them.

On one hand, Rachel had been fretting over what Jesse must think of her, what he must think of Baby. Would he reject her? Reject their child? These thoughts and questions had haunted Rachel even more than usual for the past seven days and nights. She couldn't stop wondering why he hadn't said a word. This was his **child**, his **baby** too. Why didn't he seem to care? Wasn't the life growing within her just as much his responsibility as it was hers? Rachel needed answers. Maybe even needed him. And that frightened her even more than his rejection. She shouldn't have to depend on him after what he had done to her. Yet, it seemed as if she was. Rachel was ready to get over him, to stop depending on him, to stop caring.

But she couldn't.

Then, there was Jesse, a boy on the edge of manhood now burdened with the care of an unborn child. His thoughts and mixed emotions hadn't been easy on him either and their shared silence troubled him almost more than it did Rachel. Her evasion had been disturbing. Her growing quiet. This new personality… it was unlike Rachel. It defied everything that she was. It was as if nothing was important to her anymore. Even Glee didn't seem to be significant. And it made Jesse wonder why he hadn't noticed before. Maybe it was because he had been avoiding instead of searching. But now, he wanted to speak out, to say something, anything, to her. And he knew that Rachel was simply waiting for him to make the first move and initiate the inevitable...

But he couldn't.

And yet, he knew that he had to find a way through the weakness. A reason. And finally, he did.

The baby.

His baby.

**Their** baby.

* * *

Jesse was ready.

"Rachel." Her name. It had been the first word that he had spoken to her all week.

Quietly, she returned the reminder with a slightly appreciative gaze and nodded, confirming that she had received his message. Subsequently Rachel turned, taking her time as she packed up her belongings, making sure that every fellow Glee clubber besides Jesse had departed for lunch before she closed the flap of her bag and swung it over her shoulder.

And then, she turned and faced him.

Thousands of questions and worries flooded into her mind.

No. Rachel had no idea what would be the outcome of today's discussion. And yes. Rachel knew that at some time she was going to have to face the facts. Jesse might not want anything to do with Baby. Or, on the other hand, he might actually want to be involved. Rachel didn't know. It wasn't like she actually knew who he was anymore.

Fidgeting, she smoothed her skirt out, unsure of what to do, what to say. Suddenly it had occurred to her that she hadn't really thought any of this through. Of course they would have to talk everything out at some point. Why hadn't she thought of that? It just seemed as if Rachel had just tried to keep her mind off of that fact for the past week.

Would flat out asking if he was okay be alright? Did his apparent silence mean that he was angry with her? Should she beat around the bush to figure out what he was feeling? Rachel followed him with her eyes cautiously as he shifted his weight. He seemed just as uncomfortable as she was. Rachel bit her lip, deciding to keep her quiet and wait for him to speak first. He **was** the one who had initiated all of this. Let him be the first to break the ice.

"Are –," Rachel glanced at him triumphantly as he spoke, "are you okay?"

His voice was timid and he seemed incredibly tense.

"Yeah. I guess so," she replied after a slight pause, sighing.

"That's good to hear," Jesse responded softly, wracking a hand through his hair nervously.

Rachel smiled weakly and shifted her weight as an uneasy quiet settled between the two. Despite the fact that they were once again standing in silence, Rachel noticed Jesse relax and taking after his lead, loosened up.

Maybe talking it out wouldn't be as hard as she had thought.

"So," his voice was quiet, his eyes curious, "is it a boy or a girl?"

Rachel smiled genuinely and glanced down at her swelling stomach, "You can't tell until about 18 weeks. I'm only on my 13th. I wanted to know right away too."

Jesse chuckled and took a step forward, teasing gently, "That sounds like you. Always the impatient one, huh, Rachel?"

She narrowed her eyes, "Hey. I just want to be prepared. I'd rather not call Baby an 'it' for the next six months."

"Baby?" Jesse smiled gently, "What a creative nickname."

Rachel blushed, her nickname for their child had been a rather private thing. It wasn't something she liked to share. Not that she had had anyone to share it with anyways…

"Rachel." She glanced up at the certain gravity reflected in Jesse's tones, meeting his severe gaze, "I want to help you. I – I want to be there."

Rachel tensed, unsure if what she was hearing was actually what was coming out of his mouth. It just seemed too good to be true.

"For the baby?" She whispered, holding his gaze.

_And you_. The words lingered painfully at the edge of Jesse's tongue. Two words. Six letters. Saying them would be a sort of confession that no good could come from.

"Yeah," Jesse replied, just as quietly, "For the baby."

Rachel swallowed. "Why?"

_Why? Did she just ask why? _Jesse's eyebrows furrowed.

"It's as much my baby as it is yours, Rachel," he gently reminded her.

Blinking, Rachel stared at him in wonder.

Jesse frowned. Had she really expected him to desert her?

Her eyes told everything.

Yeah. She did.

Jesse winced and looking away realizing that her obvious lack of faith and distrust in him had caused her to believe such a possibility. It didn't make him feel any better.

"So now what?"

He glanced up at the sound of her voice. "I guess we start figuring things out. Like how we'll break it to people and –"

"Finn and Mr. Schue already know," Rachel interrupted him quickly.

_Finn? _Jesse narrowed his eyes in distaste.

"How come Finn knows?" The words were full of resentment, "No. Wait. How does **Mr. Schue** know?"

She shrugged sheepishly. "He suspected it."

"And Finn?"

Rachel looked away, squirming uneasily, "I… thought he was you."

An uncomfortable hush settled between the two.

"What about your dads?" Jesse inquired.

Ashamed, she shrugged, "I haven't said anything to them yet."

"You know," he sighed, frustrated, "the baby's not going to disappear."

Rachel went rigid.

"Excuse me?" She spoke slowly, her tone full of ice.

"Rachel," his voice was serious now, determined, "you're **showing** and it's pretty obvious. I can't believe that I didn't notice sooner. You can't just keep expecting that you'll be able to hide the pregnancy forever. Somebody will notice sooner or later and then," Jesse snapped his fingers, "just like that, the secret will be out whether you like it or not. So I suggest you tell your dads before somebody else does. I can help you out, Rachel. You just need to do something. You can't just keep pretending like the problem is going to go away."

"I've never pretended that my problems will go away," Rachel snapped back, taking a step forward as her volume rose, "and anyways, **Baby isn't a problem**. Maybe it's a problem for you, but I actually care for my child."

"Your child?" Jesse's eyes widened, "I didn't mean –"

"Yeah, you did." Angrily, Rachel turned away from him, dropping her book bag onto the ground as she took a deep, steadying breath. She wasn't going to blow up, no matter how stupid and ignorant and irritating Jesse was.

"Rachel," his voice was firm, "be reasonable."

_Fuck it._

Whipping around, Rachel scowled at him and folded her arms, "Reasonable about what?"

"This whole situation!"

"What do you mean?" She asked angrily.

"You're not taking any action, Rachel!" Jesse yelled, "Yeah, you've accepted the pregnancy but you've barely done anything about it. It took you **three months** to alert me that I was going to have a child and you still haven't even told your fathers that they're going to be grandparents. If you're going to have this baby, you're going to have to grow up and face your problems."

"You're one to talk!" Rachel retorted, "Last I remember, you were the one running away."

"What?"

"Our relationship," she spat out the word as if it were poisonous, "remember it? Yeah. Well you never tried solving or working out that problem, whatever the hell it was. **You ran away.**"

Rendered momentarily speechless, Jesse shifted uncomfortably but continued to hold her piercing gaze.

"And you know what," Rachel continued, stepping towards him once again, "I've been dealing with a lot lately so maybe you could give me a break. You're not the pregnant one. You don't have to tell your parents that you're pregnant or see their disappointment. You won't have to face the looks and the stares. The discrimination. The possibility that your parents will kick you out. You **could** run away from all of this. Pretend that it isn't yours." Rachel paused reflectively. "I can't! And even if I had the choice… you know I don't think I would."

For a moment, they held each other's gaze, both still, neither blinking, before Jesse reluctantly backed down and sighed.

"I'm sorry." He breathed, looking away from her. "You're right. I'm… I'm sorry."

Rachel threw him an annoyed look as she considered her retort but was suddenly surprised out of her frustration as she noticed the genuine guilt reflecting in Jesse's eyes. The sincerity. It seemed to reach a lot deeper than it should.

Speechless, Rachel blinked. She wanted to believe him. But hadn't she trusted him before, and hadn't he left her? Broke her heart? It wasn't as if she was over what he had done to her yet. She was still upset. Cautiously, Rachel shifted and bit her lip. Was he willing to make an effort? Maybe, if he was, things might work out. Maybe.

"You know, Jesse," Rachel spoke softly, "you're too hard on yourself sometimes. You were just trying to help. I get it."

Jesse glanced up quickly, surprised. And for a moment, he stared at her before flashing an appreciative smile. It took awhile before Rachel returned the gesture and grinned at him. It felt natural. Good. It was just Jesse. What had she been afraid of anyways? Then, without thinking, Rachel took a step forward and tentatively grabbed his hand, giving it a little squeeze. They were in this together. Nervously, Rachel bit her lip, not daring to meet Jesse's eyes. He wasn't tearing his hand away from hers so that had to be a good sign, right?

Quietly, Rachel mustered up all of the courage she had and glanced up towards him.

He was just staring at her. Still. Tense.

"What?" Rachel breathed, searching his blue-gray eyes for an answer.

And suddenly, from out of nowhere, she was frozen, caught in his intense stare.

Rachel blinked, unexpectedly dizzy. His face was mere inches away from her. They were a lot closer than she had thought. And yet, it wasn't in the least bit uncomfortable. This was dream, wasn't it? It had to be. How could she be so inviting? So forgiving? How could she so easily let him back into her life? Jesse hurt her. Broke her. Not even the spontaneous and unpredictable Rachel Berry could forget the damage that he had caused.

Ok, it **had **to be a dream now. If it wasn't, then why was she tilting her own face up towards his? This was wrong. Wrong. Wrong. **Wrong**.

Wasn't it?

His face was so close now that she could feel his breath tickling her lips. The familiarity was haunting. Then, slowly and hesitantly, Rachel stood onto her tip-toes, knowing that she would regret this action later, and brushed her lips against his. The electricity of their touch sent chills throughout her entire body. As Jesse threaded his arms around her waist, kissing her, shivers flew down her spine and adrenaline coursed through her veins. Never had anything felt so wrong and yet so right at the same time. It was oddly natural, the sensation of their lips and bodies pressed against each other, and yet, at the same time, incredibly twisted. And although passionate and loving, there was a mix of desperation and sorrow muddled into the emotions of the bittersweet embrace. Gently, Jesse wrapped Rachel's arms around his neck as she pressed herself against him and deepened their sweet, languid kiss. She could feel the smile playing on his lips as she leaned into him, tightening her hold. Lightly, he removed a hand from her waist and gently cupped it to her cheek.

And then, as if snapping out of a trance, Jesse pulled away, staring at her in absolute horror. Rachel's heart was racing, beating at an almost incomparable pace. Jesse's breathing was equally heavy and his lips were slightly swollen, just like she expected that hers were.

_What have we done?_ Silently, Rachel fell back a step and brushed her fingertips across her lips.

"Rachel," Jesse turned from her and spoke heavily, his tone apologetic and full of grief. "That – that shouldn't have happened."

Looking away from him, she blinked back hot tears. Why was she upset about this? Kissing always led to something else. And Rachel's life was already complicated enough. She didn't need any guy (namely Jesse) making it harder than it already was. She should be agreeing with him. But instead, she felt like crying, entreating him for a reason. A "why". She knew she shouldn't want to kiss him again.

And yet, she did.

_Shit. _

Rachel blamed the pregnancy. Baby did it. Not her. Baby just wanted mommy and daddy to be together.

_Yeah. That's it._ Rachel thought sarcastically to herself.

Silently, she turned from Jesse and picked up her bag. Maybe it was for the best.

"Y – yeah," Rachel swallowed and nodded, her voice catching in her throat.

And then, just like that, he was gone.

* * *

**Did you enjoy that kiss? :) I know I did. Haha.**** Not that it helped anything. I guess it just made everything a lot more confusing. But just think, the more screwed up things get, the longer it will take for me to fix it all, which, thus, results in a longer story. See. Clever.**

**By the way, just so you know, perfection is far away. Not to depress you or anything, but Jesse and Rachel aren't going to get married and live happily ever after… yet. Haha. Although Jesse has done the manly thing of taking responsibility, it doesn't mean that problems and conflict won't follow.**

**Also, I've decided to start beta-ing stories. So if you have something you'd like me to critique and read over, shoot me a PM. I love doing that sort of thing.  
**

**Chapter 11 will be up sometime between now and next week. It's gonna be great but I won't give you any hint as to what it is about. Sorry!**

**Please review! I know I ask that every chapter but I really, really mean it this time. Haha :)  
**

**-SpringSinger**


	11. Chapter 11: Old Habits

****DISCLAIMER: I obviously don't own a thing. Of course…**

**So thanks for last chapter's positive response. This one is pretty much ALL Quinn Fabray. Confused? Simply read on. It sets a lot of things in motion. **

**By the way, I've given Brittany a last name since in the TV show they haven't revealed that information yet. If they ever do (like in the upcoming seasons) I will go back to these chapters and edit my surname for her out. I decided to give her the last name Janssen which is a primarily Dutch surname. By the way, she isn't really in this chapter (mostly just mentioned) but I'm still planning on making her part of the comedic relief later on. **

**So… enjoy, my readers! Don't forget to review!**

**-SpringSinger**

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Quinn Fabray hated Mondays.

Mondays. They were cruel reminders of same god awful routine she followed and began again every week. She couldn't even find the words to describe her burning hatred towards them. It was as if the beginning of the week reminded her that she was and, always would be, a Lima Loser. A Lima Loser destined on the path of repetition and an unchanging lifestyle. It wasn't a happy prospect. Mondays. They reminded Quinn of her hopeless situation. They took away all of the relief she experienced every Friday. But the worst part of them was the disturbing fact that continuously drifted around at the back of her mind. The fact that Quinn always thought she had a chance. A chance to get out of Lima, Ohio, make something of her life and be something unexpected. She was intelligent. She had amazing grades. She was the head of a very successful cheerleading squad. She always had something going for her. Always.

That was, until she got knocked up.

And it was as of today, May 10th, 2010 that Quinn was now eight months pregnant with Noah Puckerman's baby girl.

Eight months.

To Quinn, it seemed like an **eternity** since the night that it had all occurred. All of the mistakes she had made, they seemed distant. Now, her one goal, the one thing that kept her sane, was her baby's due date. Tuesday, June 15th. Yeah, it seemed far away now but every day she continued to grow more and more aware of its looming upon her. But, through it all, Quinn continued to hold onto her simple intent of focusing on the future instead of dwelling on the past. Her attempt to think about the positive and not the negative.

For one, she had the support of the entire Glee club and a new budding friendship with the Black Diva, Mercedes Jones. That meant a lot. She also even had her baby daddy there to catch her when she fell. That was a lot more than many teen mother's could ask. And although her parents had completely rejected her, things were actually OK. Finally. Everything was going ... right.

Quinn even considered herself lucky. It seemed like things were pretty awful for Rachel Berry at the moment and she was damn happy not to be stuck in that situation again.

Uh. Been there, done that.

Sure. Quinn knew that Rachel was pregnant, or at least, she was pretty sure. And no. She wasn't really all **that **nosy. Frankly, Quinn had practically chanced by the actual proof. And though there had been one main, determining factor, there were small things as well. But in the beginning, Quinn even dismissed those little signs and signals she had been noticing because… well, it was Rachel Berry for God's sake.

_Girls like that don't get pregnant. They shouldn't even have sex. _

Or at least, nobody expected them to. Honestly, who do you think would get pregnant? The unpopular freak or the blonde cheerleader?

Stereotypes. They just made everything a hell of a lot harder.

At least for Quinn people might have expected her to get knocked up, despite the fact that she was the president of the Celibacy Club. She was practically a perfect fit for stereotype of a teen mother. It was harder for Rachel. Quinn almost pitied her. Almost.

But the main question most would have must be how Quinn knew about Rachel Berry's pregnancy. Everyone knew that they had never been particularly chummy towards one another. Actually, they had always been much closer to being enemies than friends.

And yet, Quinn knew. There were many reasons and factors to this but the simple answer would be that Ms. Quinn Fabray was lucky and also simply quite good at guesswork. In fact, her speculation about Rachel was created subsequent to her being witness of various signs.

First of all, in March Quinn had actually caught Rachel throwing up something awful in the school bathroom…

"Quinn." Mr. Schue's voice was strangled and the simple oddity of it caught her attention almost immediately.

Furrowing her eyebrows, Quinn glimpsed over at him, "Yeah?"

"Can you go check on Rachel?"

"Um." The pregnant teen paused awkwardly, looking around at her fellow glee clubbers. "How am I supposed to know where she went?"

"She couldn't have gotten **that** far," Santana drawled loudly as she examined her brightly painted nails from the far edge of the room.

Narrowing her eyes, Quinn turned around and glared at her old friend.

But, for a moment, she was confused.

When had that friendship deteriorated?

Quinn could hardly remember. Was it the day that her fellow cheerleader learned she was carrying Puck's baby or was it when she had initially figured out that Quinn was pregnant?

"Santana." Mr. Schue issued a stern warning before facing the ex-Cheerio again, "I'm pretty sure that she'll be in the bathroom, Quinn."

Shrugging, the soon-to-be teen mother stood from her seat, clutching the back of it for support.

"Fine," Quinn replied, "I'll go."

Bathrooms. Of course she was the first one Mr. Schuester would think of…

_Wait. _

How would Mr. Schue know to assume that Rachel was in the bathroom? Frowning, Quinn walked out of the room, closing the door heavily behind her as she headed for the closest McKinley High girls restroom.

Something wasn't quite right.

* * *

As Quinn entered the cool, white-tiled bathroom, she was almost completely and immediately surrounded by an eerie silence. As if not trying to disturb the quiet, she gently took a step forward, trying not to make noise against the hard floor with her shoes. Softly, she moved over by the sink, unsure of what next step she should take.

What if Rachel wasn't even here?

_Ugh._ Quinn's delicate nose scrunched as she the stench of vomit wafted into her nose.

_Was RuPaul throwing up? Why would she be – ?_

And then, Quinn heard a loud, aching moan.

"Rachel?" She spoke hesitantly, practically faltering.

Silence.

Taking a timid step towards the stall doors, Quinn nervously grasped her wrist, "Rachel?"

Silence. Again.

She wasn't used to this. Comforting others or whatever the hell this was. Quinn just wasn't used to it.

"Y-yes?" The reply was weak, feeble. It was unnatural.

_Thank God she said something_.Quinn almost sighed with relief.

"It's me," the ex-Cheerio spoke timidly, approaching the door from which she heard Rachel's voice, "Quinn."

Hesitantly, she watched as Rachel's black Mary Janes shifted underneath the stall door while she stood. The clasp unlocked with a squeak.

And there she was.

She looked broken, exhausted. Her eyes were downcast.

She didn't look like Rachel Berry. Where was the confidence? The resilience?

"Why are you here?" The girl choked out. Her tone, however weak, was harsh and left Quinn rendered momentarily speechless.

Why **was **she here?

She didn't particularly care about Man Hands.

Sure. Mr. Schuester had told her to come but she could have said no. It was a free country after all.

Maybe it was just simple curiosity.

_Well. Curiosity killed the cat, didn't it?_

Quinn frowned slightly and sighed, "Well, we all just kind of assumed you were throwing up and everyone just thought since I had the most experience with that sort of thing…"

"I wasn't throwing up."

Quinn shifted uncomfortably, blinking as she glanced away from the girl. She felt as if Rachel was staring straight through her. It was like Rachel could practically the discomfort emanating from her.

"Rachel," she began quietly, "I know what vomit smells like." _Trust me._

Finally, the girl broke the stare and looked away, defeated. Rachel closed her eyes tightly for a moment, breathing a deep, yet shaky, breath. Then, she blankly faced Quinn's searching gaze again and spoke.

"I didn't want you to assume I was bulimic or something. I – I think I just honestly ate something bad," the girl flashed an unsteady smile. "Thanks for checking in though."

Quinn blinked.

Rachel was lying. Blatantly lying.

Yeah, she was really good at it, but yet, Quinn could still tell.

_What the fuck is going on?_

No. Something wasn't just quite right.

Something was really wrong.

* * *

But the fact that Quinn caught Rachel throwing up was definitely not the only factor that helped create the pregnant teen's final conjecture. Actually, in the beginning Quinn denied all the facts and signs. Again, her opinions and views were so incredibly strong that, in her mind, it was absolutely impossible for somebody like Rachel to get pregnant.

Ok, yes. Maybe Rachel's entire wardrobe **had** completely changed over the course of the past few months. Baggy shirts, tunics, dresses. Sure, it was different but maybe that's what was "in" on Broadway then or some shit like that. Quinn didn't know. But, what she did know (or what she thought she did) was that even if Rachel wasn't wearing her classic sweater, skirt and knee-high set anymore, that didn't mean a thing.

Right?

And, for a while, Quinn was satisfied in maintaining that state of mind. Truthfully, the possibility only bothered her because it simply defied all of the high school standards that Quinn had ever learned. Besides that, it honestly didn't really matter all that much to her if Rachel had been knocked up. They were practically enemies. Something that made Rachel Berry frown was something that should make Quinn Fabray smile.

But as the days passed by, there were more signs, just little, everyday oddities that she would quietly observe. It wasn't as if Quinn was intentionally trying to notice the things that she did, it just… happened.

For instance, regardless of the fact that she was a vegan, Quinn once saw (with her very own eyes) Rachel grab two soft turkey tacos during lunch. Also, Rachel had begun to have the weirdest mood fluctuations. Quinn had never noticed before, Rachel Berry was usually very good at hiding her emotions, or at least the ones that she didn't want people to know about. But now a days, it was quite a different story.

And still, despite all of the signs, Quinn's idea about the situation remained no different than before. That was, until May 10th, 2010…

* * *

Quinn's eyes flickered once again to the simple, rounded clock resting above the door.

_11:56._

The period had ended one minute ago and she could guess from the room's restless atmosphere that everyone wanted to go to lunch just as desperately as she did.

_Lunch. _Quinn slightly smiled at the prospect, her mind drifting to thoughts of food.

Before pregnancy, she never really appreciated it enough. Food, that is.

Frowning, Quinn squirmed in her seat. What was taking so long? Angrily, she narrowed her eyes at her Mr. Schuester as he prattled on and on.

Quinn stole another peek at the clock.

_Ugh._

Now it had been two minutes.

What was he trying to do anyways? Starve them all? Starve her **baby**? Because Quinn was sure that if her unborn child died of starvation that day, it'd definitely be all Mr. Schue's fault.

"Alright, you guys," Mr. Schuester smiled warily at his distracted students, "class dismissed."

Quinn shot up, incredibly relieved and as she swung her bag over her shoulder she kept care that she wouldn't topple over with the weight of her baby.

From behind, she heard Brittany sigh underneath her breath, "Finally."

Quinn smiled slightly. The dumb blonde had voiced her exact sentiments.

* * *

"No freaking way," Quinn groaned.

In her hurry to leave Quinn had forgotten her entire folder of Glee sheet music underneath her seat. Quinn paused in the middle of the busy hallway as the realization hit her and reached out a hand to prevent her friend from continuing on further.

Mercedes turned back around towards the pregnant, slight concern reflecting upon her expression, "What is it?"

"I forgot my Glee stuff," Quinn sighed angrily, "of course."

Frowning, Mercedes folded her arms, "Do I **have** to go back with you?"

"I like how you always answer the question you know I'm going to ask before I even speak." Quinn grinned, "Oh and um, yes. You do."

"Ugh." Her friend's nose wrinkled, "Fine."

And so the two friends traveled back down the hallway from where they came from, chatting continually about every silly topic that came up. As they turned the bare corner, Mercedes continued her random blather. Smiling, Quinn nodded blankly, laughing incomprehensively now and then. Her mind was somewhere else completely.

As they approached the door, Quinn's ears picked up faint, muffled tones from within the room. Quinn turned to Mercedes and motioned for her to be silent.

Settling between the two friends was a silence only broken by the soft voices from beyond.

Cautiously, Quinn drew nearer and hastily stole a peek through the door's window.

Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry.

_Weird._

Not much more than a word had passed between the two since their break-up so this was definitely a curiosity worth investigating.

At the sight of the two, Quinn quickly turned and forcefully grabbed her friend's hand, dragging her down to hide beneath the revealing window.

"Quinn?"

A finger flew to Quinn's lips, "Be quiet!"

Turning, the heavily pregnant girl pressed a gentle hand against the wall for support as she lowered an ear to the door.

Eavesdropping. It was a feat that Quinn Fabray excelled at.

But… it was only a skill that could be put to use if you could actually hear something.

The two's voices and tones were incredibly light and quiet that despite the fact that Quinn was pressing her ear tightly against the door, she could hardly hear a thing.

"Who's in there?" Mercedes mouthed obnoxiously.

Rolling her eyes, Quinn replied softly, "Jesse and Rachel."

The Black Diva nodded in comprehension, excitement of the possibility for new gossip flickering across her expression.

No. It probably wasn't a great idea to bring Mercedes along when dealing with these sort of matters as it was a well known fact that McKinley High's own, personal Beyonce kind of sucked at keeping secrets. But, it wasn't as if Quinn ever had a choice….

"What are they saying?" Mercedes' eyebrows crinkled in frustration.

The pregnant girl shrugged and pressed her ear closer against the wooden door. Eavesdropping. Or, at least trying to.

Quinn Fabray hadn't always been one to pry into other's personal matters.

In fact, she used to be a sweet little daddy's girl who would never even dare to dream of manipulation or blackmail. But Quinn also used to be innocent, though it was obvious that that was no longer the case. But as a result of her previous association with the likes of Santana Lopez and Brittany Janssen, the bitch inside her had come out. And yes, although her new relationships had begun to bring out a better side in her, every now and then her old instincts would get the better.

What could she say? Old habits die hard.

And despite her attempts not to ponder over the past, Quinn had always speculated about an alternate universe and a time in which she could have made different friends, different decisions and led a completely different life.

Would she still have gotten pregnant?

_Ugh_.

Quinn shook her head, trying to rid her mind of such useless dwellings and shifted her ear over to the crack between the door and the wall.

_Wait. Was that –?_

Noise. Voices. Words.

She could just discern a few phrases but maybe that was all she needed…

"_– _it a boy or girl?" Quinn could just barely hear anything although she was quite certain that the voice that had just spoken was definitely male.

"Hear anything?"

Quinn glanced towards Mercedes and held her gaze for a moment before replying, "No. Not yet."

Closing her eyes, Quinn began focusing harder.

"– 18 weeks. I wanted to know right away too."

Shocked, Quinn backed away from the door quickly, glancing nervously at Mercedes who was still desperately trying to hear into the private conversation.

_18 weeks? Boy or girl? _

"I can't hear a thing," Mercedes whined quietly, disrupting Quinn's thoughts.

"No shit, Sherlock," Quinn replied quietly as she shushed her friend once again.

Sighing, the pregnant girl turned and pressed her ear against the crack again.

"That sounds like you. Always the impatient one, huh, Rachel?"

"Hey. I just want to be prepared and I'd also rather not call Baby an 'it' for the next six months."

"Baby? What a creative nickname."

Quinn took a sharp intake of breath as her eyes widened.

_Baby? No fucking way…_

Harshly, Quinn crawled over to Mercedes and took a handful of her sleeve, dragging her out from underneath the door. She'd heard all that she needed to.

So. Rachel Berry was pregnant.

_Huh._

Or, at least, that seemed to be the case.

Honestly, Quinn wasn't quite sure how she felt about the situation. On one hand, she really didn't give a fuck. It was **Rachel Berry** after all. Shouldn't Quinn want to torture her for this? Well in a way, she wanted to but then, in another way, she didn't want to. It was odd. For some reason, Quinn kind of felt this sort of compulsory need to guide Rachel through the rough patches of teen pregnancy so that she wouldn't have to face all the hardships that she herself had. For some odd reason, it was as if she wanted to share the wisdom gained in the past 8 months to a girl placed in the same unfortunate situation that she had been.

But the question was… which feeling was stronger? That's what it all really came down to.

Her old habitual need to ruin people's lives or the bond that now connected the two?

Well, one thing that Quinn could be certain of was the fact that this was not an easy decision to be made.

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**I hope you liked that chapter. There's going to be a lot more of Quinn (and frankly, all of the other characters) in the near future. She's growing and changing a lot, just like Rachel is so I thought that it'd be good for this mutual experience to bring them together. **

**By the way, I want to explain a couple things about this alternate timeline. First off, at Regionals, Jesse was still with New Directions and instead of 3****rd**** they won 2****nd****. But, despite not winning 1****st****, they are going to Nationals along with Vocal Adrenaline. Nationals will be happening around 5 chapters from now. Though don't quote me on that, please. Another thing to keep in mind is that many of the same events that happened in season 1 have occurred in this story. If something is different, it will have been (or will be) stated.**

**Please review! :) Thanks for reading.**

**-SpringSinger**


	12. Chapter 12: Lean On Me

****DISCLAIMER: Gleeeeeeeeee :) It's an amazing TV show that I have NOTHING TO DO WITH.**

** Thanks for the reviews. I love you guys and suggestions are always noted. I appreciate you all so much!**

**So. This chapter is a whole bunch of Quinn/Rachel bonding, or whatever you call it. I think you'll enjoy it.**

**Hey, guess what? I am so frigging excited. Why? Well, I am almost finished outlining this story. I've gotten to chapter 31 so far. There are some pretty damn exciting things that will be happening in the future that I totally can't wait to write. You have no idea how badly I want to tell you guys about them. Oh and by the way, I said that Nationals might be in 5 chapters. Well, um, scratch that. It's more like 13 chapters from now. What can I say? Lots can happen in one month. **

**OK, Enjoy guys! I got this out a day earlier because I might have to turn in my laptop tomorrow and not get it back for a while so I wanted to make sure it got out on time.  
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**-SpringSinger**

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"Rachel, are you alright?"

Sighing quietly, the pregnant teenager lightly placed her silver fork down on the place setting and glanced upwards at the newly familiar concern plastered identically on both her parent's faces.

Shrugging, Rachel tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she forced a smile onto her face, "I'm fine. There's just been … a lot on my mind lately."

Looking downwards, Hiram Berry continued to cut his serving of vegan pasta while attempting to hide the smile now playing on his lips. "Boys?"

Rachel paused for a moment, tensely holding her father's gazes' as her thoughts flickered to Jesse.

Looking away, she replied honestly, "I guess that's a part of it."

"Boys?" Distress flooded immediately into Leroy Berry's expression.

Searchingly the man turned towards his husband, praying inwardly that boys were not a factor in what had been keeping his daughter so solemn for the past three months.

Hiram smiled back at his spouse and as if to slightly reprimand, he reached across to lightly brush Leroy's hand. "She's a teenage girl. Of course she thinks of boys now and then."

Leroy grimaced, furrowing his eyebrows at the thought of his little girl continually being subjected to the unpredictable hormones of teenage boys. Obviously, there had been boys and there would be more boys but Leroy, being the incredibly protective father that he was, still hadn't gotten accustomed to that thought. Teenage boys. The thought of his baby girl surrounded by them practically 24/7 made him want to hit something. Or someone.

Namely, Jesse St. James.

Rachel smiled gently at her father's concern. Picking up her fork, she turned back to her pasta and continued pick at the food. She wasn't hungry, or at least, not currently keen about the meal she had just been served. In fact, Rachel was craving something else entirely. Something completely out of the ordinary, especially for a vegan. Red meat. It disgusted her. Sighing, she began slowly turning the pasta around her fork as familiar silence once again settled in the room.

It was a shame, it truly was, that the once bubbly and passionate Rachel Berry seemed to no longer exist. With her seeming absence of personality, family meals had since then become painfully quiet. And, without knowing the cause of her anxiety, Rachel's parents could do nothing to help her so, they kept quiet.

Rachel desperately missed the conversations between her and her fathers. Their comfort, their reason, their guidance. She wanted to talk to them so much that it hurt. Her parents had been her best friends; they had been closer to them than anyone else in her life. Not being able to speak with them honestly was one of the worst trials she ever had to go through.

But Rachel's life had been so overcome by her unplanned pregnancy that if she ever tried speaking to her parents, she would have no idea what to say. Everything that happened to her now seemed to always have some sort of association with Baby and since she had yet to tell them about her child, nothing could be done.

Rachel felt deserted and more alone now than ever before in her life. She had Baby, yes, but it wasn't like they could talk or carry on any sort of conversation. And the solitude and heart-break was something that Rachel really needed to talk out. Left broken by Jesse, already rejected by her parents, no one to talk to… it was hard, loneliness, that is. It had always been the one thing that growing up Rachel had never expected to fear.

But now, she was more afraid of it than ever.

* * *

_Bring! Bring!_

Rachel shot upwards at the piercing sound of the doorbell, desperate to get away. "I'll get it."

Rachel's fathers nodded in agreement silently and went back to their dinner without another thought to the matter. Quietly, she tucked the wooden chair underneath the table and left the room.

It was a short distance to the front door from the dining room and it took Rachel practically no time to get there. Standing on her tip toes, she placed her hands on the door for support as she peeked through the peephole to see none other than a heavily pregnant Quinn Fabray.

Rachel frowned, stepping backwards as she wonder silently if she was dreaming. To say she was surprised would be quite the understatement. Questions flooded into her mind. Since when did Quinn ever stop by her house and visit? How did she even get a hold of her address? It's not like she'd ever been here.

But, more importantly, **why** was Quinn here?

Rachel paused for a moment as she tried to figure it out. Finally finding herself incapable of it, she slowly unlocked and then opened the door. There she was. Quinn Fabray, clad in maternity jeans, sneakers and a stretchy yellow v-neck, standing awkwardly on her front porch, completely silent.

"Why are you here?" The words had passed beyond Rachel's lips before she could stop them.

Nervously, the ex-Cheerio shifted uncomfortably under Rachel's gaze and looked away. "Um. Well, I was wondering if we could talk."

"Talk?" Rachel's eyes became suddenly wide, her attention caught.

Turning slowly, she closed the door behind her and faced the ex-Cheerio expectantly.

Quickly the heavily pregnant teen spoke, unsure of where to start, "Well. Um. Rachel, I know you're pregnant."

Rachel's mouth opened as if trying to speak, yet no words came out. She staggered, and stepped backwards into the door as cold fear ran through her. Her heart began pounding loudly against her chest. She felt as if she could barely even breath.

NO. No. No. No. No.

She wasn't ready for this, for the whole world to figure out. Rachel had wanted to do this on her own, when she was prepared but now, now that Quinn knew…Oh, God. Would her parents know by tomorrow? Would the entire school?

Rachel pressed a hand against her mouth to choke back a sob. Anger hadn't even factored in yet to the feelings crashing down upon her. Shaking, she turned and slowly sat herself down on the porch bench, not daring to meet Quinn's eyes. Swallowing her tears she leaned over her knees and smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear.

"How?" Her voice was quiet and small, her eyes downcast. "How do – how do you know?"

For a moment, there was complete silence before she felt Quinn sit down beside her on the bench. Instantly, Rachel moved farther away from her and became tense. She sat up rigidly and shakily took a breath.

Quinn began to speak, "I figured –"

"Shut up." Rachel's tone was icy and sharp, interrupting.

Quinn turned to the girl beside her, surprise evident on her face, "What?"

"Shut up." Rachel repeated her words, her eyes focused ahead on the street lights, "I – I don't care."

Quinn paused, blinking, "Why?"

As if the ex-Cheerio hadn't spoken, Rachel continued on, her volume rising and her voice cracking with desperation, "Are you here to blackmail me, Quinn? Torture me just like you said you would?"

"What?" Quinn spoke again, her voice loud. She seemed almost uncomprehending.

"You know what, I actually thought that you'd matured since your pregnancy but I guess you're still the same bitch as you were before."

"Rachel –"

"Shut up! I don't care! Go on, tell everyone. I couldn't give a fuck! You can't do anything to screw my life up even more so **GO ON! **Do it!"

The tepid atmosphere was suddenly overcome by a deathly quiet. Uncomfortably, Quinn fidgeted and glanced over at Rachel who was currently avoiding all eye contact. Sighing, the heavily pregnant teenager stood and took a step forward, placing her hands on the porch fence for support as she gazed blankly out at the road.

Gently, Quinn spoke, taken aback by Rachel's sudden outburst, "Why do you just automatically assume that I'll torture you, Rachel? You know, I'm not going to."

The girl on the bench blinked, her fury slightly subsiding. Questioningly, she glanced towards Quinn.

The ex-Cheerio didn't wait for a reply, "I get why you'd think that though. I was pretty fucking mean to you."

"Then," Rachel's voice was surprisingly weak and quiet again, "why… why are you here?"

Quinn turned, tearing her gaze away from the empty street and back towards Rachel. Sighing, she sat back down beside the broken girl and shrugged.

"Honestly, I don't really know." Quinn began softly, "But, I just think you should know that things are different now and nothing's ever going to be the same. Still, it does get better. Things aren't always this bad. So, I just wanted to let you know that if you ever…well, need to talk to somebody, let me know."

Astonished, Rachel's head shot up and her eyes met Quinn's in a flash, "What? Really?"

The ex-Cheerio smiled and turned her head away before continuingly more characteristically, "Just remember not to mention anything about this at school, Man-Hands, cause I'll deny it. I've got a reputation to uphold, you know."

Rachel rolled her eyes, muttering quietly as she tried desperately to hold back a grin, "What reputation?"

Quinn laughed out loud, her eyes glinting good-naturedly, "Touché."

Rachel smiled and reflected quietly to herself about the peculiarity of this situation. It truly was an unlikely friendship, that that was blooming between the two former enemies.

"You know," Quinn's voice suddenly became serious as it interrupted Rachel's thoughts, "once everyone figures out, you're not going to have a reputation either."

Uneasily, Rachel shifted. It was true and it bothered her more than she'd like. Reputation, that is. It was something that had always been incredibly important to Rachel. She knew it was shallow, but reputation was something that a future star needed to build. Now, it was as if all the progress that she had made would be for nothing.

Smiling bitterly, Rachel replied quietly, "Touché."

Silence once again filled the space between them as they both became lost in their own thoughts. The atmosphere was tense, the matters at hand serious. No. Such issues should never be inflicted on two so young.

And, yet, they were.

"How am I going to do it, Quinn?" Rachel's voice cracked as she spoke, leaning over her knees as she sandwiched her head between her hands. She felt sick. "How will I tell everyone? How – how will I tell my **parents**? They're going to be so… disappointed in me. I don't know how to do it."

"It's hard." Quinn smiled sadly, "I'm not going to sugarcoat it for you. But, it's just something that you have to do as fast as possible, otherwise, the secret will eat you up. When I told my mom and dad, Finn came with me. I don't think I could have done it without him. As for school… be proud, be confident and don't let anyone get an edge on you. If you show any weakness, they'll tear you apart."

As Quinn finished her speech, quiet settled around them as Rachel processed. Thoughts ran in and out of her mind. Feelings, they were confusing and there were many, although one outshone the rest. Gratitude.

"Quinn." Rachel began, unsure of where she was trying to go, "Why … why are you doing this? Helping me?"

The ex-Cheerio shrugged in reply, "I don't know. I just know what it's like. You know. I don't want you to have to go through the same thing I did. It's fucking scary. I don't think I could watch you struggle through this by yourself in good conscience."

Rachel frowned. "I'm not by myself. I have Jesse."

"He doesn't really count. No offense, but he's kind of a douche." Quinn threw the girl beside her an apologetic look.

Rachel attempted and failed at a smile. Noticing this, Quinn began to comfort her.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, Puck was –" The ex-Cheerio paused and corrected herself, "**is** a douche as well."

Relaxing, Rachel laughed, "I can agree with that one."

"He has his moments though," Quinn grinned.

"I bet he does," Rachel replied thoughtfully, "just like Jesse."

Silence once again surrounded the two. Quietly, she reflected on the similarities of their situations. Their mutual predicament. It had brought them, two people with great differences, together.

"Quinn?"

The girl turned her head to the side, "Yeah?"

"Do you –" Rachel took a deep breath, "Do you think you can come with me to my next ultrasound?"

Quinn was shocked into silence.

Nervously, Rachel continued on, her pace quickening, "It's on June 7th. I know it's kind of a long time from now so I get it if you don't know if you'll be busy then or what. It'd just be nice to have somebody come with me the next time. I'm pretty sure my dads will know by then, though I don't know if they will want to come… or if Jesse would. So if you could –"

Quinn smiled full heartedly. "I'd love to. Thanks for inviting me."

"No problem," Rachel mumbled, trying to hide her smile.

It was weird, the friendship that was beginning to grow between them and definitely unanticipated although Rachel was incredibly thankful for it. This friendship had already helped and Rachel knew it would help even more later on to have somebody there for her who knew what it was like and had felt the same way. Not only would the guidance be useful, the friendship might also help Rachel get through all of this alive, it might overcome the loneliness.

Rachel smiled quietly to herself.

She wasn't sure that she was afraid anymore.

* * *

**This chapter was kind of short! Sorry about that :( Next chapter will be sort of similar in length, I assume, maybe a bit longer. Chap. 13 is another Jesse/Rachel interaction set the next day (Tuesday, May 11****th****, haha) and it will include some angst-y elements. Don't worry though, I'll make it up to you in the chapter after that. Oh… you have no idea how excited I am to write chapter 14! Some very, very big events happen. Big, big stuff. So, stick around!**

**Thanks again, and please review!**

**-SpringSinger**


	13. Chapter 13: Someday You Will Be Loved

****DISCLAIMER: Well. You know, Glee is pretty darn cool but I don't mind TOO much that I don't own it… OK, fine. I lie. **

**I'm going to get increasingly busy in the next few weeks so chapters will pretty much be out on schedule once a week and not earlier. I think I'll be able to manage that. By the way, next week's chapter is going to be terribly exciting. I don't want to give away much but I've decided to give you a three word hint.**

**Jesse. Rachel. Parents.  
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**I think you can figure it out on your own now :) Well… hopefully. **

**This chapter is titled after the song "Someday You Will Be Loved" by Death Cab For Cutie. PLEASE go listen to it. It is an absolute perfect summary of the feelings that Jesse felt when he decided to break up with Rachel. He believed he had to let her go for her to be happy and because he didn't think that he was good enough for Rachel since he manipulated her. And since this chapter is kind of reminiscent of their break-up, I believed it would be perfect for a title.  
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**So, enjoy and reviews make me update sooner.  
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**-SpringSinger **

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Rachel woke up the next morning with a lingering sense of dread residing the pit of her stomach.

Too much had happened the day before. Too much. Things had changed. Change. She felt like she had experienced enough of that to last a life time.

**Things had changed.**

And it scared her, no matter how much she didn't like to admit it.

She was afraid. Afraid of having to face Jesse after their kiss. Afraid of messing up the new and fragile friendship that she and Quinn had constructed. Just… afraid. It was all like this huge balancing act that Rachel was dealing with. She felt like if she let her guard down for a second, she could screw it all up. Everything was just … **tiring** and Rachel was simply sick of it all. The lying. The secrets. The drama. At least when she was friendless she hadn't had to deal with all that shit…

Sighinrg, Rachel threw off her coves and sat upright. Abruptly, she was hit with a wave of exhaustion and became dizzy. Rachel blinked and leaned over her knees as she began to massage her temples, her head reeling. She had barely had a wink of sleep the night before. There had simply been too much to think about, too much on her mind. She just couldn't seem to fall asleep. It was aggravating.

_Ugh._ Rachel inwardly groaned and shut her eyes tightly.

It didn't help one bit that she was also having stomach pains.

Slowly, she began to stand, tightly gripping her bedside table for support. Rachel flipped a switch, turning on her bedroom lights as she groggily walked over to the mirror. She blinked. God, did she look exhausted. Wearily, Rachel leaned over and smoothed out the dark circles under her eyes with pinky fingers. Really? Dark circles? One night of sleep deprivation resulted in dark circles?

_Shit._

Rachel frowned, turning as she slowly walked out of her room and downstairs. As she approached the kitchen, she could hear her fathers making small talk to one another as they ate their breakfast.

"Rachel?" Leroy inquired questioningly, glancing up from the morning paper as she walked into the room.

Rachel flashed him an ill-tempered smile and slowly sat down at the island, withholding the urge to snap him a dry and sarcastic reply.

"I'm going to go back to bed," Rachel spoke flatly as she reached across the counter-top for a pancake. "I don't feel well."

Her parents stared at their daughter blankly as she casually tore off a piece of the pancake she was holding and stuffed it into her mouth.

Rachel Berry never got sick. **Never. **And her perfect health wasn't coincidental. It was a well known fact that she was practically a mini Ms. Pillsbury. Furthermore, she maintained a very strict vegan diet. Being clean and healthy was incredibly important as it kept her and her voice in an impeccable condition.

Then, without waiting for a response, Rachel smiled as brightly as she could manage and stood. Turning around, she walked briskly out of the room and back up the stairs into the safety of her bedroom, her sanctuary. As she entered her room, she quickly got back into bed, brought the covers up to her chin and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost instantaneously.

* * *

Rachel's head shot upwards as her phone began to vibrate against the wood of her bedside table.

Groaning, she laid her head back down onto her pillow and reached blindly over to grab her cell phone. As her fingers made contact, she brought it up towards her face and clicked the back button. Quickly, she tapped the unlocking button and viewed her newest text message.

_We have to talk. I'll be over in 20. Jesse._

Rachel frowned and re-read the message, wondering how he had gotten a hold of her new phone number. She had changed it after all, ever since their breakup. No way had she wanted to ever have to talk with him after that. Yeah, she knew it was a bit dramatic but that was Rachel Berry for you.

Sighing, she threw off the covers, her frown deepening as she sarcastically thanked Jesse in her head for giving her any say in the matter. What if she didn't want to see him? Honestly, she kind of did but ... what if she hadn't?

Well. That was Rachel Berry for you, always trying to be difficult.

* * *

It was practically dusk when Jesse St. James arrived at Rachel's house. In fact, daylight was already dimming as he pulled up in his black Subaru.

Slowly, Jesse leaned over and turned off the ignition. Closing his eyes, he sat back heavily into his seat, a hand still firmly wrapped around the steering wheel. Uncertainty flickered through his mind, anxiety disrupting his formerly quiet expression. Jesse sighed and glanced over at Rachel's still front porch.

Honestly, he had no idea what he was going to say to her. All Jesse knew was that they needed to talk everything out because, whether they liked it or not, they were having a baby together. A child. It scared the living daylights out of him.

Jesse racked a hand through his hair, willing his heart to stop beating so god damned fast.

Everything was just so confusing. He had absolutely no idea what he was feeling at all. Was he happy? Sad? Angry? How was he supposed to know? There was only one thing that he was truly certain about.

He was fucking scared.

And even though things were even more screwed up and convoluted than before and he couldn't seem to shake this… thrill he felt about the fact that Rachel was carrying **his** child. **His** baby. It excited him a lot more than he was willing to admit.

But was he ready? The question had haunted him since the night he had figured out that Rachel was pregnant. He was barely even on the verge of becoming an adult. Jesse was afraid that he might crack under the pressure, afraid that he would run away instead of taking responsibility for his actions like so many teenage fathers before him.

However, his greatest fear had almost nothing to do with the fact that Rachel was pregnant. It was the fear that Rachel would uncover the secret he had been keeping to her. The lie. He tried to tell himself that it didn't matter. That he would've broken her heart one way or the other. But it did, it did matter.

_Honesty is the best policy. _Jesse grimaced at the thought. That was one of the first lessons his mother had ever taught him. Honesty. If he had been honest, maybe things wouldn't be so messed up.

Jesse sighed and released his death grip on the steering wheel. He should tell her. He knew it. Right there and then. He should just go up to her house and tell her the truth. But, now, something else was blocking the truth from passing beyond his lips.

His child.

* * *

Just as Rachel was heading down the stairs, she heard a soft knock at the door.

Pausing on the last step, she took hold of the wooden banister and leaned over, glancing out of one of the vertical windows framing the front door.

Yeah. It was definitely Jesse.

Rachel's heart began pounding. Taking a shaky breath, she tightened her grip on the wooden railing before pushing herself off and onto the ground floor. Lightly, she tip-toed over to the front door. While she didn't particularly care if her parents knew that she was having somebody over, she knew that they would care very much if they knew that her visitor was Jesse St. James. If Leroy knew he was here… Rachel didn't like to think about it but she was quite certain that he'd positively beat the shit out of him, or, at least try to.

But, luckily, at the moment both of her fathers were upstairs, preoccupied with watching _The Notebook_ for the umpteenth time.

Quietly, Rachel unlocked the door.

And, there he was.

As their eyes met, Rachel's heart wrenched, her thoughts flickering back to the day before. God. What had she ever done to deserve his contempt? His rejection? It hurt more than she liked to admit.

Silently, Rachel lowered her gaze as she spoke, "You want to come in? My parents are here so we'll have to keep quiet. They don't really like you anymore."

Jesse nodded, placing his hands in the pockets of his dark jeans, "Sure."

As Rachel led him up the stairs, they were suddenly surrounded in an awkward tension, a painful silence. Neither wanted to be the one to speak first, to say what they both were thinking.

Wordlessly, Rachel opened the door into her room and gestured for Jesse to go in, a command that he followed without breaking the silence between them. Walking in behind him, Rachel quickly and quietly closed the door before sitting down onto her bed.

It only took a moment before both of their thoughts flickered back to the night that Baby had been conceived. Rachel blushed and stood, looking anywhere but Jesse.

Silence.

Jesse shifted his weight uncomfortably.

Narrowing her eyes, Rachel spoke slowly, "You said you wanted to talk, Jesse. So, talk."

Frowning, he walked over to her to the other side of her room and sat down on the window seat. "Rachel."

She glanced at him as he said her name. "Yes?"

"We –" Jesse paused, closing his eyes tightly. What he was about to say was not just going to be painful for Rachel. "We can't repeat what happened yesterday. The kiss, that is."

* * *

Rachel looked away from him instantly. She didn't want him to see her tears.

_God. _She had thought that the kiss meant something. She **knew **that she had felt something special. Something right. Their kiss… it had been perfect. Passionate. Loving. Desperate. Gentle. Rough.

Rachel smiled in the memory of it but the grin was almost immediately wiped off of her face as she remembered what had happened next.

Turning around to face him quickly, she shrugged, trying to give off the vibe that she didn't honestly care. Rachel wanted to make it seem like the kiss didn't mean a thing to her either, that she wasn't hurt by his rebuff when she, most definitely, was.

And, still, she couldn't help herself from asking the obvious.

"Why?"

* * *

Jesse stared at her, completely expressionless.

_Did she just ask me why?_ He frowned. _Shit. _

What was he supposed to tell her? The truth? Uh. Well, no way. That wasn't going to happen.

Slowly, Jesse began to speak, avoiding her searching gaze, "Well. We're not dating. Are we?"

He knew his cold words would sting her. He had meant them to. He wanted her to stop making him love her. Love her? Shit! Did he love her? He didn't know. But he knew that either way, he had to hurt her now so that she could be happy later on. And she couldn't be happy with him. No. She couldn't. He had already destroyed any chance of a healthy relationship.

"Why?" Jesse glanced up, meeting Rachel's blank face.

Jesse repeated her question, his tone in-comprehensive, "Why?"

"Yeah," Rachel folded her arms, "Why? Why aren't we dating? Why did we ever break up?"

Jesse swallowed and looked away from her as cold fear shot through him. This was the question that he dreaded to have to answer. Honestly? He didn't know what to fucking say. Jesse was stuck. Stuck between the truth and the lies. The guilt was still there, as it always was, for manipulating Rachel and then lying about it. And then there was the burning desire for her that was just as strong as ever. All he wanted to do was kiss her sweet lips once more, to tell her that he never wanted to break her heart, that he missed her. But, yet, he couldn't do that, could he? What could he do? God. He didn't know. If he **did** kiss her and they **did **get back together, Jesse knew that she would inevitably find out about his deceit. And then, where would they be? She'd hate him even more than before and she'd be even more broken and hurt. But if Jesse told her the truth right now, Rachel might forbid him from having anything to do with his child. No. Either way he might end up losing his kid. And he couldn't just desert her now in this time of need, not even if Rachel wanted him to.

And so, Jesse chose the only plausible option. He lied.

Avoiding her eyes, Jesse opened his mouth but the words could not come out. It was almost too painful. He closed his eyes for a moment and mustered up all the courage that he had.

"We broke up because," Jesse took a deep breath, looking away from Rachel as he spoke in a flat, even tone, "I don't love you."

* * *

Rachel opened her mouth slightly, her heart shattering.

_God. Hasn't he broken it enough already?_

Hot tears filled her eyes. Quietly, she turned away from him, blinking angrily.

_I'm so fucking stupid. _She silently chastised herself, furious at her own idiocy.

She had hoped.

God, why had she **hoped**?

That's why it hurt so much.

**She had hoped. **

The kiss... Oh God, that kiss had given her false hope that somehow he still had feelings for her. Yes. Rachel already knew what he had said was true before he had ever even spoken. It was just hearing it that hurt so much. The confirmation, it was painful. His putting her fear to words…

Rachel closed her eyes tightly, angry with herself.

She gave herself a moment, just a short moment before she turned back to him and spoke again.

"Is there somebody else?" Her voice was dry, her face impassive.

* * *

At her question, Jesse glanced up in shock. She thought there was somebody else?

Like hell there was.

Quietly, he shook his head. "No."

* * *

"No."

_No. _She wished that he had said yes. Because, if he had, she could have convinced herself that the other woman had manipulated or blackmailed or lied to him. Some shit like that. At least it would have helped her sleep better at night.

He probably had just been… tired of her. Or at least that was what Rachel guessed. She couldn't think of any other reason. He didn't like her. He didn't love her. She was just a temporary distraction, a fling. That was it.

Rachel clenched her teeth. _Stop torturing yourself. It won't help anything.  
_

Quietly, she sat down on the side of her bed facing him. For a quiet moment, they held each other's gaze. Neither knew what to say, what to do.

Rachel sighed. She **had** to put this matter behind her and she knew it. She **had** to get over him. If she didn't… well, let's just say that she knew things would be a hell of a lot harder for her. There were things they needed to talk about. They had to be civil because, after all, they were having a child together.

"Jesse," Rachel spoke quietly, remembering Quinn's advice, "Do you… do you think you can be with me when I tell my dads?"

Jesse looked up immediately, pausing before he replied, "Yeah. When have you decided to tell them?"

Rachel bit her lip, "I was thinking this Friday, the 14th."

"Good idea," Jesse nodded, "it'll give them the weekend to let it all sink in."

She smiled tightly, "Yeah. I think it'll take a bit longer than that. My parents are going to go absolutely mental on me."

"Nah," Jesse's tone was reassuring, "they love you too much."

Awkwardly, both teenagers shifted and looked away from each other.

_And you don't love me at all… _Rachel frowned at the thought.

"So," She spoke loudly, breaking the painful silence, "what about your dad? How do you think he will take it?"

Jesse shrugged nonchalantly, hiding his worry, "He'll be alright. If my mom was still around she might have been able to soften him up a bit but don't worry about it."

Rachel nodded, accepting his answer as, once again, awkward silence settled between the two of them.

* * *

Jesse fidgeted. He could tell that Rachel was still upset. She was hiding it quite well, but he **knew** her, he could tell.

Standing, he slowly walked over to Rachel until he was right in front of her. Rachel quietly glanced up at him, her gaze questioning as he towered above her.

"Rachel," his voice was quiet, "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes firmly for a moment, turning her head away before looking back up at him and smiling sadly. "Me too."

* * *

**Enjoyed it much? I liked writing it but I bet you didn't like reading it as much. Next chapter, I'll make it all up to you though. Ahhh, I am so excited for chapter 14! Like I haven't said that enough…haha! **

**The Jesse POV before he entered Rachel's house is due to a suggestion FromTheBrain made :) Thanks for that! That wasn't initially part of my outline for this chapter but you made me realize that it was kind of needed! So... this chapter is dedicated to you!  
**

**By the way, when Jesse says his mom isn't around it doesn't mean that she left him or his dad. Jesse's mom is dead. I'll be expanding on that later. **

** Ok. So this kind of bothers me but I'm going to stop stating that everything Rachel eats is vegan. Just assume that, OK? I don't want to have to specify every time that Rachel eats something that it's vegan. It bothers me. I don't know why. **

** Thanks for reading! Now just show me your love by reviewing :) Haha!**

** -SpringSinger**


	14. Chapter 14: A Turning Point

****DISCLAIMER: Blah. Blah. Blah. Glee isn't mine.**

**I don't have much to say or much that you need to know. I just kind of want this chapter to start. It's a pretty exciting one, if I do say so myself :) **

**OK. Now go on and start reading already! But, remember to enjoy and REVIEW, otherwise I might just have to torture you with more Finchel! *Gasp* Haha! I'm just kidding! … maybe **

**By the way, I just passed 200+ reviews. Really? I can't believe it! THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! You have no idea how much I appreciate it. **

**-SpringSinger**

**

* * *

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"I can't do it," Rachel said, backing away from the suddenly intimidating front door.

Jesse St. James threw the girl beside him a quizzical look, trying desperately to hide the smile that was currently playing on his lips. All day, Rachel had been cornering him at every opportunity to insist that she was suddenly unable to go through with their plans. It was something about her parents killing them both, blah, blah, blah. He didn't really care. Jesse just knew that venting to him was Rachel's own way to ease the feelings of anxiety and doubt that she was experiencing. He wasn't really bothered as the emotions were definitely well justified.

Sighing, Jesse turned towards her, replying sarcastically, "Really?"

Rachel rolled her eyes and frowned at him, "Don't make light of this, Jesse. They're going to take it really badly."

He shrugged. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

But truthfully, he wasn't quite as sure as he sounded.

"No!" Rachel shouted, angrily stomping her foot. "It won't!"

Jesse smiled lightly at her sudden childish outburst.

"Sorry," she muttered, looking away from him as to hide her embarrassment.

Sighing, Rachel leaned back onto the door and turned her gaze to the street as she began to watch the cars pass by.

"How am I going to do it?" Her voice was small, her blank eyes gazing off into the distance as she was consumed by thought.

"It can't be that hard," Jesse replied, leaning back beside her.

He could practically **feel** Rachel rolling her eyes. Smiling, he decided to let the comfortable silence between them last a second longer before he spoke.

"Come on," he turned around to face her, "we're not getting any younger. Let's get this done and over with as soon as possible."

Rachel gnawed on her lip for a moment before slowly nodding. "Fine."

* * *

As they entered the Berry household, Rachel grimaced at the sudden quiet. It was unnatural. Disturbing. Foreboding. It felt like something bad was just waiting to happen, everything just felt so wrong. It was like the calm before a storm.

Rachel shifted uneasily and rubbed her stomach.

_Fuck._

The butterflies that she was feeling weren't going away. In fact, they were getting increasingly stronger.

Trembling, Rachel took another step into her house and looked around. Her heart was pounding so loudly now that she was afraid that Jesse could hear it. God, she was nervous. It was as if telling her parents about the unplanned pregnancy would just make everything a bit more real than it already was. Not that that was what Rachel was most afraid of.

Her true fear was rooted in the fact that, no matter how much she hated to admit it, Rachel had no clue as to how her dads would react at the news.

Slowly, she took a deep breath, trying to ignore the fluttery feeling in her stomach. Rachel threw a fleeting look at Jesse; he seemed almost as tense as she was. Well, at least that was a bit comforting. Biting her lip, she timidly grabbed her forearm, fidgeting all the while.

God, it was quiet.

Anxiously, Rachel walked up to the stairs and inhaled slowly before calling out to her parents.

"Daddy?" Rachel shouted loudly, attempting to ignore the rapid pace that her heart was beating at, "Dad?"

For a moment, there was silence, no response. Fearfully, Rachel glanced back at Jesse but his tense expression and rigid bearing hadn't changed one bit. Turning, he took great care with closing the door gently behind them.

"Rachel?" The voice from upstairs was loud and inquiring.

Timidly, Rachel climbed onto the first step, placing a hand onto the banister railing, "It's me. Um. Can … can you two come down here? I have something important I'd like to discuss with you both."

Silence.

Rachel and Jesse exchanged fearful glances.

At the sound of their muffled footsteps, her heartbeat began to speed up.

_They know. _She inwardly gasped as possibilities and fears ran through her thoughts. _They know, they know, they know, they – no, they don't know! _Rachel felt like throwing up. This was actually happening. In a matter of minutes everything would be out in the open. The truth would have been told.

It absolutely terrified her.

Yet, the idea that the matter which had been causing her so much stress for the past three months would finally cease to exist was oddly comforting.

And then, without thinking, Rachel instinctively reached over and grabbed Jesse's hand.

* * *

Jesse stared, expressionless, at his hand entwined with Rachel's.

Smiling quietly to himself, he tightened their grip reassuringly. Surprised, the girl looked back at him, gratitude shining in her brown-eyed gaze. God. She was so afraid. How he wished that he could do more for her than a simple squeeze of the hand. How he wished to hold her in his arms, to kiss her and tell her that everything was going to be ok. How he wished…

Jesse swallowed and looked back down at their desperate clutch.

Rachel's hand was soft and white, tiny within his grasp. Pensively, Jesse looked back up at her worried expression. She looked so damn fragile. He felt like he could break her. His palms began to sweat as the nerves took over.

He felt like she could break him.

_Fuck. _He wasn't supposed to be this tense. He was supposed to be Rachel's rock right now, the one who was keeping calm throughout this. For crying out loud, he was Jesse. St. James, the perfect example of confidence and poise!

But, truthfully, he was starting to believe that he needed the comfort just as much as the girl beside him.

* * *

"Honey, is there something wrong?" Rachel's head snapped up towards the stairway as Hiram's voice drew nearer.

Anxiously, she looked back at Jesse, squeezing his hand even tighter, "Um. Sort of. Can you both come down so I can explain?"

"Sure thing, dear," Hiram's voice called out after a slight pause, "we'll be down in a second."

Painful silence once again settled in the Berry household.

"Jesse," Rachel whispered, urgently, fear reflecting in her eyes as she turned back towards him, "I can't do it, I can't! I just –"

"What is he doing here?" The sharp, questioning voice rang loudly throughout the foyer.

Startled, both Rachel and Jesse immediately glanced upwards to meet the owner of the voice.

"What is it?" Leroy Berry inquired sharply, narrowing his eyes as his gaze flicked between the two anxious teenagers while he walked down the stairs, "Did you two get back together? I absolutely won't allow it!"

Rachel frowned, replying quickly, "No, we didn't, it's just –"

"Then what is it?" Leroy asked angrily, folding his arms, "And **why** is **he** here?"

Speechless, Rachel turned back to Jesse, desperation flashing across her expression. Smiling shakily, Jesse let go of her hand and walked up to stand in front of her. Just as he was about to speak, a door opened upstairs and Hiram Berry walked down. Gently, he placed a hand on his spouse's shoulder as he settled behind Leroy, his gaze drifting towards the two apprehensive figures before of him.

"I think our daughter would be more than happy to explain if you gave her the chance." Hiram smiled slightly at his husband before turning back towards Rachel, "It can't be that bad, dear."

* * *

Rachel could barely breathe. Her heart was pounding wildly and her hands were shaking. She felt cold, lost. As each second past by, her fear mounted.

_Can't be that bad? _She frowned. _It's awful!_

Desperately, Rachel turned once again towards Jesse, begging him with her eyes to do something, anything, but all he did was simply smile weakly back at her and remain silent.

Turning around quickly, Rachel found the eyes of her fathers and opened her mouth.

But no words came out.

_Now, Rachel. _She instructed herself. _Now or never. This is inevitable. You might as well get it over with._

"I'm pregnant."

A deathly quiet enveloped them all. No one said a word. No one moved an inch.

Slowly, Rachel took a step forward as she frantically searched the faces of her parents. But nothing could be read as both remained expressionless. Hadn't they heard her? Why wasn't something happening? Why wasn't anybody saying anything? It was as if nothing seemed to have processed yet.

_God, oh god. _Rachel swallowed the tears, her heart beating uncontrollably. _Don't CRY. It won't help ANYTHING._

"I –," Rachel stumbled over her words, visibly shaking, "I'm pregnant." The words sounded like a question.

"We heard you," Hiram spoke quickly. His voice was tiny, his gaze avoiding.

Rachel nodded slowly and uneasily glanced up at her other father.

Leroy Berry's face was bright red, his chest heaving, his fists and jaw clenched. He looked about ready to explode in fury.

"Are you keeping it?" His tone was dangerous and low.

"Yes."

Jesse threw her an odd look.

Leroy's jaw clenched as he stared for a moment in silence at his daughter before turning back around towards the boy beside her.

"Jesse," he spat out the name as if it were poison.

Immediately, Jesse's head snapped up and their eyes met. Both glared at each other with such hatred that it practically made Rachel flinch.

"Get out," Leroy hissed, his voice breaking as he pointed at the door, anger flashing in his eyes, "**Now!"**

"But, sir –"

"Out," his menacing whisper was sharp and cold as a knife.

For another tense moment Jesse held the man's stare intently before facing the pregnant teenager again. Their eyes met for a second as he threw her an apologetic glance before breaking their gaze and quietly walking out.

_No! _Rachel screamed on the inside, her eyes pleading, her posture stiffened as she watched him leave. _Come back!_

She wanted to speak, to call out to him but she felt suddenly incapable of making any sort of sound. Her mouth had become dry. Shakily, Rachel closed the door gently behind Jesse and leaned back onto limbs were suddenly weak, her mind in a daze.

Slowly, Rachel brought her tortured gaze upwards to face the sudden fury and disappointment evident on the expressions of her parents. A sob ripped her throat as betraying tears threatened to fall. Fear had completely overcome her. Weakly, Rachel covered her mouth and sunk down onto the floor, burying her face in her hands. She could see nothing but their disappointment.

Finally, after a period of silence, it became too much and Rachel burst.

"Say something," she whispered, her voice catching as hot tears trickled down her cheeks.

Leroy Berry's mouth curved into a sneer as he took a slow step forward, his fists clenching so tightly that his knuckles whitened.

"What do you want us to say?" His voice was full of such disgust that it made Rachel cringe. She had never seen him this angry before. "Do you want us to tell you that it's all going to be OK? That we're happy for you? That it's going to be easy? Cause it sure as hell won't be!"

"Leroy…" Hiram's attempt at a reprimand failed. His voice, his stature, everything was just too weak, too fragile.

Ignoring his husband, Leroy continued, face turning purple as he began to pace, "Do you think you can be a mother? Do you think you can raise a **fucking child**?" His voice was taunting. "**You're **still a child, Rachel Barbara Berry! What makes you think you can raise one?"

"I –," her voice was nothing more than a squeak, her frightful eyes wide as a deer's.

"Well, you're the one who decided you were mature enough to have sex, so I guess you're enough of an adult to have a baby, aren't you, Rachel? **Aren't you?**" His voice was thunderous, his tone mocking.

When she didn't respond and simply curled up tighter, weeping, Leroy spoke again. "Get out of my house," he spat, contempt reflecting in his tone.

"Daddy!" Rachel screamed desperately, her voice ripping as tears streamed down her face, down her neck, "B – but… I'm your daughter –"

"I don't have a daughter."

Rachel's heart stopped.

"Leroy?" Hiram's voice was quiet and feeble as he staggered backwards and collapsed onto the stairs.

"Go," Leroy frowned, eyeing his daughter with disgust, "pack your things and get out."

Swallowing, Rachel raised her tormented gaze to her father, silent for a moment as their eyes met. His eyes were cold and stony. Emotionless. Turning away, he broke their stare as he angrily and briskly left the room. Rachel's lower lip quivered, her whole body trembling as she watched her father walk away from her without so much as a second glance. Desperately, Rachel looked over at her other father, pleading, no, begging with her gaze for him to do something. Anything. Hesitation and doubt overwhelmed Hiram Berry as his eyes met those of his daughter. For a moment, he faltered, unsure of what to do or what to say as he stared at the girl falling to pieces right before him. But, just as the man before him, he turned away from her. Silently, Hiram climbed back up the stairs, silently shaking his head all the way.

Rachel choked back a sob with her fist as she struggled to her feet.

She was alone. **Alone. **Silently, the tears began to pour freely down her cheeks as she reflected in disgusted surprise at how easily she had been cast aside. How easily rejected. A moan escaped her lips.

She needed to get out of here, out of this house. She wasn't sure that she could tolerate another second surrounded by all the pain and memories. Slowly, she wiped away the running mascara from underneath her eyes with her pinky fingers before gradually traveling up the all too familiar stairs and into the room that once belonged to her.

* * *

As Rachel walked back down the staircase and towards the door, her house had once again regained its uncomfortable still. Truthfully, the silence had become so regular as of late that it **almost** didn't even bother her anymore.

Almost.

Rachel hesitated at the brass handle, her fingertips lightly grazing past it as she paused in mid-step.

Her cheeks were still tear-stained, her eyes still red, her hair a mess. And yet, she was no longer crying. Rachel no longer had any tears to cry.

Quietly, she turned, lightly leaning backwards onto the door as she took a last look around the foyer. Rachel had grown up here. In this house she had always found sanctuary and refuge. It was her asylum from the cruel world. Her parents, they had been a part of this safe haven. Their faces, their smiles, their guidance. All of it was gone now. And now that it was, she was uncertain of where could she look to.

And then, without another glance, Rachel turned around, unlocking the door as she walked away from everything that she had ever known.

* * *

Jesse sat quietly outside on the steps of Rachel's front porch, his head in his hands.

He had heard yelling, screaming, arguing from beyond and he wasn't sure that he could handle just sitting there and doing nothing for much longer. Jesse felt powerless. Things hadn't gone well, that was something he figured safe to assume. And, to be honest, it frightened him.

As he heard the door behind him close, Jesse sat up quickly and turned around, straightening out his posture.

Rachel looked frail, her eyes red and distant. She wasn't even looking at him.

Nervously, Jesse stood, timidly approaching the girl standing before him. Ignoring him, Rachel turned and lightly set down a large duffel bag beside her.

"Rachel, what happened?" Jesse asked, concern flickering across his expression as he took a step closer.

Rachel's gaze flickered towards him for the first time. Her eyes were tired, her expression blank.

"They kicked me out." Rachel spoke, her tone flat.

Jesse opened his mouth but no sound came out. His eyes were pitying, fearful, distressed. Jesse stared at her in horror, frozen as a wave of guilt washed over him. She looked so vulnerable, so lost, so… broken.

_What have I done to her? _The thought haunted him._  
_

_

* * *

_

Rachel swallowed, looking away from him as she begun to blink rapidly.

"They –," she started again at his silence, her face screwing up as she entered into a state of hysteria, "they kicked me out!"

A sob ripped from her throat as she sank slowly to her knees, pressing her cheek up against the door.

"Rachel," Jesse spoke quietly as he crouched down beside the shaking figure.

Timidly, he placed an arm around Rachel's shoulder and drew her close. At first touch, she became tense. It seemed as if she were uncertain as to whether or not she wanted to push him away or draw him near.

Slowly, Rachel turned her face towards his and as their eyes met, she howled, burying her face into his t-shirt. Reaching a shaky hand towards him, she gripped Jesse's forearm tightly and brought him closer, letting him hold her. It was comforting, the feeling of his arms wrapped protectively around her and, for a moment, Rachel let herself enjoy it. Taking in a deep breath, she relaxed and while still gripping his wrist lightly, she laced their finger together.

* * *

As their fingertips touched, Jesse became rigid. The gesture was too loving, too familiar. It worried him.

_How could she still act so affectionately towards me when I've hurt her so many times? _

_

* * *

_

Rachel sighed quietly, enjoying the sudden silence. In spite of all the bad things that had just happened, it was comforting that he wasn't rejecting her again, that he wasn't asking questions, that he was just simply holding her.

Turning upwards, Rachel looked back up into Jesse's eyes, offering him a small, vulnerable smile.

Jesse smiled weakly back at her, his entire frame relaxing as he sighed in relief, gently kissing the top of her head. Opening his eyes, he saw Rachel staring at him intently. Jesse blinked, unable to look away as they sat in a suddenly awkward silence holding each other's gaze.

Rachel stared quietly at him, her eyes unmoving.

And then, before she even knew what she was doing, Rachel had leaned in. Hesitating, she paused, glancing up at Jesse, their eyes still locked. He was staring at her so intently, so thoughtfully, that she practically shied away from his gaze.

Then, slowly, ever so slowly, he leaned down, closing his eyes and parting his lips. Rachel closed her eyes, just in time, as his lips met hers. Pulling her closer, Jesse gently cupped his hand around her cheek as he rested his other hand on the small of her back. He eased his lips over hers gently while she wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed.

It was perfection. Bliss.

Jesse leaned backwards, gently breaking their sweet kiss as he turned to stare at the girl in his arms. His gaze flickered reflectively across her face, his eyebrows narrowed in concentration. Rachel lightly bit her lip, her heart sinking as she waited for him to push her away again.

But he didn't.

Instead, he tightened his grip around her waist considerably and placed a hand on the back of her head. Jesse paused for a moment, a mere second and nothing more before his lips crashed down heavily upon hers. Gasping against his lips, Rachel pulled him closer.

At his touch, electricity jolted throughout her body. Reaching a hand upwards, she ran her fingers through his hair, pulling him down against her lips harder. He ran his hand lightly down the side of her body before gripping her hand tightly in his and bringing it up to his chest. Rachel tilted her head to the side, pulling back and taking a quick breath before crashing her lips down upon his even harder than before. As Jesse gently pushed his tongue into Rachel's mouth she opened her lips willingly as she kissed him with more passion than ever before. Their hearts raced, their minds ran a mile a minute.

They moved together like one, neither wanting the moment to end.

* * *

**Wow. Long chapter. It was even kind of a cliffhanger. Sorry about that.**

**Oh, and, you caught me, Sea Serpent! Rachel's parents kicked her out. **

**Things are going to get PRETTY interesting now :) I don't really want to give anything away though. We'll see Rachel's parents again though, don't worry about it. Oh, and don't be too hard on poor old Leroy. He's just pretty temperamental and protective.**

**Chapter 15 is a big Jesse chapter. It gives him more of a back story and we get a glimpse into his family life. **

**By the way, the whole "Jesse threw her an odd look" will be explained in the next few chapters.**

**Ok. So now you review! Tell me what you think! Love you all.  
**

**-SpringSinger**


	15. Chapter 15: Another Trial

****DISCLAIMER: Mine Glee is not.**

**Sorry once again about the chapter delay. I've just been quite busy and stressed lately and not really in the mood to write. If this chapter sucks, I apologize :( Oh, and yeah, I know it's REALLY short but it's important and sets things up for next chapter. **

**Please enjoy and review :) We begin Chap. 15 in Jesse's POV as he sits with Rachel outside of his house in the car. **

**-SpringSinger**

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Jesse's face was quiet and pensive as he relaxed backwards into his seat, his eyes never wavering from the girl curled up next to him. Her eyes were closed tightly, eyebrows furrowed in concentration and the corners of her lips were twisted slightly downwards. While her breathing was shallow, she seemed awake, but just barely. Jesse let out a small sigh. The peace and quiet of her face was calming in its self.

Tearing his eyes suddenly away from her, Jesse leaned forward and took his keys out from the ignition.

Turning, he rested his gaze once more on Rachel. Her head was awkwardly resting on the car door, her torso pinned forward by the restricting gray seatbelt.

Jesse shut his eyes, twisting his face away as he took a deep breath.

He wanted this calm to last forever.

Dread swelled in the pit of his stomach as his eyes flickered over to the front door of his house, the looming possibility of further rejection dawning upon him as he considered the possibilities.

Jesse frowned. He knew that his father would not take his getting a girl pregnant lightly. He just never believed that his father might do something as drastic as kick him out. It was only until the events of that day transpired that Jesse became unsure, his faith in the humanity of others shaken.

And as he continued to mull over it, the chance of such a negative response seemed increasingly likely.

Gregory St. James, father of Jesse, was a serious man. Hardened. He was a man whose love for his son was overshadowed by lingering grief for his deceased wife. He was a man who never let go, a man who held grudges, a man held together by nothing more than a sense of responsibility for his son.

And he was a man who had changed, a man hadn't always been the same. In fact, he used to be lighthearted, optimistic. He was a man who dreamed big. He used to know where he was going.

But the passing of his wife, Mariana, to breast cancer had affected him so deeply that he withdrew into a shell. He became a shadow of his former self. His positive outlook and faith in God both irreparably damaged.

It had been four years since then. Jesse was only 14 at the time.

And, since then, everything had changed.

Gregory left the Catholic Church becoming a self-proclaimed atheist. His new beliefs were narrow-minded, and yet, he couldn't see past them. The man thought that, if there was a God, He wouldn't have let Mariana die.

And in time, his son too came to believe and accept such ideas.

* * *

Rachel blinked and sat up in her seat, wondering where she was.

Her eyelids were heavy and she was, at the moment, rather lightheaded but yet, she did not feel like rest.

Frowning, Rachel looked around, taking in her surroundings. They were familiar, that of the car's. She turned, meeting eyes with Jesse, who was sitting in the seat beside her. Comprehension washed over her.

"Are we at your house?"

Not breaking eye-contact, Jesse slowly nodded.

After a slight pause, he broke their gaze and spoke, "We should go in."

Rachel bit her lip fretfully as she turned in her seat, looking forward.

She opened her mouth slightly, then closed it once again before finally speaking, "You know, we dated for months and I've never been to your house once."

Jesse shrugged, his face expressionless. It was clear that he was not going to give Rachel an answer.

Her frown deepened. Sighing, she began to twist a strand of dark hair around her finger.

"So how do you think your dad is going to react?" Rachel's voice was flat and quiet.

Jesse was tempted to shrug once again but instead actually decided to bother in responding.

"I think he'll be fine."

His attempt at comfort was rather weak, but it was all that Rachel needed.

Nodding, Rachel sighed, turning as she pressed her cheek against the cold car window and peered out at the quaint, two story house in front of her.

"Let's go."

* * *

Gregory St. James sat at a smooth, wooden table top with an old Acer laptop set directly in front of him. His mouth had slowly twisted into a scowl, his permanent frown lines currently accentuated.

As the front door opened, he didn't flinch from his spot and merely turned his head.

"Jesse?"

At first there was no direct response as the sound of footsteps and whispering voices filled the house. Curiously, Gregory lowered the screen of his laptop, causing the monitor to go dark as he stood. But before he could take another step, his son had walked into the room.

"Dad," Jesse nodded respectfully to his father.

Gregory tilted his head to the side, frowning as he took in the appearance of his son. Jesse seemed tense and uncomfortable, even guilty. His hands were clenched tightly at his sides and his eyes blank, expressionless.

Cocking a single eyebrow, Gregory turned, pushing his chair into the table as he kept his quiet. Few words had been said and yet, he could sense from the mere atmosphere that something was amiss.

"Dad?" Jesse's voice was shaky.

It was perturbing. Since when was his son ever nervous or unsure?

Trying to mask his inner anxiety, Gregory kept his face completely impassive. "Yes?"

"I have some things I'd like to discuss with you."

Slowly, Gregory nodded and after a moment of thought, he silently gestured to the chair in front of him as he once again took his seat.

Hesitating, Jesse took a fleeting look back at the front door where Rachel was standing uneasily before following his father and sitting down.

Curiously, Gregory slightly leaned forward and peered through the open frame at the foyer. At the glimpse of the teenage girl, he became baffled.

"Who's your friend?"

Jesse swallowed and looked away from his father. "That's Rachel Berry."

At the sound of her name, Rachel's head snapped upwards. For a moment, she hesitated before lightly stepping into the room and offering Gregory a weak smile.

"Pleasure to meet you," his voice echoed tones politeness and civility.

Narrowing his eyebrows, he studied the girl. She was short, no more than 5'2 or 5'3 and rather petite. She had long, lustrous brown locks and large, dark eyes framed by thick eyelashes. In fact, Gregory would have considered her quite pretty if not for the ensemble she was currently sporting. Knee highs, a collared blouse, a plaid skirt and Mary-Janes. It was typical Rachel Berry, but that was not something Gregory St. James could comprehend. He had no knowledge of this girl and had only once or twice heard her nice in the passing small talk he had with his son.

Studying Rachel further, Gregory became slightly anxious. There was something about her eyes… they seemed familiar. No, that wasn't right, it wasn't just her eyes. Everything about the girl seemed familiar. And yet, he knew that he had never before met her.

"It's nice to meet you too," Rachel replied quietly, looking anxiously down at her hands.

As she finished her sentence, silence settle in the room as the two teenagers wondered what to say and where to start.

"So, what is it?" Gregory spoke loudly, straightening out the papers on the table as he attempted to break the unease.

Nervously, Jesse and Rachel exchanged a glance. It was one simple look that said a thousand words. Nodding slightly, Jesse turned from Rachel and met his father's gaze bravely before taking a deep breath.

"Rachel's pregnant."

* * *

**I know. I know. This chapter was INCREDIBLY short and kind of boring but next chapter will be better. Promise. Promise. Promise. And it will be longer.**

**Reviews are always appreciated :)**

**-SpringSinger**


	16. Chapter 16: Sigh No More

****DISCLAIMER: I think we've established that I don't own Glee.**

**Ahhhhhhh, hey guys! Uhhh soooo how's it going…? *awkward pause***

**I'm so so so so sorry about how late this chapter is. Like it's so so late. My life has just been INCREDIBLY busy as of late and I haven't really found the time to write… I know that's a bad excuse but hey, better late than never…haha I honestly can't believe how long it's been since I updated.**

**That being said, to try to keep on a schedule I'm going to TRY to start updating once every two weeks. I'm sorry for pushing back the time even farther but it really is necessary. **

**Sadly, I lost my outline for this story which is what has also been what's taken me so long to update. It really was devastating for me seeing as I only kind of remember what I wanted to happen :(((**

**Anyways, ENJOY! And pleaseee review(:**

**-SpringSinger**

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Rachel looked on quietly at father and son.

Both were unmoving, still. They had become frozen, their eyes locked on each other's. Neither wanted to be the first to speak, the first to break the silence. The quiet was eerie. Unnerving.

Rachel cocked her head to the side, heart racing as she found herself consumed by a daunting silence.

The two sat no more than a few feet away from each other and yet the distance between them seemed vast. Anywhere else, Rachel might have mistaken the two as strangers to each other. She could sense a sort of wall between them; a wall neither had ever tried to break down. It was almost sad, pitiful. The relationship between them appeared so cold, so damaged that Rachel couldn't help but wonder what had happened to make it that way.

Silently, Rachel leaned against the door frame and closed her eyes, waiting for the quiet to end.

"Are you keeping it?" The formerly hard, almost gruff voice had softened up. In fact, the change in tone prompted Rachel to open her eyes and meet the man's gaze.

His eyes were sad, regretful. She could detect no anger, no flicker of disgust. She could only see his sorrow, his disappointment. Ashamed, Rachel looked away. She felt dirty. The amount of contempt and disgust she was feeling for herself was enough to make up for his lack thereof.

Jesse's uncertain gaze flickered over towards the pregnant teenager, "I – I don't know. It's up to Rachel."

Gregory nodded quietly. Sighing, he ran a hand up his forearm, closing his eyes as silence swallowed up the room.

After a painfully long period of time, the teenage boy spoke, his voice breaking, "Dad?"

After a pause, the man replied, "What do you want me to say, Jesse?" Gregory leaned forward, gently massaging his temples.

"I don't know." Jesse replied quickly, his gaze fixed, "But something's better than nothing."

Slowly, Gregory sat backwards into the chair, studying his son.

"I'm glad you're taking responsibility for your actions," he spoke after a moment of silence.

_Me too. _Rachel added silently, stealing a glance at a deadpan Jesse.

"Dad?"

There was a slight pause before the man responded, "Yes?"

"Rachel's … Rachel's being pregnant isn't the only reason I wanted to talk with you," Jesse's voice was quiet.

Nervously, Rachel shifted her weight and looked downwards. She could felt her palms begin to sweat and nervously she grabbed her skirt.

"Well, the thing is," he began slowly, looking upwards to meet the eyes of his father as he became suddenly unsure, "her parents… they – well they kicked Rachel out and now … she doesn't have a place to go. So, I was wondering if she could – if she could stay … here."

Silence.

"No."

Her heart skipped a beat and Rachel shifted her weight, wringing her hands together. Her heart began to flutter. The nerves were taking over as thousands of worries raced through her mind.

If she couldn't stay with Jesse and her parents had kicked her out, where could she go?

Blatant terror flooded across her face and panicked, Rachel gravitated closer towards Jesse. She could feel the tears brimming but Rachel's fear was so strong that wiping her eyes seemed unnecessary compared dealing with the situation at hand.

"Dad," Jesse's face had contorted and he had balled his hands up into fists, disbelief reflecting In his eyes, "you…you can't do that!"

"Yes," Gregory replied flatly as he stood, closing his laptop fully. "I actually can, Jesse."

Rachel's lip trembled as she watched father and son stare each other down. The tension was so thick, that you could cut it with a knife.

Liking her dry lips, Rachel grabbed Jesse's wrist sparing him a glance and willed herself to speak.

"Mr. St. … ," Rachel stuttered as Jesse's fathers icy eyes met hers but took a deep breath and continue, not breaking eye contact, "Mr. St. James…I know this is a lot to ask but I…I have nowhere else to go. And – and I'll do anything I can to repay you. I'll…I'll get a job. I'll do your laundry and … wash the dishes," nervously, Rachel stopped speaking and moved her grasp down Jesse's arm, intertwining her fingers with his as she recognized a sort of desperation in her tone.

She closed her eyes briefly before meeting the stony gaze of Gregory St. James once again.

Gregory St. James was somewhere else.

Physically, yes, he was in his house, in his kitchen, at his table in the quaint town of Lima, Ohia.

Mentally, however, he was somewhere completely different.

The hauntingly familiar gaze of the teenage girl he had never met before had taken him far, far away to a place he had locked away. A place that he tried never going back to as to avoid the emotional pain it brought about. A place he had not visited in four years.

It was the eyes.

_Her eyes._

But who was her? He couldn't figure it out. Those eyes…they didn't belong to Rachel…no…no definitely not. Those eyes were someone else's. Someone he knew. Someone he used to know…

And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.

_Mariana. _

Those eyes. They were hers. Mariana's.

Gregory felt the old hurt heavily as it came rushing back, as familiar as ever. He could even feel prickling, stinging tears beginning to form in his old, blue eyes. Swallowing heavily, Gregory looked away quickly as to avoid the piercing gaze and sat down, clasping his hands in front of him.

"Please," the girl's voice was nothing more than a whisper but it was all that he need to shake him out of the pain he was in.

Exasperated, Gregory looked back up and winced as he met the familiar gaze. Grabbing his forehead and looking away, he began to massage his temples.

He didn't know what to do anymore. What to say. He was on the fence, unable to make a decision.

On one hand, that girl's presence would reopen an old wound, one that he had been trying so hard to forget about.

Then again, he wasn't even sure if he actually possessed the willpower to say no to a girl with the eyes of his dead wife.

"Dad," Jesse spoke, his voice quivering. "Are you alright?"

Swallowing the tears, Gregory looked up, clenching his teeth as he slowly nodded his head.

Gradually, the tired man looked, really looked, at the two teenagers standing before him.

There was something oddly tragic about the two, something that Gregory did not have the capacity to understand but had the ability to recognize. It was something rather admirable. They were facing the greatest fear a teenager could ever have and they were facing it before they should have to. They were facing the fear of growing up and taking responsibility. And Gregory, in his own way, seemed to recognize that.

Cocking his head slightly, Jesse's father continued to study the two.

There was something about the way that they stood together, the way that they held hands and meshed together that reminded him of the teenage version of himself and Mariana. But he couldn't exactly put his finger on what it was.

Slowly, Gregory met eyes with his son and spoke softly, "She can stay in the spare room."

Jesse's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion for half a second before he regained his composure and nodded his head as he gave Rachel's hand a quick squeeze.

"T-thank you," Rachel sputtered, placing her free hand on her heart, "Thank you **so** much, I promise I'll do all I can to repay you Mr. St. James."

Gregory smiled tightly at the girl before turning back towards his son, "Now go get the girl's things son and show her to her new room."

"Yes, sir," Jesse replied quickly, turning to leave.

"And I expect you two to be completely appropriate in this house, mister. No…canoodling of any sort or there **will** be consequences," Gregory narrowed his eyes, looking seriously at both.

"Yes, sir," Jesse said curtly.

"Now go!" The man waved his hand at the two and watched as they quickly scurried out of the kitchen, hands still locked.

Gregory St. James sighed and after a moment, he re-opened his laptop, all the while wondering what the hell he had done.

* * *

**Yeah! Something's going right…kinda! Haha(: I hope you all enjoyed that chapter! I am so sorry once again that it took so long. I can only hope that you'll forgive me! **

**Now do you know what the nicest thing ever would be? A review(; belated Christmas present? Yes please! Hahaha(: love you all !**

**By the way, this chapter is named after the song "Sigh No More" by Mumford & Sons, my favorite band at the moment! Go listen and give them your support!  
**

**-SpringSinger**


	17. Chapter 17: Please Don't Cry, You Liar

**DISCLAIMER: … you know the drill. I don't own Glee. Yep…**

**Sooo, I've so suddenly recovered from this writer's block that now, I can't stop writing ;) thought I'd update you sooner than I planned. I decided I probably owed it to you guys. **

**This is a fun, long chapter :) You'll like it, I'm sure. The next is even better though (hopefully) and we get to see a little more of Sophie. **

**Again, this chapter is titled after a Mumford & Sons song, "Liar" - once more, please go listen and give your support! **

**ENJOY! & review ;)**

**-SpringSinger**

* * *

Sleep had never come so quickly to Rachel Berry.

As soon as her delicate, brunette head had hit the pillow, she had succumbed to the kind of deep sleep she had been long deprived of since Baby had come around.

For once, in what seemed like a very long time, Rachel felt safe. She felt as if, finally, things were going to be alright. Yes, everything was still **really** fucked up and yeah, things hadn't gone according to plan the day before but yet, Rachel found herself feeling unexplainably…ok.

Something had gone right. Finally.

Mind you, everything had gone awfully wrong right before that…but still, the fact remains.

Something had gone right.

And where Rachel was now, that made all the difference.

Something. Had. Gone. Right.

And now, Rachel Berry was living with the boy that she was in love with, the father of her child.

To top that, Jesse even cared for her…. or he cared for Baby at least, and that meant the world to her.

It was something that Rachel couldn't put to words, the attachment she had to Baby. Where she was now, Rachel couldn't even imagine what it was like to live without the constant, reassuring presence of her child. It was as if now, Rachel had a purpose, a reason. She had some other meaning in her life than distant dreams of Broadway. Now, although she would never admit it, her career was on hold. And despite the fact that Rachel would've never recognized it, her current mind set even indicated that Broadway was almost insignificant in comparison.

And then, there was that kiss.

Rachel smiled in her sleep.

Every time that their lips met, she got shivers. It was something that she had never felt before with any other guy. Of course, she had only ever kissed two people besides Jesse, but still. There was something special about him, about Jesse St. James. His kisses made her lose all sense. It was cliché, but it was **so** completely true. When he kissed her, she couldn't think of anything other than his lips on hers.

Never mind the fact that he explicitly told her that he didn't love her.

Their chemistry… it was undeniable. Rachel knew that Jesse **couldn't** simply just ignore it. And his actions the previous day had proved that he wasn't.

And still, she was haunted.

Because…if it wasn't that, then what was it?

What was it that made Jesse so reluctant? Why did he keep rejecting her? If there wasn't someone else, then why had he dumped her? Why had he so suddenly and unexpectedly fallen out of love with her?

Rachel turned over in bed, a slight frown playing on her lips as she entertained a troubling notion.

_Were we ever even in love in the first place? _

* * *

Rachel sat up abruptly.

Dizzily, she brushed away dark locks of hair as she tried to figure out what had woken her up. Turning towards the bedside table, she groggily leaned over as she examined the vibrant yellow numbers on the digital clock.

_2:04 AM_

Sighing, she fell back into stiff, unused pillows and stared blankly up into the blackness of the ceiling. She took a second before lightly closing her eyes and attempting to fall back into sleep's warm embrace.

And then, she felt something.

Rachel's eyes shot open at the slight flutter she felt in her stomach. Quickly, she sat up once again, supporting herself with her right hand as she reached her left underneath her shirt. Rachel desperately felt around the expansion of her 19 week baby belly for another twitch but she couldn't feel a thing.

Rachel frowned and closed her eyes tightly.

And there it was again.

It was a twinge, a slight, but noticeable thump against her stretched stomach. It was as if butterflies had invaded Rachel's abdomen, and she couldn't tell if they were the result of nerves or Baby.

But there it was. And there again. And again.

Definitely Baby.

Excitedly, Rachel threw the covers off and jumped out of bed, all the while keeping a secure hand on her stomach. She quickly slid out of the door and tip-toed across the hallway. After hesitating for a moment, Rachel knocked on the door in front of her.

Silence.

Tentatively, Rachel raised her fist to the door once more, and as she was about to knock again, the door opened.

"Rachel?" The voice that spoke was deep and gravely, and all too familiar.

"Jesse," Rachel's voice came out quieter than she had planned.

Jesse opened the door further and stepped into the dim light of the hallway. As he came out of the shadows, Rachel took a slight step back and a sharp intake of breath.

Jesse was clothed in faded blue and yellow UCLA sweat pants along with a bare, naturally muscular chest. Every single ab was unbelievably defined and Rachel found that she couldn't help but stare at them as he stepped out towards her.

"Rachel…?"

Rachel stepped back and quickly looked down at her hands as to avoid Jesse seeing the blush creeping across her face.

"Um, yeah," Rachel began, stuttering a bit as she tried to recall the purpose of her visit, "oh, so…Baby!"

Looking up, Rachel saw an adorable smile creeping across Jesse's face, one that caused her blush to further spread across her cheeks.

"Baby…?"

"I felt him kick!" Rachel replied, looking shyly up towards Jesse.

Jesse's grin grew wider as he leaned against the door frame, "First off. Him…? Since when? And second, really? Are you sure?"

Rachel smiled brightly as she looked up at Jesse, flustered for a moment by the playfulness and good humor she saw reflected back at her, "Y-yeah! Well…I don't actually know for sure. I just have a gut feeling. And looking back on my predictions for best musical at the Tony's five years in a row, I'd say my gut feelings are pretty accurate. Although, I did have a hard time choosing between American Idiot and Memphis last year…"

Rachel stopped abruptly as her eyes locked with Jesse's.

"Ahhh…sorry," Rachel looked down, "I – I came to tell you that I **think** I felt Baby kicking and I just wanted you to know."

Jesse smiled, but kept quiet as he stared thoughtfully down at the petite Jewish girl before him. Shifting uncomfortably, Rachel looked back down at her hands.

"That was stupid…I'm sorry…it stopped, I shouldn't have woken you up," Rachel awkwardly turned to leave, "I'll…I'll go now."

As Rachel quickly turned to leave, Jesse grabbed her wrist and pulled her back towards him. She had been lighter than he had expected and he had underestimated his strength, so he had accidentally pulled her right up to his chest. For a moment, their eyes caught before both looked away, Jesse only awkwardly letting go of her wrist after a moment too long.

Swallowing, Jesse looked back down at Rachel, "No. Stay. We can wait together and see if he kicks again."

Jesse leaned backwards and pushed his door further open. Smiling, Rachel tentatively followed him into his room.

* * *

Jesse St. James' room was nothing like what an outsider might have expected. In fact, it was nothing at all like what even Rachel had imagined.

In all honesty, the room was dreadfully boring. Not one poster adorned its walls, not one triviality could be found in the room excluding a single bright red iPod Nano. Actually, the room didn't contain much more than a bed, a wardrobe, a mirror and a leather recliner. As Jesse closed the door, Rachel examined her surroundings thoughtfully, perplexed by the unexpected simplicity of such a dramatic person.

Jesse walked towards his bed before turning around and flashing a smile, "Welcome to my room."

Nodding awkwardly, Rachel took a few steps towards him, "It's…nice."

Jesse laughed and fell back onto his red comforter, never losing eye contact with Rachel. "Not what you expected, huh?"

Smiling, Rachel sat timidly down beside him, "Not really. No. I kind of expected half of your room to be plastered in Next to Normal posters."

Jesse smiled in reply and sat silently for a moment before turning back to Rachel, and speaking quickly, "I don't spend much time in my room… Actually, that's a lie. I don't spend any time in my room."

Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"No really," Jesse insisted, "I don't do anything besides sleep in this room…I just…have this thing where I can't work and practice and rehearse in the same room that I dream."

"Why?"

Jesse spoke quickly, excited, "Because dreams aren't reality, Rachel. And the only way to achieve your dreams is to stop dreaming and take some action. When you're dreaming, you aren't achieving."

"I never thought of that," Rachel replied slowly.

Jesse shrugged, running a hand through his hair and said after a moment, "I've never shared that with anyone before."

"Never?"

"Never."

Silence filled the empty space between.

"So then…," Rachel began, "where do you … achieve dreams?"

Jesse smiled, "The basement." A slight twinkle reflected in his blue-eyed gaze as he continued, "That's where you'll find my secret stash of Next to Normal memorabilia."

Rachel laughed out loud. However, she almost immediately covered her mouth with her hand, looking around worriedly.

"I hope I didn't wake up your dad," Rachel whispered, trying to hold back a grin.

Jesse shook his head, "He's a deep sleeper, he'll be okay."

Rachel nodded and looked away, adjusting her top nervously as she searched for something to say to the boy beside her. Quietly, she berated herself for lack of conversational skills. There were thousands of topics in the world to choose from and yet she couldn't manage to keep up a simple conversation.

"So I know it may be too early," Jesse began hesitantly, looking down awkwardly, "but…do you what you're going to do with the baby?"

Rachel glanced up sharply, realizing a little too late that the atmosphere had suddenly gotten serious. Closing her eyes, she stayed quiet as the feelings she had tried to suppress washed over her.

"Oh," Rachel looked at Jesse, an innocent tone overcoming her voice, "I – I don't know…"

* * *

Rachel felt a thousand different emotions at one moment.

Was that even possible? She didn't know. But that was certainly what it felt like.

To start off, this ... this just wasn't a situation Rachel **ever** pictured herself in. Therefore, she had no clue where to go or what to do. Rachel Berry pregnant? What a joke.

And yet … it wasn't …

Nonetheless, Rachel had eventually come to terms with her pregnancy and was faced with further predicaments.

Abortion. Adoption. Or becoming a teenage mother.

Abortion…Rachel barely had to give that one any thought.

Or … at least that's what she liked to think.

From a very young age, having a child meant a lot to Rachel and her family. She had always viewed those who had gotten an abortion as unfortunately misguided. Rachel saw them as having a flawed perspective. She lived by the perception that a baby was a gift, not a terrible burden to be disposed of. And that became the viewpoint Rachel desperately clung onto as she herself was subjected to an unplanned pregnancy.

And yet, although she would never admit it, there was still a part of her that wanted that abortion, that easy way out. It all seemed crudely simple; Rachel was almost frightened by how easily it seemed to be to shirk responsibility… or maybe she was just frightened that she wanted to…

Rachel had never experienced such conflicted feelings and honestly, she couldn't quite pinpoint the start of her sudden emotional whirlwind. It was as if her momentary memory-loss and distraction from Baby related thoughts had caused all her worries and stresses to burst out at once, completely overwhelming her.

But after all of this, Rachel hadn't even thought about her imminent choice between adoption and mothering yet.

All she knew was that both options scared the fuck out of her.

* * *

"Oh. I – I don't know…"

Jesse watched closely as Rachel's eyes glazed over, as her mind left the present and went somewhere that Jesse wished he himself could visit. Thoughtfully, Jesse cocked his head to the side as he saw fear gleam in the girl's eyes.

He didn't blame her.

He was fucking scared himself. He couldn't imagine what it had been like and what it was like for Rachel.

Gently, he laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's OK. I don't know either."

* * *

At Jesse's words Rachel snapped out of her trance. It took a moment for her brain to process what he said before she met his gaze and smiled.

_I don't know either._

Her smile widened.

They were in this together.

* * *

_Beautiful._

Rachel was beautiful. Smiling back at Jesse, it was all that he could think of. She was ... smiling, **really **smiling. And it was beautiful.

He didn't know at what point he had gotten distracted by her beauty, but he thought it may have been when he saw true happiness in her expression. True happiness caused by him. He hadn't done that in so long…

And so then, Jesse did what most boys at his age do - think with their penis before their head.

* * *

Their lips had touched before either had time to process what was happening.

It should have been a picture-perfect moment where the guy pauses for a moment and stares into the girl's eyes before a passionate embrace, but Jesse and Rachel's relationship was far too complicated for such perfection.

For a moment, Rachel froze, waiting for Jesse to push her away again, before realizing that he had kissed her first.

Urgently, Jesse stood, pulling Rachel to him sharply, a sense of desperation filling each passionate kiss that he planted on her rosebud lips. Rachel responded with equal eagerness, snaking her small arms around his neck, playing with stray hairs at the nape of his neck as she pressed herself against him. She could feel her heart fluttering madly as Jesse's hands wandered down her back. Her mind was in a million places as once but every time that she started to think sensibly, she was distracted by his embrace, her heart skipping a beat at every touch.

Rachel groaned as Jesse moved his butterfly kissed over to her jaw and neck. Her legs went weak as his touches shifted uncontrollably between fiery and gentle. Sensing just that, Jesse hoisted Rachel up so that she was straddling him and laid her gently down on his bed. Jesse crawled lightly on top of Rachel and placed hot kisses on her mouth as he helped her out of her bright pink top.

Both were desperate, desperate to have more of each other, desperate to block any rational thought from poisoning their minds.

* * *

"Jesse." Rachel's voice was no more than whisper.

For a moment, Jesse broke away and stared briefly down into Rachel's eyes. As he attempted to plant another kiss on her swollen lips, she turned her head, tightly closing her eyes. Jesse tried and failed one more time to do the same before dejectedly leaning backwards.

"What?" His voice was rough, but quiet.

Rachel struggled to push Jesse off and after a moment of reluctance, he moved off of her and sat on the edge of his bed. Rachel sat up quickly and placed her hands on either side of the bed, looking down at her feet as to shield her face with her hair.

"We can't **do** this Jesse," Rachel spoke, her voice sounding much angrier than she had originally intended.

Jesse turned to Rachel and tried to tuck her hair behind her ear. She shied away from his touch like poison, and stung, Jesse pulled away.

"Why?"

Rachel paused and looked back at him, her face twisting into a frown of disbelief, "Because you don't love me."

As if suddenly awaken from a dream, Jesse abruptly felt the humiliation for his actions set in.

Why, oh why had he pushed?

Rachel stood and Jesse watched silently, stricken as she self-consciously grabbed her shirt and ran out of his room, a single tear trickling down her blank face. For a moment, Jesse sat frozen before he groaned, leaning over his knees as he put his head in his hands. He felt as if he couldn't get anything right anymore. He just kept screwing things up…over and over and over again. It had all started with that lie and from there, it had all gone downhill. That one lie had complicated everything.

Jesse swung his legs onto his bed and leaned backwards, putting his hands behind his head as he stared up at his ceiling, thinking...

They say that all truth is simple…

But isn't that just doubly a lie?

* * *

**Yeah! :) Long chapter! I'm proud of myself. **

**Well I sincerely hoped you enjoyed it and if you did pleaseeee review :) Reviews make me want to write more and faster. **

**Next chapter should be expected in 1 – 2 weeks, it'll be long as well and probably a fan favorite ;) I'm just saying. **

**By the way, the last line of this chapter is actually a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche but it sounded weird when I tried to incorporate that!**

**So thank you for reading! and if you want to be my best friend, leave a review ;) haha **

**-SpringSinger**


	18. Chapter 18: The Writer

**DISCLAIMER: You wanna be a loser like me! :) Haha I just watched the regionals episode of Glee! It was amazing. Ok, yeah so I really wish I owned Glee so I could make a full five episodes dedicated to St. Berry but…I don't so I can't.**

**BTDUBS, I heard that Jesse is coming back next episode :) and I am … SO FRIGGIN EXCITED! **

**Ok, well this is a really eventful chapter and my longest yet. I'm sure you'll love it! So enjoy&review! **

**-SpringSinger**

* * *

_Why don't you be the artist  
And make me out of clay?  
Why don't you be the writer  
Decide the words I say?_

_- Elton John "The Writer"_

* * *

It was the early morning of May 15th, 2010 and as of tomorrow; Rachel Berry would be 19 weeks pregnant.

_19 weeks._

She was halfway through her pregnancy. And it was completely unbelievable…

Nothing had seemed quite … real until she had revealed her secret to Jesse. Yes, every day she had felt the presence of Baby growing inside of her, and yet, for a while, it all seemed like some sort of dream.

A dream that she had been rudely awaken from the night before.

And when Rachel stared at herself in the bathroom mirror that morning, clothed in a tight tank-top, her baby belly protruding farther than she had expected, she felt reality like a slap in the face. Cold fear ran down her spine as she stared at her stomach, thousands of thoughts running through her mind at once.

In a way, it was kind of liberating – wearing tight clothing and not having to give a care about concealing the existence of Baby.

It was almost…nice.

As Rachel turned, staring at her baby belly from a different angle, she came upon a revelation.

She was just… **sick** and **tired** of being ashamed and guilty. Of hiding her child like he was a mistake… when deep down, Rachel could never have truly believed that.

Simply put, she was sick of having to conform herself to social standards. She was sick of the fact that she cared. She was sick of the fear provoked by the thought of revealing Baby to the world.

She was just ready to be excited. To be proud. To have that glow Rachel loved to see on pregnant woman. That's what she really wanted.

She wished, she **wished, **so very dearly that she could walk into William McKinley High on Monday with her head held high, her baby belly on display and Jesse by her side, hand in hand.

But Rachel didn't have that kind of confidence. And she knew it.

The whispers, the stares…the judging…Rachel didn't know how Quinn had dealt with it…

_Quinn._

Rachel perked up as her thoughts wandered to her former-rival, her current…friend. She hadn't had time to think about their newfangled friendship all week but, looking back on it, Rachel couldn't help but smile. The support Quinn had offered was so unexpected and so, **so** appreciated that it shed a new sort of light on her situation.

Rachel had support. Much more than she had expected from her tiny friend group. She had the father of her child, a boy she knew a little too well and a girl who had experienced the same thing she was going through right now all by her side.

Of course, she sorely missed the presence of her parents in the aforementioned list but Rachel knew that dwelling on the past wasn't going to do any good.

That was a lesson she had learned quite well as of late.

Adjusting her stretchy yellow headband, Rachel took one last look at her appearance before opening her door and walking out.

* * *

Rachel Berry was filled with dread as she took a begrudging and very reluctant step onto the first floor of the St. James household. She could hear the voices of Jesse and his father quite clearly in the next room, and as she neared, she couldn't prevent her heart from beating wildly.

Upon entering the room, Jesse and his father quieted. Both looked expectantly towards her as if they were waiting for her to speak. Smiling slightly, Rachel made a point to look away quickly as she sat down at the breakfast table, mumbling a slight 'good morning.' Jesse nodded at Rachel, patting her leg comfortingly before turning to his father and motioning silently for him to say something.

"Uh," Gregory started awkwardly, wiping the corners of his mouth with a napkin, "how did you sleep…Rachel?"

Rachel looked up, making direct eye-contact with Jesse's father before she politely replied, "Very well, thank you."

Gregory nodded blankly, fixated on Rachel, unable to tear himself away from the girl's gaze. Swallowing uncomfortably, Rachel shifted in her chair and looked away.

The atmosphere was awkward, tense. Simply put, it was…uncomfortable…for one and for all.

"So," Jesse began loudly, "would you like some breakfast, Rachel?"

"Um, yes please," Rachel replied, suddenly reminded of how hungry she actually was. After all, she was eating for two.

Quietly, Jesse grabbed a few pieces of toast and placed them on a plate before taking a large scoop out of the fruit salad. Rachel watched on silently as he did so, occasionally glancing over at Gregory St. James. All the while, she was painfully aware of how awkwardly quiet the atmosphere was.

This was worse than she had imagined.

The fact that Rachel hated mornings didn't help either. Generally, they were a rush, a planned schedule, a formality. The structure was somewhat comforting, however, they had always been so tranquil that it would remind Rachel of the calm before the storm. The storm being school.

And this particular morning was feeling exactly like any other…except ten times worse.

Things were too quiet, too peaceful. Rachel felt as if any second, someone was bound to erupt.

She couldn't have been more right.

Jesse's father shifted uncomfortably in his seat, picking up the perfectly folded newspaper and opening it up in order to hide his face. Jesse and Rachel exchanged a look. Uncomfortably, Rachel picked up a piece of toast.

"Pregnant."

* * *

Jesse's head shot upwards at the word. Looking up, he met the sad, faded blue eyes of his father. His stare was accusing and it completely burnt through Jesse.

"I thought I'd raised you better," his voice was quiet, sad, and only a hint of anger could be detected.

Guilt and shame washed over Jesse. He couldn't believe that he had done something so stupid and reckless and **damaging,** not only to himself, but to his father and to Rachel. The guilt was overwhelming. There was no easy way out of this. It wasn't as if he could just talk himself out of this predicament. And it was too late to run away now. Barely an adult, he had to face mistakes that many others much older had trouble dealing with.

It was actually rather sad. Someone else had become his priority long before his time. Luckily for both Jesse and Rachel, each had a relatively mature perspective on life. As silly as it may sound, acting characters that had gone through everything from betrayal to death and defeat had given them a certain kind of unexplainable wisdom. Most don't understand the emotional toll that it takes to become someone else. When one's character learns and matures, it's almost as if the actor does the same.

Jesse was brought back to reality as his father continued speaking.

"What did I do wrong?" Gregory shook his head slowly. It was almost as if he was talking more to himself than to the two teenagers sitting right before him.

Jesse could feel his cheeks heating. It was humiliating. Jesse almost wished that his father had been **angry** instead of … disappointed.

It caused him disappointed in himself.

Gregory's jaw clenched as he looked away from his son, his eyes glazing over, "This would have never happened if Mariana was still around…"

It was a stab in the heart, the reminder of his dead mother and simply knowing how much pain his father had been feeling. The hurt had been ignored for so long by Jesse and his father that it was painful to recall. Jesse winced. Gregory talked as if his mother had just left voluntarily, and it was hard for Jesse to listen to. It was a sort of survivor's guilt. It was absolutely daft to think that either of them could have helped in saving Mariana St. James' life, and both of them realized that…to a certain extent.

"Mr. St James?"

Rachel's voice had had shaken Jesse and his father out of their dream-like state.

"You can't blame yourself," Rachel spoke honestly, "it is mine and Jesse's fault alone."

Jesse could tell that Rachel was feigning confidence but he knew that his father could never have figured that out.

"I'd even say that it's more my fault…," Rachel's voice quieted, looking down at her hands reflectively.

Jesse shook his head, "That's not true."

Rachel looked at Jesse and smiled, her face glowing as she stared affectionately at the father of her child.

Gregory swallowed painfully. Still distressed, he stood, mumbled an excuse and left the room.

Jesse and Rachel exchanged a look.

"I – I know I've said it before," Rachel started quietly, "but I really am sorry, Jesse."

Jesse looked away and nodded curtly, "It was a long time ago."

"Still," Rachel whispered, placing a hand on Jesse's.

As their hands touched, both were reminded of the night before and drew away from each other, flinching. Rachel felt her cheeks turn red and looked away nonchalantly as to prevent Jesse from seeing her embarrassment.

"So, I'm 19 weeks as of tomorrow," Rachel stated, trying to change the subject.

Jesse nodded and looked down at her bulging belly, an unidentifiable expression overcoming his face, "19 weeks?"

Rachel smiled lightly, "Yep. 19 weeks."

"He's still so tiny," Jesse observed, his tone quiet.

Rachel nodded her heart before pausing, "Well I still don't exactly know if Baby's a he but we can figure out at the next ultrasound if we want to."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Not one for surprises are you?" Jesse joked, relaxing as he noticed the atmosphere lighten.

Rachel shrugged, "You know me. I absolutely abhor the wait for casting. And, they're always late… not that I've never gotten the lead but still…one time the director even told me specifically that casting would be up by Saturday and I didn't get the call until four weeks later."

Jesse nodded, "Once, for Grease, they waited almost two months to call me for Danny."

Rachel nodded and smoothed out her hair awkwardly as silence settled in.

"So…," Jesse began uncertainly, "when is your next appointment? I'd … I'd like to come with you if that's alright."

Rachel smiled brightly, "Yeah, it is. And…I think it's some Saturday in May."

Jesse paused, "Rachel it is a Saturday in May."

"Wait," Rachel stopped, alarmed, "what day is it?"

Jesse looked around quickly and dragged his father's watch over from the other side of the table. He was quiet for a moment as he looked at the watch before turning to Rachel.

"It's the 15th."

"Shit!"

Rachel's hand flew to her mouth.

Jesse raised an eyebrow, amused, "It's cool. My dad swears all the time."

Rachel nodded quickly, relieved and became once again distracted by the current predicament.

"Jesse," Rachel started urgently, "my appointment is today. I – I don't have a car. I can't even remember what time my appointment is."

Calmly, Jesse stood and grabbed both his and Rachel's plate as he moved towards the sink, "I doubt that you scheduled your appointment earlier than 9 in the morning, Rach. It's okay. We can look them up in the phone book and call them."

Rachel nodded, biting her lip.

"Common, let's do it now. And it's alright, I'll drive you. I didn't have anything planned for today anyways."

It was a lie. He had been planning on meeting up with some friends from Vocal Adrenaline to try and normalize his life a bit, but Rachel was his priority now.

And lately, he had come to recognize that all too well.

* * *

"Rachel Berry?"

Both teenagers looked up as Rachel was called and glanced over towards the source of the high-pitched vocals.

At the far end of the reception room stood Sophie, Rachel's ultrasonic technician, her long hair tied tightly in a bun at the top her head. In one hand she held a clipboard and in the other a thin, red ballpoint pen.

Sophie searched the room, her eyes darting from side to side before she made direct eye contact with Rachel. Smiling brightly, Sophie motioned for Rachel to come. As both Jesse and Rachel stood, Sophie's eyes widened before quickly crinkling as she broadened her smile.

"I'm Sophie," she said as the two neared, extending a friendly hand out to Jesse.

Jesse hesitated before taking her hand and shaking it firmly, "Jesse."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Sophie replied, smiling back at the two as she led them through a confusing series of hallways.

"So, how've you been, dear?" She continued happily as she led Jesse and Rachel into a room slightly familiar to the pregnant teenager.

"Alright," Rachel replied, attempting a failure of a smile as she and Jesse sat down, "a little heartburn, a little nausea."

Truthfully, Rachel was incredibly nervous and barely had any incentive to force that smile. Yes, she had gone through this process before, but it had only been once and it seemed like it had been forever since that day to Rachel. Additionally, Jesse was there this time. Somehow, and it didn't make any sense, but she felt as if she might disappoint him.

It didn't help either that nothing more than his presence had the ability to incite butterflies in her stomach.

"Sounds completely normal," Sophie replied, as she turned the ultrasound machine on, "and you're how many weeks now…?"

"19," Jesse replied for Rachel, smiling encouragingly at the pregnant girl beside him.

Sophie nodded and replied, looking at Rachel as she patted the mattress, "Almost halfway through, huh? You know I expect you to get bigger, missy. How about you start eating? I mean, that baby bump of yours is tiny! I was almost as big as you when I was only 12 weeks."

Rachel stopped, "You're a mother?"

Sophie froze, smiling sadly after a moment, "I like to think that I am."

Jesse and Rachel exchanged a quiet, brief look.

Sophie took a deep breath, blinking as she put on a large smile, "So, are you … the father?"

Jesse nodded as he watched Rachel push herself up onto the mattress.

Jesse himself was confused. His feelings were mixed, but that was almost a given nowadays. He couldn't help but feel nervous no matter how hard he tried to keep his cool. It was ironic. He had done this a million times for a countless number of shows...

Then again, it was one thing to get over stage fright and another to deal with real, tangible risks.

And still, looking back on everything, Jesse never regretted moving to William McKinley once. He couldn't exactly put his finger on why, as his life went to hell ever since his transfer, but he couldn't manage to feel the regret that he knew he should.

* * *

Quietly, Sophie lifted up Rachel's shirt and tucked a towel into her pants. A comfortable silence overcame the room as the short technician continued her preparations for the ultrasound. Quietly, Rachel observed the woman, noticing that she seemed to be the only calm person present. Jesse himself was clutching either side of his chair, eyes locked on the floor. As she watched him, Rachel found herself wishing that she could read minds, her curiosity about Jesse's thoughts growing with every second.

"You ready, dear?"

Rachel turned back towards Sophie and nodded her head as she took a deep breath in order to calm her nerves. Sophie smiled, her eyes flickering towards Jesse before she squirted the thick gel onto Rachel's stomach. At first contact, Rachel flinched, shivering. Closing her eyes tightly, Rachel held her breath until Sophie had lowered the transducer to her stomach.

Rachel smiled, her eyes still closed as she let her thoughts wander. Things were different this time around. She was definitely still nervous. In all actuality, Rachel doubted that she could ever go through this experience without being nervous. And yet, now, she knew what to expect. She knew who and what she was going to see.

"Rachel?"

Her eyes flew open.

"Wanna take a peek at your Baby?" Sophie grinned, "I mean, I assumed that was why you were here."

Rachel smiled but didn't reply, her eyes now glued to the screen.

* * *

Jesse didn't remember when he had stood or when he had grabbed Rachel's hand but he figured that it must have happened at one point. All he knew was that he needed to get closer, to get nearer before everything disappeared, before the fleeting moment had passed… before the image of his child faded away…

And suddenly, Jesse had a revelation.

This child wasn't what he was so guilty about.

This child, **his** child was amazing…a miracle… And although this was Jesse's first glimpse, he already felt a connection. He had a part in making this wonder, and that astonished him. As his he blinked away tears, Jesse's heart ached for the day that they would meet, the day when he could hold this little child in his arms. Yes, the remorse he felt for his reckless actions was still there, and Jesse supposed that it always would, but now, it had faded.

Jesse's closed his eyes, and as he opened them, they wandered towards the gleaming gaze of the girl beside him.

* * *

Rachel's heart was pounding.

This time, everything…was truly perfect. Jesse had completed the moment, her secret fairytale of a real family. Yes, Rachel knew that it was an illusion of the moment… and yet, she couldn't help but get herself caught up in it.

Her unborn child was the image of perfection. However, this time, Baby was bigger. Rachel could see his face a little clearer, his body a little larger. He seemed so peaceful, so quiet, so innocent.

Curled in the fetal position, he appeared to be sleeping peacefully. Smiled sadly, Rachel recognized that this calm, this peace, this **safety** that Baby had so deep inside of her would not last forever. Fear struck a chord in her heart, as she thought of the harsh world she was bringing her child into, and that she would not be able to protect him all the way.

How could she **think** of giving this child away? To always have the uncertainty of his fate burning away at the back of her mind? How could Rachel give this child away in good conscience knowing that when he first tasted his tears, when he felt the anguish of his first heartbreak that she would not be there?

Rachel wished her baby well.

_Sleep while you can, little one._

"Some people say that the baby can hear you about now," Sophie spoke as she continued to move the transducer around Rachel's swollen belly, her voice tearing through the girl's thoughts.

Rachel nodded quietly – her face an open book, reflecting both disbelief and adoration.

She was even more lost now than before.

* * *

Jesse sat down heavily into one of the two cantilever chairs beside the door as Sophie lifted the transducer off of the teenager girl's stomach. He wasn't sure how the hell he had managed, but all he could think about as he watched Rachel stare at the monitor was how much he wanted to be with her. As Jesse held his head in between his hands, he felt his resolve all but disappear.

"You two seem really in love," Sophie looked wistfully between the two teenagers, a slight twinkle in her eye.

At that, both teenagers sat stunned for a moment before they each began their frantic protests.

Rachel shook her head furiously, "No! No-no-no-no-no!"

"Yes!" Jesse agreed with Rachel, nodding his head frantically, "Wait. I mean no. We're not…"

He trailed off and glanced over at Rachel who was looking back at him with an injured look in her eyes.

Looking away from him, Rachel began quietly, "It's just not –"

"— like that," Jesse finished, staring directly at Sophie, refusing to make eye-contact with the girl to his right.

Sophie looked back and forth between the two soon-to-be parents skeptically before chuckling a bit to herself as she grabbed her clipboard. "So, Rachel. You're scheduled to come back in a month onnnn… June 12th. Is that still OK with you?"

Rachel blinked, frowning as she was suddenly distracted. June 12th… the date seemed familiar somehow but she couldn't remember how …

"No!" Jesse interjected suddenly, "That's Nationals week. We'll be gone from Friday to Monday."

"Nationals!" Rachel repeated, slightly worried at the prospect of Nationals being only one month away.

"Oh, alright," Sophie replied, taking her pen and scratching out the date, "How does the weekend after that work for you? I have an open slot at 3PM on the 19th."

"The 19th…?"

"It's a Saturday."

Looking at Jesse, Rachel nodded slowly, "Yeah. That sounds good."

"You'll be 24 weeks. I'll be excited to see how you've grown," Sophie said, smiling as she opened the door and lead Jesse and Rachel out into the reception room, "Thank you for coming in again, Rachel, and nice to meet you, Jesse. I look forward to seeing you two again soon."

An obvious dismissal, Rachel and Jesse both smiled kindly at Sophie before turning and walking out of the clinic. As Jesse opened the door for her, their hands brushed, causing both to flinch. Their touch was electric and brought about memories of a better day...

* * *

For a few seconds, they walked quietly side by side, the icy wind whipping at their faces. Both were silent in reflection and deep thought.

How had Sophie seen right through what they thought were carefully guarded feelings?

On Rachel's side, she knew that couldn't keep lying to herself, because the truth was that she missed Jesse.

She missed his loving presence so much that she felt like it was tearing her apart. His constant presence nowadays prevented the wound from healing. And it hurt like hell. Thinking back on everything, Rachel had to admit that she **had **been stupid, naïve, and all too trusting. She had made herself completely vulnerable from day one and had her heart ripped to shreds in the process.

However, about halfway through their relationship, Rachel had noticed a kind of burning arise in her heart. At first, she was confused as to what it was. It took her a while until she realized that it was love. It was a kind of pain that could make her experience great energy and passion. Other times, she found it completely destroying her – the hurt could be so terrible that sometimes she just wanted it to go away altogether.

And then she would remember…

They were perfect for each other.

They shared everything in common and they had a perfect balance – both giving all they had to the other.

And although the burn had lessened in their time apart, its constant presence had always been there – a cruel reminder that she had loved…and lost. Lately however, the burn had been regaining its strength, its flame. Every kiss they shared, every touch, every fleeting moment complicated things more and more and more.

It had gotten to the point where Rachel was not sure if she could push him away anymore.

* * *

Jesse was hurting, burning with guilt and desire.

He simply could not forget the tiny girl beside him. He was powerless around her. And every moment he was with her, every moment that his lie thrived was another moment of despair, of regret, another complication.

Sophie had said they were in love.

He didn't know if there was any truth to that on either side. And, although it hurt him, he knew Rachel felt the same as he did – whatever that feeling was.

And Jesse would never, ever understand that. He half expected Rachel to despise him after all he had done. Putting it simply, Jesse could not understand why she still felt the same way after all of this time, especially considering how much he had hurt her.

But, she did, and that was all that mattered.

Jesse looked beside him as they neared his car. His eyes burned as he watched Rachel, as he prayed that she wouldn't glance his way. With every step, every bounce, she became even more beautiful, even more irresistible until… he couldn't take it anymore.

"Rachel…," Jesse croaked out, grabbing her arm, "I can't go on like this anymore."

Rachel paused, looking back at Jesse, her brown eyes widening.

Her voice was no more than a whisper, "Like…what?"

"Pretending that I don't love you!"

The words had slipped from his lips before he had any time to think them through.

Rachel took a sharp intake of breath. Her heart pounded – the lion in her soul roaring in victory. She had been struck silent. She… couldn't believe it… everything felt too much like a dream. For a moment, her heart soared. Rachel was on top of the world. It was the best feeling the world.

And then… she remembered. She remembered everything that he had done to her.

Shaking her head, Rachel backed away from him, "No." She murmured.

Rachel could feel as hot tears trickled down her cheeks, but this time, she let them fall.

Adamant, Jesse took a step towards her, the fire of determination gleaming in his eye.

"Stop pretending you don't want this too, Rachel," Jesse pleaded. "Just … stop running!"

Quietly, the pregnant girl took a baby step towards him, refusing to make eye contact as she whispered, "Please."

"Please what?" He implored desperately.

Rachel tentatively put one hand on Jesse's chest.

"Don't hurt me."

Her words shook him.

As their eyes locked, Jesse grabbed Rachel's hand tightly and pulled her close to him. For a fraction of a second, they stood mere inches apart, staring intensely at each other. Both of their faces were partially concealed, covered in rustled hair caused by the consistent beating of the wind. Rachel closed her eyes to hide tears of happiness.

It was so wrong. So, so wrong that she was happy. This boy had torn her life apart. And yet… she was powerless against him. He was her weakness. And so she gave up, giving into the feelings provoked by the insane thumping of her lovesick heart.

Jesse cupped her cheek very gently with his rough hand. Both were practically shivering in anticipation. It was almost pathetic how little resolve they had around each other, how weak they were for one another.

Rachel pulled back for a second and gazed into his dazzling blue eyes. His gaze struck her, and looking into them, she felt warmth and a wonderful kind of pain that she figured must have been a surge of love.

Jesse reached for her again and Rachel melted into the touch of his hand, her lips rushing to meet his, desperate to teach him her heart's song.

And in that moment, they were invincible.

* * *

**AH! I hope you enjoyed that. You better have. Longest. Chapter. Ever. It took me a while to write! But, if you do want to repay me, you could write a review ;) hehe**

**This chapter is titled after "The Writer" by Elton John. Go listen to it. Beautiful song.**

**Yeah, well, just an FYI, this isn't anywhere near happily ever after yet. **

**We're just getting started.**

**-SpringSinger**


	19. Chapter 19: Can I Live?

**DISCLAIMER: I do not and never will own Glee…**

**Sorry this took a bit longer than usually to finish. It's a very long chapter but pretty good (if I do say so myself ;) haha) and just…very different. It's a little darker. **

**Lastly, I'd like to remind readers that this story is rated mature for a reason. This chapter in particular contains a semi-graphic description of an abortion method called Dilation and Evacuation. **

**You've been warned. **

**Anyways, pleaseeee enjoy!**

**-SpringSinger**

* * *

The sun began its ascent sluggishly that early Sunday morning in May. Equally lazy, Rachel Berry wasn't quite ready to get up. Blindly, she adjusted her pillow and turned over in bed, pulling up the faded white covers to her chin. Her typical weekend routine usually never allowed for sleeping in past seven o'clock, but nothing about this weekend had been typical.

_Sleep. _Rachel smiled at the word, closing her eyes a bit tighter.

A few more hours wouldn't hurt...

"Rachel!"

Alarmed, the girl sat up quite abruptly, eyes shooting wide open as she dizzily surveyed the guest room for what had caused such a disturbance. Locking eyes with a guilty Jesse St. James, Rachel put a hand on her heart as she shook her head, sinking back down into her sheets.

"Jesus, Jesse, what was that for?"

Awkwardly, Jesse closed the door behind him and walked over to Rachel, sitting gently down at the edge of her bed.

"Err…sorry…I thought you'd be awake by now," Jesse said, a bit uncomfortable as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

Rachel shrugged, pulling her feet out from beneath the covers.

"And wait," Jesse pulled himself up onto Rachel's bed, a playful, boyish look glinting in his eyes as he spoke, "Jesus? I thought you were Jewish."

Rachel scrunched her nose and reached across the bed, shoving Jesse teasingly. Laughing, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him.

Their lips found each other's easily and their embrace was natural. The kiss was hungry, feverish and as Rachel hands wound effortlessly into his hair, it deepened. Rachel kissed him as hard as she could, trying desperately to make up for all the lost time. They tore away from each other for a moment, gasping for breath before they reunited their lips. The kiss became sensual, gentle, slow.

This kiss…it was nothing like any of the others they had shared before. It was filled with a sense of completion and…rightness.

And for once, there wasn't an underlying sense of guilt.

Soon, they once again found themselves out of breath. Eagerly, Jesse picked Rachel up by the waist and laid her back down on the bed, climbing on top of her. Rachel's heart beat quickened as she became uncomfortably aware that Jesse couldn't seem to stop touching her. Pining Rachel's wrists above her head, Jesse brought his lips roughly to hers. But it wasn't right anymore. His kiss was…too harsh…too passionate…

Disconcerted, Rachel frowned a bit and tried to pull away, suddenly shaken out of the brief moment of passion they had just shared. She looked away from Jesse, squirming a bit in his hold.

To be honest, it was weird. Jesse hadn't acted quite this…sexual…with Rachel in a long time. She had practically forgotten what it was like.

Rachel squirmed uneasily and after a moment's thought, attempted to kiss Jesse back with the same vigor. After all, this was what she wanted all along… this was what it used to be like…this was right…

_Right? _

And yet, Rachel couldn't help but feel small. Frightened. Weak. She panicked a bit as she felt Jesse's hand wandering underneath her shirt.

Everything was just happening too fast. She wasn't ready to be subjected to this kind of intimacy again. Not yet at least.

This intimacy required a kind of trust that Rachel had only just started to rebuild.

* * *

Jesse felt as Rachel's body began to shake underneath his touch.

Processing this response, he jumped away from her, his eyes widening as he recognized the folly of his actions. It finally occurred to Jesse that Rachel wasn't quite as eager or as **ready** as him to start back up at the same place they had left off.

Ashamed, he turned away from Rachel and tossed his legs over the side of her bed. Disgusted with himself, Jesse leaned over and put his head in his hands.

She was just so…delicate. Why had he **ever** thought that he could mess with her emotions like that? Within one week he had rejected her and accepted her multiple times. Of course there was only so much that she could take, a certain point that it became too much to handle. The funny thing was, this had been one of the first honest moments he had had with her in a long time. Somehow, the positive events of yesterday had processed as a go-ahead to pursue his selfish desires.

Jesse frowned in reflection.

It had taken him less than 24 hours to mess things up again…it had to be a personal record.

* * *

The silence was deathly.

Rachel shifted awkwardly, very much aware that Jesse was beating himself up in his head. She looked down at her hands, frowning a bit. Why did it seem that every time things seemed to be going right, something bad had to happen?

One moment. One moment was all it took to break down what had taken months to build…

_No._

She wasn't going to let this happen. She wasn't going to let awkwardness sink in and cloud their true feelings for each other.

Tentatively, Rachel reached across the bed and pulled a surprised Jesse back towards her. Smiling, she took his head between her hands and softly brushed her lips against his. The kiss was more for his reassurance than anything but, relieved, Rachel found herself enjoying it. She drew away and smiled shyly at the father of her child. After pausing for a moment, Jesse slid back across the bed and pulled her to him. Rachel resisted momentarily before she timidly leaned into his chest and allowed him to wrap his arms around her in a familiar, warm embrace.

Jesse could hardly hold back a sigh of relief.

"Sorry."

Rachel smiled a bit, adjusting herself, trying to create a bit of distance, "It's alright."

He was close…normally she wouldn't have minded but after what had just happened…it was too close.

Rachel twisted out of his arms, finding it an easier feat to accomplish than before. Gently, she laid back down on her bedframe and looked quietly at Jesse, giving him a small smile.

"So what'd you come over here for?" Rachel asked, attempting a light-hearted tone in an effort to change the atmosphere.

"Wanted to see you," Jesse winked, grabbing Rachel's hand as he looked down uncertainly, "and…I was just wondering…what was next."

Rachel nodded a bit, "Yeah me too."

The atmosphere changed once again and silence settled in between them. Nothing could be heard, not even the muffled sounds of Gregory St. James preparing breakfast the floor below. And yet, it was comfortable.

"You know, I can't ask you to be a part of the baby's life even…even if I do decide to keep it…" Rachel began quietly, her eyes locked on the ceiling.

Jesse's gaze went foggy as he fell deep into thought. Of course it was something he'd never admit, but he was scared. He was so scared that he was even scared of how scared he was. A slight smiled played his lips as he realized how pathetic that was. However, the smile was short lived. He couldn't help it…he tried, but he couldn't. There was just a little nagging part of him that wanted to run. And when Rachel spoke about him not having to take responsibility, he couldn't help but want, just a little bit, to take that easy way out.

But as Jesse stared at her, as he stared at the woman carrying his child, he instantly regretted his thoughts.

"No," Jesse shook his head.

Rachel smiled widely, grinning from ear to ear. He smiled back at her, noticing the glow that was emanating from her.

"Well," Rachel spoke very slowly, unable to stifle her grin, "if…we…do keep the baby, then I guess we're going to have to start getting ready for him."

As Rachel uttered her last word, a switch went off in both of the teenager's heads.

"Ohh –," Jesse started shaking his head.

"We forgot!" Rachel interrupted Jesse mid-sigh, throwing her hands up and instantly regretting it as she felt a sudden, unexpected stab of pain in her back.

Rachel frowned, silenced for a moment as she bent forward and massaged her lower back.

"I can't believe –" Jesse stopped midway through his sentence as he noticed Rachel's distress. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Rachel waved her hand, "it's nothing."

Jesse nodded his head slowly, registering.

Rachel began awkwardly, talking quickly as she avoided eye contact with Jesse, "Yeah, but…the baby. I – I mean that was the whole reason that we went. Well, part of the reason but still –"

Jesse watched her, his expression blank.

"Sorry," Rachel shook her head, her voice quiet as she looked down, tucking a dark strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm rambling."

Jesse sat, unmoving, his eyes locked intensely upon hers as a slight smile played his lips.

"It's ok," he replied, reaching across the bed to grab Rachel's hand, "but are you sure you're alright?"

Rachel nodded, "Yeah, it was nothing…really."

Jesse nodded quietly.

For a second, everything was quiet. And then, an idea popped into Rachel's head.

"How about we go back today? I mean, I have no homework and I imagine that business is slow on a Sunday. We can call! See if Sophie has any extra time."

Jesse smiled, "Yeah, that's a great idea but…I don't think I can go. I actually…do have homework."

"Oh," Rachel's expression fell, "we can go some other time then."

Jesse paused for a moment before shaking his head, "No…no. You go. I can stay, it's alright."

"No, I can't let you –"

"Yes, you can," Jesse replied.

"Really?"

"Really."

Rachel paused for a second, perplexed before she slowly nodded head, "Ok, then. I'll – I'll call you as soon as I figure out."

"Sounds good."

"Sounds good," she repeated, biting her lower lip as she gave Jesse's hand a slight squeeze.

* * *

Rachel entered into the spotless, off-white reception room tentatively, unsure of herself as she slowly closed the glass door.

"Rachel!"

Her head shot up.

"Sophie!" The corners of Rachel's mouth instantly curved up into a smile.

The young woman grinned back at the girl, waving brightly at her as she proceeded to walk over. She was clad in a pair of too-tight jeans, tennis shoes and a long sleeve burgundy top. Her dirty blonde hair was pulled back into a messy pony-tail and over her shoulder she carried a small, juvenile crescent moon shaped bag. As she walked over, her purse somehow managed to slip off of her shoulder and onto the floor. Rachel laughed awkwardly, running a hand up her forearm as she waited for Sophie to regain her composure and grip on her belongings.

Sophie smiled apologetically as she walked over to Rachel, "Yeah, that's me in a nutshell. I'm too careless for my own good." After some thought, she added, "And clumsy. You know, one time I broke two bones in one day…at separate times."

Rachel nodded awkwardly, smiling a bit.

Sophie laughed, taking a deep breath as she spoke, "So, what brings you here today? I didn't think you were scheduled for today, I was just heading out."

Rachel shook her head and just as she was about to reply, Sophie interrupted.

"You know, you better not be seeing another tech," her eyes narrowed lightheartedly. "If it's Jaime I will personally kick your ass."

Rachel laughed, a bit weirded out by Sophie's over-friendliness, and yet also a bit appreciative for it.

"Oh shoot," Rachel's hand made impact with her forehead as she came to another realization, "I forgot to call, didn't I?"

Sophie's puzzled look was confirmation.

"Well, I just realized this morning that Jesse and I forgot to ask you to figure out the gender of this little one." Rachel paused, looking down at her protruding belly with tentative affection before she continued speaking, "And I was wondering if you maybe, **maybe** had time to do that now…?"

"Well, I was just about to head out –" Sophie started but stopped as she met Rachel's eyes, "You know what, I can fire up the machine. It'll take all of 15, 20 minutes. Come on."

Rachel smiled appreciatively and quietly followed Sophie as she walked up to the receptionist. She gestured to the tiny brunette manning the desk. The girl smiled distractedly and nodded back at her. Rachel trailed Sophie as she led her through the back hallways of the clinic and into an increasingly familiar room.

Silently, Sophie turned on the ultrasound system. She took a second to assure that the monitor was firing up before she turned around and smiled.

"It's going to take a while for the old thing to get going."

Rachel nodded.

"So do you know what you're doing? Pregnancy? Adoption? ... Abortion?" Sophie asked, nodding gently at Rachel's stomach.

Rachel swallowed and looked away for an instant. She paused before replying honestly, "You know every time I think I figure something out, something gets in the way, be it my emotions, something Jesse says or something someone else says for that matter. I just…over-analyze everything, you know? I can't figure anything out. It's…frustrating."

Sophie nodded quietly, staring at Rachel blankly as thoughts raced through her head.

"Ahh," Rachel looked away, shaking her head, "sorry for dumping all that on you."

"Hey, I know I'm a little too open now and then," Sophie began quietly, a bit of insecurity shadowing her normally confident personality. "Hell, if I'm being honest it's more like all the time."

The two girls laughed weakly.

Sophie licked her lips and continued a bit more seriously, "Part of that's just me…but part of that's…"

Sophie trailed off, looking away for a moment as the past fogged her vision.

"I'm like you, Rachel," Sophie's whisper was practically inaudible, "I was…I am a statistic."

"You were a teenage mother?" Rachel's voice was equally soft.

Sophie swallowed, looking away and closing her eyes tightly as she replied, "Not exactly. No."

Rachel nodded quietly, content with leaving it at that. However, when Sophie's eyes opened, Rachel was surprised to see tears glistening in them.

"Oh my god," Rachel whispered as it dawned upon her.

The elephant in the room was irrefutable.

"You –?" Rachel's voice cracked, full of despair, as she began a question of which she wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to.

Swallowing tears, Sophie nodded, forcing out a single word, "Yep."

As the two were both overcome by thought, a stiff silence settled in the room. Rachel looked down at her hands, trying to fathom what could have possibly persuaded someone as sweet and motherly as Sophie to abort a child. It just didn't make any sense. Sophie didn't seem like the type. As she glanced up and saw the devastating sorrow reflecting back at her, she finally grasped how much of a tragedy it really was.

Sophie, however, was incredibly uncomfortably, looking anywhere but Rachel as to avoid her piteous stare. She felt pathetic, as if Rachel was staring through her soul, judging her every inch of the way. She opened her mouth to speak but she couldn't form a word.

"Can I..." Rachel paused gently, meeting Sophie's green-eyed gaze, "ask you why?"

After an instant, Sophie nodded, swallowing as she replied, "Yeah."

Rachel watched Sophie carefully. She looked so vulnerable that Rachel found herself almost unable to recognize the young woman standing before her.

Sophie started to speak but stopped abruptly, shaking her head, "It's – it's a long story."

Rachel glanced over at the machine. Sophie followed Rachel's gaze and when their eyes met, Sophie looked down for an instant.

"You know, I actually just don't want to dump all this on you –"

"Sophie," Rachel stopped her, "It's alright. I've been dumping all my shit on people lately that I feel like I owe it to someone."

Sophie smiled a bit and turned, sitting down on the mattress.

"His name was Brandon. Brandon Morris."

Rachel gave her a puzzled look.

The…father, if you can even call him that," Sophie explained. "He was 17 and I was almost 16. And we were in love."

As Sophie watched a smile grow on Rachel's face, she shook her head and looked away.

"Who am I kidding. He wasn't in love with me," She shrugged acceptingly. "I was in love with him. He was my first love. First kiss. First…everything."

Rachel stood quietly and walked over to Sophie and after a moment of hesitation, sat down beside to her.

"And you know, it was perfect for a while, like it always is."

After a moment of comfortable silence, the girl's eyes glazed over as she went back to a time and place that she hadn't visited in a long, long time.

"Rachel," Sophie began seriously, turning towards the girl beside her, "what you have to understand is that I didn't come from Lima. I came from a…bad place."

She looked away, sighing as she grit her teeth.

"I experienced a lot of things I probably never should have," Sophie shrugged, her eyes locked on the floor. "Getting pregnant was one, I guess. Another was being…hurt…by – by the father for not getting an abortion."

Rachel's jaw dropped. "You mean he…hit you?"

Sophie bit her lip, nodding as she furiously blinked away the tears, "Y– yeah."

"Sophie, I'm so, **so** sorry," Rachel said, her tone quiet and full of sympathy.

Sophie shrugged, licking her lips as she noticed her mouth go dry, "It's ok. It's not like it was your fault. And I'm over it. Seems like forever ago."

Sophie closed her eyes tightly.

"I'm just…not over," she looked sadly at Rachel, "what he made me do."

Rachel didn't notice until a tear trickled down her cheek that she was crying. She watched Sophie carefully, not fully realizing until that point in time how truly fortunate she was. Yeah, life would be a hell of a lot easier if she hadn't gotten pregnant, but at least the father of her child didn't beat her.

"He used to shout and … yell at me," Sophie continued, tearing through Rachel's train of thought. "We broke up, of course. And I told him, no…no abortion. Wasn't going to happen. I'm religious. But he kept coming around."

"But what about your parents?" Rachel asked, tilting her head as she discreetly wiped the tears from underneath her eyes.

"Parent." Sophie replied, attempting a smile. "And he didn't like to stay home most nights, preferred…the bar, you know."

Rachel nodded. She looked down quietly at her hands, thinking.

"So, Brandon would come over almost every night and threaten me. But it didn't work …even though he hit me and pulled my hair, I wouldn't give in." Sophie took a deep, shaky breath before smiling sadly, "until one night, he said he'd kill the baby himself if I didn't do it."

Sophie's stopped abruptly, turning away as her lip trembled, silent tears pouring over the edge. She bit her hand to prevent a heart wrenching sob from escaping her lips. Her throat convulsed as she swallowed a cry.

Rachel tilted her head to the side, frowning as she patted Sophie comfortingly on the back. She couldn't help holding back tears as she watched Sophie fight against her own.

The woman closed her eyes tightly as she turned her head slightly, pursing her lips, "And so I did it…I'll never, ever forgive myself. You know, I was 20 weeks then. I – I guess I let the fear take over. I was so, so scared. And weak."

"Sophie…"

She cut Rachel off, "I remember it as if it were yesterday…doubt I'll ever forget…I don't think I could in good conscience."

Sophie sighed and looked up at the ceiling, losing herself in the past as she became plagued by her memories...

* * *

_The room was cold, so cold. Even the floors felt icy upon Sophie's bare feet. The doors were white. The walls were white. The ceiling the white. The ground was white. The entire room felt like an empty canvas. Even the sky outside the perfectly spotless glass window was blank and cloudy. _

_She couldn't recall the last time she had been someplace that cold._

_The doctor said something but it completely slipped by her. He seemed perfectly friendly and kind but his warmth passed her by. She couldn't be touched where she was.  
_

_Of course, the equipment had been perfectly sterilized and as Sophie neared the operating table, the instruments glinted at her tauntingly. _

_Her heart was racing, her palms were sweating. But there was no need to worry. It was all a dream, a nightmare, she would wake up soon and then it would all be over…_

_Right?_

_What the hell was she doing?…she had no clue. All she knew was that she wanted out. She wanted out of that room and that procedure as much as the child inside of her did. As Sophie laid down on the table, her head began to throb with anxiety. It was as if she could hear the desperate pleas of her unborn child. _

_Delaney…oh Delaney_

_She wanted out too. She also wanted freedom from this cold room. She wanted away. _

_She wanted life. _

_Everything seemed frozen and unreal as the doctor administered the medication. After a minute or so, the world became suddenly obscure and numb. She watched dizzily as the doctor readied his equipment. Sophie wondered calmly how many times he had done this exact procedure. Did he ever give a thought when he took a life? Was it even a life that was being taken? _

_And yet somehow, even as she slipped away, Sophie felt no different than she had the entire day – lost, broken and guilty. _

I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. _It was her last waking thought._

* * *

Sophie turned towards Rachel, searching desperately for a reaction. She found the girl looking as equally miserable as she herself felt inside. In some way, it was comforting. Both of girls shared everything in that one moment. Their faces were stained with tears, their eyes red and puffy and their emotional situations were completely relatable. Rachel couldn't comprehend the agony the girl beside her must be feeling and Sophie couldn't comprehend how in the hell she was handling it.

"Do you know how they abort babies at 20 weeks, Rachel?" Sophie whispered.

Rachel didn't reply. Instead, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and shook her head silently, not trusting her voice to relay the message.

"It's a process called Dilation and Evacuation." Sophie replied timidly, her voice breaking, "I didn't know what it…involved…until after the procedure. And God help me if I had known…"

Sophie trailed off, leaving the rest up to Rachel's speculation.

"It's – it's terrible, Rachel. It's just fucking disgusting what they do. It's sadistic," Sophie's voice intensified, the volume increasing as her sorrow mixed with anger.

"And I can't believe that I let it happen to my baby," she broke off, her voice nothing more than a whisper as it became muffled by the sobs she was trying desperately to hold back.

Stifling a cry, Sophie continued, "First, they take this…instrument called a catheter and they stick it up your vagina and suck out all the amniotic fluid – essentially dilating the passageway to create easier access to the baby. And after that…"

Sophie stopped sharply, breathing in and out slowly as to calm herself before she continued.

"After that, it's practically a blind procedure. I don't even know how it's possible to think up something so crude… All I know is that I want to murder the dipshit who thought up the damn thing!"

The tears were gone now. Her mouth was dry, as was her tone. Each word followed the other slowly. She spoke flatly, void of all emotion as she explained the process with a seemingly icy disinterest.

"It's called a sopher clamp and it's murder weapon," Sophie explained. "It's used for the evacuation part of the process."

"Now, I don't how to explain this without wanting to throw up, hell I don't know how anyone else could," Sophie whispered, her tone raising as she bordered hysterics, "so excuse me, if I break down into tears."

Sophie swallowed, her eye twitching in anger as she whispered, "So basically they take that –that Sopher clamp and at random…they tear bits of the baby's body off at random. Babys too big by now to be taken out in one go so they continue doing that, ripping off an arm, a leg, an organ until nothing but the head is left."

Sophie's chest heaved up and down, more out of venom than anguish. Rachel watched on in horror as tears streamed down her face, unsure of why her heart was beating so.

"How can somebody **do** that?" Sophie hissed, clawing the mattress beneath her, "It's nauseating. And you know, they can't even take out the head nice and simply like they did with all the other body parts. Why? Cause it doesn't fit. They have to crush it, Rachel, **crush** the head while it's still inside of you before they can pull it out."

Sophie stopped, trembling with anger. She shut her eyes tightly, swallowing her fury.

"That was how they did it, Rachel. That was how they killed my baby," Sophie whispered, shaking, "my Delaney."

And that right there…that was her breaking point. Tears began to cascade down Sophie's face as she buried her head into Rachel's shoulder, shaking with her pathetic tears. Her small framed heaved up and down as her body was racked with sobs.

Rachel, shocked out of feeling, pat Sophie's head comfortingly. She was disconnected, sick to her stomach. Protectively, she laid her free hand over Baby.

After a minute, Rachel spoke, wiping her own tears, "Do you need anything?"

Sophie froze for a second before lifting her head and rubbing her eyes.

"No," she shook her head, "no I don't. Thank you anyways. I'm alright. And I'm so sorry I broke down on you like this. I just haven't talked about it in so long…"

"Hey, it's alright," Rachel smiled gently, "thank you for telling me."

Sophie nodded, "Yeah, no problem."

And then, the silence that had become so familiar to them as of late settled in.

"You know, you remind me of myself when I was your age."

"Wasn't that long ago," Rachel teased, a slight grin playing her lips.

Sophie's smile was tight as she replied seriously, "Well, I was a lot different back then."

"Oh. Yeah."

Silence.

"You know, I have forgiven myself…for the most part," Sophie started. "And I'm in a really good place now, I really am. And I mean, I still talk to her every day."

Rachel raised an eyebrow, baffled.

"Her as in my baby… my Delaney," she clarified. "And I know she's listening. It means angel from heaven, her name. I think it suits her."

"It's perfect," Rachel's voice was small, unlike her smile.

"Yeah, it is," Sophie replied, looking at the floor vacantly as she nodded slowly in agreement.

Sophie sighed, "You know I wish I had another chance. I wish I could do it over again. I wish I could've had Delaney. I wish I could've been a mother and raised her. I just have so many things I want to tell her…and teach her. But that'll never happen."

"So, do me a favor, Rachel," Sophie began, her throat choking up again as she began to speak, "and if you do keep your baby, be the mother that I wish I could've been and realize how lucky you are, because for some of us, that's all we've ever wanted."

Rachel nodded, grabbing the hand of the girl beside her and squeezing it tightly in reassurance. As the tears showered down both of their faces, they shared a moment in perfect harmony. A moment that was beautiful in an absolutely tragic sort of way.

Finally, Rachel stood, facing Sophie.

She swallowed her tears and wiped her eyes before whispering, "Why did you tell me all of this? We barely even know each other."

Sophie shrugged timidly, placing a hand on Rachel's shoulder as she stood, "That's the point."

* * *

_When Sophie left the hospital in the morning, she had lost the physical weight, and yet she found herself even more burdened than ever. It was the emotional baggage that stayed with her, that weighed her down and she knew the moment she regained consciousness that it would never, __**ever**__ go away. _

* * *

**Ahhh…so how was that? Long? Yeah, I know ;)**

**I'm pro-life so this is just my little way of trying to make a difference. Don't get mad at me or leave angry reviews, I'm not trying to force my beliefs down anyone's throat and I have no judgments if you have ever gotten an abortion. I just want to do what I can to educate people about abortion – particularly Dilation and Evacuation. I've researched this very thoroughly so I can guarantee you that none of it is made up. D&E is a very common 2****nd**** – 3****rd**** trimester abortion method. Sometimes, women don't even go under when they have this operation done. I wasn't sure I could write such an emotionally scarring experience so I had Sophie unconscious for the experience. **

**Yeah, so sorry if this is a bit…angsty…**

**Another reason this was such a bad experience for Sophie was that she didn't want to get it done and that was what made it so awful. I'm not saying that every abortion is like this at all, so don't get all mad at me!  
**

**By the way, this chapter was titled after Nick Cannon's "Can I Live?" - go listen to it and watch the music video. It's powerful.  
**

**Leave a review? It'd mean a lot :) Tell me what you think about Sophie or about the awkward situation that happened between Rachel and Jesse**

**-SpringSinger**


	20. Chapter 20: The Club Chorus Café

**DISCLAIMER: oh hell to the (NO – see what I did there? haha) disclaimer, I was right! Jesse did come back!(: Best day ever. Except I'm kind of depressed about the fact that Rachel doesn't want to take him back…and that Rachel and Finn are in love now…Rachel&Jesse forever(;**

**Ok, anyways, here we go! And…yes, I am going to be a little meaner and postpone the gender mystery for another chapter(;**

**-SpringSinger**

* * *

It was 12 o'clock sharp on that same Sunday when Jesse St. James arrived at the colorful, one-of-a-kind street café in downtown Findlay, Ohio. 1 block away from Carmel High, The Club Chorus Café was two stories tall and a popular destination for Carmel students and, in particular, members of their famous show choir, Vocal Adrenaline.

Jesse pushed past the large glass doors, being jostled slightly as people exited the café with not a moment to spare, ready to continue on with their busy lives. He quickly stepped out of the way of the crowd and into an empty, safe corner. He leaned back slightly against the carmine walls, surveying his surroundings.

The café was jam-packed, every inch filled with either people or cushioned papasan bar stools and tiny crimson tables. Edgy decor left barely more than inch of wall space exposed. The ceiling was high and, in contrast to the shading of the walls, bleached white. Two aluminum spiraling staircases were situated on opposite sides of the room, both leading to the cozy upstairs section of the café, full of picture windows and Wi-Fi outlets.

Taking one more searching glance around the café, Jesse shut his eyes and took a deep, calming breath – in through the nose and out through the mouth. In one moment, his busy mind had whisked him away.

As he relaxed, a sliver of guilt trickled through his core and settled in his stomach.

He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be at the clinic…with Rachel.

And the baby.

Jesse was overwhelmed by a mix of emotions as a hot wave of guilt washed over him. Frustrated, he massaged his temples, his heart beating faster as he tried desperately to figure out what he was feeling.

And then, he found it.

At first, he was unable to recognize what the emotion was as he hadn't felt it in a while. It had become unfamiliar to him in these past few, numb months. This colorful emotion was just something he couldn't put his finger on…

Anger.

As soon as Jesse came upon that conclusion, he quickly found himself denying it.

Who was he to be angry?

… But then again, who was Rachel to expect him to give up everything that ever mattered to him on such short notice?

_It was so unfair. _Thinking that made him feel like a child again, but he just couldn't help it. This wasn't something that was supposed to happen to him. It wasn't his time.

Jesse's balled his hands into fists. These thoughts were not unfamiliar. They had plagued him a thousand times before and likely would a thousand times more.

After 18 years, Jesse assumed he knew a lot more about life than he actually did. The lesson "you can't always get what you want" had been drilled into his mind at an early age and he thought that he accepted the truth of it long ago.

But now, Jesse was almost deliberately ignoring this common sense. He wanted **alone** time, time for himself. He wanted to do what teenagers do – hang out with friends, go to parties, get drunk and the like. Nearing the end of senior year, his time for this sort of frivolity was already limited enough without a pregnancy involved.

However, even as angry and frustrated as he was, he still felt a bit guilty. And it was that guilt that triggered the lie he fed Rachel.

It wasn't that this all wasn't real enough - now that his and Rachel's parents knew – but every time Jesse thought it couldn't get any scarier, it did. Every advancement, every step forward in this process was another step towards the end of his childhood, and that scared the hell out of him.

The anger – that consuming anger...it came from the fear.

A fierce, persistent vibrating tore him from his thoughts. Reaching into his pocket, Jesse quickly snapped open the black flip screen of his cell phone. He took no more than a second to glance at the name on the screen before bringing the phone to his ear.

"Chris. Hey. Where are you guys?"

A deep baritone voice replied, "Upstairs. Far right corner, right by the window."

"K," Jesse answered, nodding his head as his head snapped towards the stairs, "I'll be there in a second."

Jesse shut his phone without waiting for a response and began to make his way through the bustling crowd and maze of tables. He climbed the metal stairway slowly, taking heavy steps as he tried to push the guilt and anger away. There was no turning back now.

As soon as Jesse made his way fully upstairs, he heard a shout and a squeal. His head snapped to the right. There, he saw four familiar individuals. Just as he glanced over, one of the three girls looked up and their eyes met. They held eye-contact for a painful moment before the dark-haired girl looked directly away. Embarrassed and distracted, Jesse ran a hand through his hair. Looking down, he was caught completely off-guard as a slim, brown haired girl jumped onto him, latching her legs around his waist as she flung her arms around his neck. Staggering, Jesse regained his balance quickly and after a moment, awkwardly patted the girl on the back. He glanced up, meeting an indignant stare. Swallowing uncomfortably, he placed the other girl back onto the ground and backed away.

Biting her lip playfully, the girl grinned at him, "I missed you, Jesse."

Jesse flashed her a perfectly mastered (and perfectly fake) smile, "You too, Giselle."

Satisfied at his response, Giselle turned her back to her friends, winking at him as she grabbed his wrist, dragging him over to the table where the star members of Vocal Adrenaline sat waiting.

As he was hauled over, he was given the opportunity to process the faces of those waiting patiently for his arrival.

Jesse's eyes first fell on his best friend – Chris Blair. His hair was dark and curly and his skin was pale as snow. At 24 years old, he was the oldest senior to ever grace the halls of Carmel High – his knack for triple back flips playing no small part in his routine inability to pass Algebra 2. A nostalgic smile spread widely across Jesse's face as memories of the two came rushing back. Slipping Dakota Stanley laxatives after he called an insane 15 hour dance rehearsal, sneaking into the Carmel High auditorium after hours, working their way to the top of VA – no, this was a man he was likely never to forget. For a moment, just a moment, Jesse felt like a kid again.

God… he had missed that motherfucker.

Chris' face split into an earsplitting grin as he stood and slapped his best friend on the back. "Jesse St. James. Where the **hell** have you been?"

Refusing to let his thoughts wander, Jesse replied – unable to remember why he had left in the first place, "Purgatory?"

His best friend snorted, "That sounds about right. Cuz there isn't any other place that I could forgive you for being. We've needed you."

Coming up beside Jesse, Giselle slapped Chris on the stomach, glaring at him before turning and smiling sweetly at Jesse.

"Vocal Adrenaline has been fine," she reassured him quickly before changing her demeanor completely and bringing her body close to his as she played with the buttons on his shirt. "Don't make any assumptions. We've got Nationals in the bag."

Jesse nodded uncomfortably, feeling awkward about the girl's proximity and his changed loyalties…and responsibilities…Slowly, he pushed Giselle away, flickering an uneasy look at his companions as he sat down by Chris and dark, smiley Shoshandra. Across from them were the two other girls, a newly situated Giselle and…Andrea Cohen.

Jesse couldn't help but catch the accusing stare Andrea was shooting at him. Such a look normally wouldn't have bothered him, but the connotations of this particular one upset him.

Andrea Cohen had been his girlfriend for 13 months last year and his best friend for years before that. They had bonded in freshmen year over Vocal Adrenaline auditions and were inseparable ever since – that was, until the end of junior year.

His actions at that party still ashamed him to this very day. He had been a different person back then – exceeding cocky and immature, concerned only with one person: himself. He had blamed hooking up with Giselle on the alcohol but truly, it had been an action that was preceded by weeks of shameless flirting. Although he denied it, Jesse always knew that if he had rejected Giselle from day one – none of it would have happened. Cheating on Andrea had been his biggest regret…that is until he got Rachel pregnant. Still, he liked to blame it on Giselle. Not that she wasn't at fault, but Jesse was definitely to blame as well. What had he expected? That she would never figure out? No. It was inevitable.

They broke up a week later.

Realizing that he was staring back at her, Jesse looked away quickly from her piercing gaze and turned to the tiny Filipino beside him.

"Shoshandra," Jesse said, playing with her name in his mouth as if it was a candy he didn't want to swallow just yet.

"Jesse," the girl replied a bit shyly, laughing as he threw his arms around her. "Where have you been for the past few months?"

"Missing that high F of yours," Jesse replied boyishly giving Shoshandra a wink.

She shoved him letting out a giggle before her complexion turned a tad serious, "I'm afraid to say it's been getting a bit rusty as of late."

Jesse frowned, blinking, "How come?"

Shoshandra opened her mouth, about to reply when Giselle gave her a sharp kick from underneath the table. Making a quiet cry of protest, Shoshandra drew her legs back, scowling.

Awkwardly, Jesse paused, waiting for Shoshandra to continue. When she didn't, he turned back to Chris, "So are you being failed another year or is this your last?"

Chris shook his head, smiling a little sadly, "Nope. This is my last year at Carmel. Shelby recruited some new kid from Asia. He's like this … insane gymnast who only speaks Korean. Guess they don't need me anymore."

Jesse nodded, "Looks like we'll be graduating together, buddy."

Chris laughed. "I'll go to yours if you go to mine."

"Done."

"Wait," Andrea's voice chimed for the first time, "so does this mean you're not coming back?"

Jesse blinked; he hadn't heard that voice in so long that he found himself distracted from the actual, hazardous question for a few moments. Looking up, he saw their expectant gazes and was brought back to reality.

"Uh…no," he replied slowly, looking down as he rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms against one another.

"Why?" Giselle cried out despairingly, earning a disbelieving look from Andrea.

Jesse froze, unsure of how to proceed. What was he to say? How could he explain? Should he tell the truth or feed them some bullshit lie like he did everyone else?

_Breathe. _He reminded himself.

"I – I can't…because," Jesse began hesitantly, "because of Rachel."

"Rachel Berry?" Shoshandra asked, her tiny face twisted into a look of confusion.

"Yeah…" Jesse began slowly, "she's pregnant…and…I'm the father."

Looking up, he saw two reflecting expressions from Andrea and Giselle. He could tell they were affronted, upset, even horrified. However – while Giselle's countenance changed into one of anger, Andrea translated injury.

Although Jesse had never had sex with Giselle, he couldn't say the same for Andrea. He was her first and she was his. And at her reaction, he could tell that it had been more sentimental to her than it had to him.

"Why would **you** have sex with **her**?" Giselle pouted.

He cast her a scornful look.

"Giselle," Chris began slowly, his face impassive, "I don't think that's the issue right now."

"Pregnant." Shoshandra whispered disbelievingly.

"It just happened…" Jesse replied lamely, unable to take his eyes of Andrea.

"And are you keeping it?" Chris continued calmly.

Jesse paused. "Yeah…yeah I – I think she…we might."

At that, Andrea stood, her jaw clenched tightly as she replied, "We need to go. We have rehearsal in 15 minutes."

Giselle opened her mouth, about to say something until she seemingly changed her mind and stood. Locking arms with her friend, she threw Jesse a contemptuous look before marching out, towing Andrea alongside.

"They'll get over it," Shoshandra assured him, "and I'm sorry…or congratulations. Shoot. I – I'm not sure what to say. Good luck, I guess…"

Standing awkwardly, Shoshandra started after the girls before turning around and adding, "We really do miss you, Jesse. Call me sometime and we can actually catch up."

And with that, she was gone.

"Wow, some friends they are," Chris began, frowning. "Sorry about them."

"No, it's alright," Jesse shrugged, trying to obscure his disappointment, "I get it."

For a moment, they were consumed by silence.

"When is he…or she due?" Chris asked quietly.

Jesse frowned, "I – I'm not sure. Probably sometime in…October or November."

"So what does that mean about UCLA?"

Jesse laughed bitterly, "Do you really think Shelby let me have that scholarship when I decided to stay with New Directions? She did a hell of a lot of bad-mouthing. They even revoked my acceptance."

Chris grimaced. "I'm sorry. Why didn't you ever call me? Or tell me any of this?"

Jesse paused, caught off-guard, "I don't know. It took me a while to accept it myself. Even now, I don't think I have fully."

Chris was quiet.

"I never thought this was how you'd turn out."

Jesse nodded, unable to speak.

They sat together – consumed in a moment of silence as their thoughts took them far away from the present.

"Hey, listen," Chris began, "I hate to do this but I really do have to go. You know how Shelby is. If I don't get there on time, she'll have me rehearsing till midnight."

Jesse nodded knowingly, "Nah, it's alright. Go."

Chris stood grabbing his wallet from the table before turning back to Jesse, "But really. We're still best friends, Jesse. Call me if you ever need to talk."

Jesse smiled, "Thanks."

"Anytime, broski."

Jesse sat in the café for a while. Thinking…just thinking. Perhaps this encounter had been for the better…

Jesse smiled. He didn't feel quite as guilty anymore.

* * *

**Ahh! Finally. I've been working on this chapter for way too long. Hope you enjoyed it! Leave a review, why dontcha?(; **

_**[[[[[Ok so – I'd like to quickly address an issue recently made known to me by Strange and Intoxicating -rsa-. Sai has informed me that author candyflossgirl here at has plagiarized a few lines here and there from my story. It's not a big deal. It's just a couple spots from the first few chapters and I don't think it was intentional. This saddens me :( but I have been in contact with her and I have agreed not to pursue deletion. She is making edits so I am all good. I just wanted to let you guys know just in case you noticed yourself. I want to be able to put this away and not cause any more conflict than there has been. It had been dealt with. Everything is all good!(:]]]]]**_

**And by the way, thanks for all the support! I love you guys so much.  
**

**-SpringSinger**


	21. Chapter 21: That's What It Is

**DISCLAIMER: - I am so sick of these. But yeah, sure, Glee isn't mine. **

**AHHH! Chapter 21(: I can't believe how far we've come. ENJOY!(: **

**Sorry for the wait, loves. I was just finding it hard to write and find inspiration. **

**-SpringSinger19**

**PS: Wanna follow my new twitter account for updates/spoilers on upcoming chapters? Please?(:**

* * *

Rachel Berry had been twelve years old when she first held a newborn in her arms.

Her aunt Abigail was thirty-two at the time, giving birth to the child out of wedlock.

It had actually been quite the scandal in her family. In fact, one of Rachel's most prominent memories of her twelfth year was the disquieting lecture Leroy had given her about how she was never to follow suit.

Obviously, the results of that conversation hadn't been quite what he hoped for.

It had been a quiet, chilly morning in mid-December and the only people present had been Rachel's fathers and herself. The windows of the hospital were all slightly frosted over, reflecting the frigid demeanor of the hospital staff. The floor was ice cold, a perfect likeness to the expression on Leroy's face.

After staying the entire night, Rachel remembered being barely awake when she and her fathers were escorted to the birthing suite. Abigail had gone through labor earlier but it wasn't until four hours later that Rachel and her family had been allowed to visit her.

Abigail's face was still flushed bright red hours later. She didn't seem quite present as Hiram and Leroy made their way to her bedside, making polite small talk. As Rachel observed from the doorway, she noticed an unfamiliar glint in the woman's eye.

For some reason, she almost felt as if she was staring at an entirely different woman.

There was a rough knock from behind Rachel's head that made her jump and move away from the door. Two clean-cut, blank faced nurses came in with a cleaned off and very plump baby boy.

As she made eye-contact with the innocent, blue-eyed creature, an unfamiliar ache shot through her. It was a feeling that she had never experienced before.

She watched the child with great concern, and an overwhelming maternal instinct that she didn't know she had, as the nurses handed the baby to her aunt.

There was just something about the way that the baby was looking at his mother and the way that his mother was looking at him. It was just such a raw love...such a connection. It made Rachel a little jealous.

And then there was the way that the baby was looking about the room with such curiosity and fascination. This was all new to the child, Rachel realized. The naivety and innocence melted her. There was such honesty in the way the baby acted. He didn't hide behind any masks of false emotion. The way he looked and acted was the way he was. Even at the young age of twelve, Rachel couldn't help but wish that she was the same.

As she watched her aunt cooing to the baby, she was surprised to find herself wishing that it was herself instead.

There was an incredible connection between mother and child that the starved young girl couldn't help but long for.

She wanted to be a guide to the child, help him to keep his innocence and his eye on the good in life. She wanted little Charlie Berry to be a good person and she wanted to help him become just that.

And it was this ache, this want to love and be loved that Rachel felt the day she learned the gender of her baby.

She could remember it perfectly.

After being in a rush to get back to the clinic, Sophie calmed her down like she always did with a crooked smile and sunny attitude. She led her into the familiar room accompanied by a constant stream of chatter although Rachel could barely focus, she was so nervous.

She didn't exactly know why...why she was nervous that is. She had done this multiple times before. It wasn't anything new.

Sophie squirted the ultrasonic gel onto Rachel's swelling middle. Taking a deep breath, the pregnant girl shut her eyes tightly and waited.

"Ok," Sophie began, suddenly very businesslike, "let's see here."

Rachel opened an eye and glanced at the monitor, but was unable to determine anything for herself.

"Aha!" Sophie grinned, looking back towards Rachel, "I found it. Are you sure you want to know?"

A surge of nerves coursed through her and Rachel was almost sure that Sophie could hear the pounding of her erratic heartbeat.

This was it.

"Yes."

Sophie took a deep breath, suddenly seeming almost excited as Rachel herself, "You're having a baby girl, love. Want to take a closer look?"

Rachel opened her mouth but nothing came out.

She felt an unbelievable warmth spread across her. The excitement was so intense that all of her worries abruptly vanished. As Rachel gazed at the screen, flashes of room colors and cradles and babies clothes flew her mind.

There were thousands of possibilities. What would this baby girl of hers be? A doctor? A teacher? An actress like her mother?

However, the pregnant girl wasn't quite so sure that she would've cared either way, boy or girl, as she stared up at the monitor. But the identity that had been given to Baby made her seem all that much closer.

_Baby? _Rachel thought distractedly. _I guess I'll have to stop calling her that. _

Sophie's eyes as well were fixed on the display. A look of longing flashed across her face, but it was soon covered up with a good-natured smile.

"You and Jesse should start looking for names," she remarked before pausing and giving Rachel a quick wink. "I suggest Sophie."

Rachel smiled but couldn't manage a response.

This was **her** baby. Her baby girl. She'd dance and sing and play with dolls. She'd believe in fairytales and pretend to be a princess. Which she would be. She'd be Rachel's princess. She'd wear sparkly pink and purple. She'd pretend to cook and grow up to be whatever she wanted to be.

She'd be everything that Rachel could've ever imagined.

And that, was enough.

* * *

**I'm sorry this is such a short chapter. It was just an event that needed to be alone.**

**So what did you think? Did you expect Baby to be a girl? Are you excited? Want to leave me some baby names?(;**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it and I'll really try updating soon but I've started another project that I'll be focusing a bit more on. Actually, I'd REALLY appreciate it SO much if you went and checked it out. It's a dramatic Rose/Scorpius romance from the Harry Potter fandom called "Reverse" and it would mean soooo much if you took a look and left me a review(: Love you guys!**

**-SpringSinger19**


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